Best: Let’s Pretend This Is Night Of Champions
Alberto Del Rio was a BEAST in this match. Just an absolute beast. My personal favorite moment came when CM Punk got whipped into the steel steps by John Cena and jumped onto them, turned around and started taunting, and Del Rio just ran up and shoved his ass into the cage wall. He was everything I’ve been typing him to be here — the monster heel who doesn’t have to cheat to win his matches, but is just a little bit smarter and has a little bit better of a gameplan than his opponents. The same voice in me that said Randy Orton was going to RKO Mark Henry in four minutes and reach his apex all over the World Heavyweight Championship told me Cena would retain here through some combination of Ruthless Aggression and Never Giving Up (and Never Being Able To Close The Window), and I was wonderfully and pleasantly surprised when Del Rio started pushing people off the top rope through tables and whomping them in the face with a steel pipe like this was a damn transition episode of Impact en route to a WWE Championship win. I just kinda held my arms over my head and held them there through the post-match stuff, which I’ll get to in a moment.
I don’t know why they decided to give Del Rio the belt and take it off of him for two weeks instead of having him win strong and stay strong, but that’s the show we watch, and I’m happy it’s back around his waist. Or back in Ricardo’s hands, depending on the situation.
Best: Ricardo Rodriguez As Evolved Bait
I also really loved that Ricardo unlocking the cage to get in and break up an STF on Del Rio wasn’t so much to keep Del Rio from losing as it was to ensure his victory. Cena has had a hard-on for beating up Rodriguez for weeks now, and I like to think he knew that if he showed up Cena would forget about the WWE Championship and everything else and just lock on to Ricardo and follow him out of the cage for Nerd Assault. That’s exactly what happened, and Del Rio was able to toss Cena out of the cage like he was Gary Oldman in Air Force One and lock him out. It won him the match, because the only way to beat Cena now is to completely remove him from the field of play or be The Rock.
I didn’t think that was the end for Cena, either. That’s my brain right now. I thought he was going to rip the cage door open (especially when he was making STRAIN FACE), but thankfully he is no Mark Henry. Then I thought he was gonna just run into the cage wall until it broke, or climb up top and come down through the roof. Come on, tell me you can’t see Cena climbing up to the roof and jumping and shoulderblocking downward to fly through the goddamn ceiling and win the match. Fortunately for all of us he was forced into Giving Up, and Del Rio even got to taunt him a little before droppiing a Pipe Bomb on Punk and putting him away.
Worst: David Otunga Is Doing CM Punk’s Job
Punk says he wants change, but all he’s done since declaring that is win a title he says he doesn’t care about, lose that title and not care about it, lose to the boss and lose to Del Rio. He’s selling a lot of t-shirts, though. Meanwhile, consider the New Nexus he left behind — Mason Ryan just jumped the United States Champion on Raw and David Otunga is backstage organizing a labor union of wrestlers to file suit against Triple H to, you guessed it, effect change.
What I’m saying is that David Otunga is better than CM Punk right now. Hahaha, holy sh*t, it’s true, isn’t it.
Best: The Miz, Finally The Main Event
This might go away as soon as tonight’s Raw, but when Miz and R-Truth slid into the cage after the main and put a Gettin’ Got on the Raw main event scene, it was the best Miz has ever looked, and the first time I’ve seen him as a wrestler, and not a guy pretending to wrestle. He looked like a guy who had a plan, but had had enough, and was ready to deal with the consequences. Like I said, this could go away tonight, and we could start the show with Miz and Truth getting rehired, put in a handicap match against every Tom, Dick and Zack Ryder who was outside the Hell In A Cell in a “loser gets super double fired for reals” match, possibly on a pole somehow, but for now it feels good.
I think R-Truth has had the best 2011 of any wrestler walking. That guy went from a total joke to a Funny Joke to a PPV main eventer to an actual main event personality.
Worst: Great Job Beating Up Guys In Handcuffs, Worst Character Ever
I’m going to Wait And Watch And See Where They Go© with this, but Triple H rushing out to beat up two guys who’d already surrendered and were in handcuffs was the most bullsh*t thing ever and made me want to put my head through my desk. If this leads to David Otunga and/or John Laryngitis having grounds for Triple H’s immediate and CAPRICIOUS dismissal, I’m all for it. I’m not sure why Triple H wasn’t put in handcuffs and taken to jail himself. If it leads to a big Survivor Series match with Miz and Truth and Swagger and Ziggler and Rhodes against Triple H and … I don’t know, Punk seems like his bosom chum right now, Punk and a few other guys, that could work too.
If it leads to Triple H continuing to be the Coolest and the Baddest on Raw, I’m out. If it leads to “labor unions who want fair treatment for employees” being the new Right To Censor where David Otunga is suddenly the whiny voice of everyone Vince McMahon hates and negotiations are resolved by The Miz eating a Rock Bottom, I’m super out.