Hilarious Worst, Right Out Of The Gate: GOOD EVENING I AM THE LIVING MAN KNOWN AS HELL IN A CELL
Whoever made the creative decision to give the Hell In A Cell structure a villainous inner monologue about how it “brings out the worst” in WWE Superstars needs to either be fired or given a raise, I haven’t decided. “Welcome to the unforgiving confines of HELL, my wicked children of the night! I am a Godless structure, providing a wall a few feet away from ringside into which wrestlers may be thrown! No, not the security railing. I have holes in me! ABANDON HOPE ALL WHO ENTER ME and spend most of the match in the ring about ten feet away from me at all times! And nobody bleed!”
Full disclosure: getting thrown into a big wall of chain-link fencing doesn’t hurt that much. You’re just jumping face-first into an uncomfortable trampoline. The idea behind the chain cage, as I’ve learned repeatedly from a childhood of watching Ric Flair’s hair turn orange, is that sure, you can toss them into the cage, but you’ve got to keep their face there and cheese-grater it back and forth. The jagged piece of cage catch and slice the guy open. If you want to hurt somebody by throwing them into a cage wall, you’ve either got to throw them into where the mesh pieces meet, or use the cage with the blue bars.
Also, you can’t call this “The Devil’s Playground” when you have an Elimination Chamber DVD called “Satan’s Playground”. Maybe Hell in a Cell used to be where the Devil swung on swingsets but now rides the little horse on springs at the Elimination Chamber.
Best: Sheamus, Christian and Three Stars Worth Of Wrestling
A lot of reports I’ve read this morning say they were underwhelmed with Sheamus versus Christian, and I couldn’t disagree more. This was my favorite match on the show, for almost the same reason it underwhelmed — nothing stupid happened. It was two guys having a great wrestling match based on the characters, motivations and movesets they’ve been building over the last few months. I’m a huge sucker for basic “signature moves” being avoided or reversed, and it’s a big factor in helping me believe what I’m watching is real. If you’re Sheamus and you’re signed to wrestle Christian, wouldn’t you know that he’s going to drape you across the middle rope, jump over the top, land on the floor and punch you in the face? Wouldn’t you really be looking for that if your first real feud in WWE was against Goldust? Of course you would, and Sheamus avoided it here, pulling Christian up into his rope-tangle forearms, something Christian had avoided earlier. That’s really all I ask for when I sit down to watch a match: wrestlers wrestling in a way that makes sense. Like almost every Christian match since his return from Instant Classic exile (and most of the ones IN exile), I got what I asked for.
I’ll take something simple and effective like this, something that ends with both guys looking good but one guy actually f**king winning, over an Attention Deficit Disorder WWE-Style Main Event Brawl™ any day of the week, pending said brawl including Stone Cold Steve Austin but not including the Undertaker.
Worst: That Killswitch Set-Up Took Up 2 1/2 Hours Of This 3 Hour PPV
I don’t want to keep ragging on this, but Jesus, Christian, speed up that Killswitch process. Or do a Matt Hardy “swatting away farts” taunt while you’re waiting for them to get up so we can get prepared for the reversal. Third suggestion: hit the Killswitch once after doing the super slow turn-around like that, so we don’t subconsciously see it as wrestler code for “get ready to push me away”.
Best: Sheamus, White Ninja
I will never get tired of seeing Sheamus slumped in the corner, grabbing the top ropes with both hands and monkey-barring himself upside down and onto the top turnbuckle. Never. It’s like 2011′s Diamond Dallas Page Frankenstein attack, where he’d be dead in the corner and suddenly he’s up like Donatello pantomiming a clown punching bag in Secret Of The Ooze and grabbing you by the neck. Sheamus and Mark Henry are both awesome right now and work as engaging foils for each other because they aren’t doing viral videos to get over, they aren’t trying to organize tailgate parties, they’re playing up their strengths, downplaying their weaknesses and doing a few cool things in every match so people can remember them and smile when they do.
Long story short, if I was ten years old and this stark white 300-pound muscly ginger dude with Scotty 2 Hotty hair was doing gymnastics up the corner and shoulderblocking people from the top rope, I wouldn’t be sitting on my hands when I watched it.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1245/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/thunderbolt-patterson-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/john-oliver-mick-foley-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/smt2du.jpg-180x170.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Collllllllllege-World-Series-180x180.jpg)
So why didn’t the ref count the pinfall when Del Rio laid Punk on top of Cena? F WWE logic
Also, Tugboat sucks and the Cara/Cara match was the amazing.
I watched Secret of the Ooze so many goddamn times as a kid the scene started playing in my brain, complete with cheesy horn music.
1. “stark white 300-pound muscly ginger dude with Scotty 2 Hotty hair”–best description of Sheamus EVER.
2. “I cannot cheer for a wrestler whose ring ambiance would help Woody Allen get into the mood.” THIS. TIMES-1000 THIS.
I think I agreed with your take on every match this time. I bought the PPV at the last minute, just to see the Cara vs Himself match honestly, and was a little disappointed in the reaction they got. You could see Sin Cara El Dark-o trying to work the US style of ground and pound against Sin Cara Azul (thanks Dora the Explorer) and his circus flying act. It was good, not great, but it gave a taste of what it can become if they allow it to happen.
Also – so so so so so glad Cena didn’t keep the title. I like Cena, I just don’t like him with the title. He goes from “Never Give Up” to “The Number One Target in the World” when he has that damn thing. He’s far more interesting chasing a title than owning one.
Can we get Booker T and Jon Gruden in a booth together, somewhere, to trade THAT BOYs and THAT GUYs until no one has a clue who anyone is?
I generally agree with your stance on HHH, but I think the attack at the end of the slow played into the whole “his world is spinning out of control” right now. That said, the ending would have been more complete if he were cuffed and stuffed as well for ignoring the police.
“WWE, please take note: I want to watch your product, but the only way I can get through it sometimes is to watch it in a language I barely understand.”
You talking about Spanish, or whatever language Booker was speaking?
At some point on RAW tonight, there’s a Diva turn, right? I mean, Beth and Natalya have been all Doomesses for weeks, but for Beth to truly dominate, she has to destroy all the competition.
Unless they’re going to turn the Diva’s title into the nWo Finger Point of Doom for the next few months until the return of Kong, which seems unlikely.
Stupid logic disrupting my reading of Brandon’s fine work.
“I cannot cheer for a wrestler whose ring ambiance would help Woody Allen get into the mood.”
Ball-shrivelingly accurate.
YES! Thank you @Keyser Sosa. You brought up something I was screaming at my laptop with all my might. That was a fu*king pin! Gotdamnit, I mean the ref is looking right at them. He could just kneeled down and pretended to touch the shoulder blades, but no. WTF!
Phem. 1-2-3, 3-2-1, what the heck is bothering me.
Every time Christian goes for the Killswitch and the announcers scream “HE’S GOING FOR THE KILLSWITCH!” I think, “He for reals used to call that the Unprettier”.
I like when you call people out on their shit.
One of the reasons I enjoy reading your reviews is because you write in a blogging voice as opposed to a wrestler blogging voice. You know a lot about the material, but seem to know a lot about other things as well, and it’s a refreshng change from a lot of wrestlin sites. That being said, you’re smarter than using gay jokes and terms like “butt buddies” as insults. If you hate when thw writers have punk use the easiest offensive insult they can think of, please don’t go there yourself.
@jack – You’re right. I wrote it as a South Park reference, but out of context it does just look like a shitty gay joke. Changed to “bosom chum”. Thanks for the heads up.
Loved the defence of Kelly Kelly. Although, and I feel like I’m just forgetting something obvious here, what was the ‘insider jab’ about her exhibitionist character in ECW? Was it just a riff on ECW and Kimona and desperate ‘you might see boobs!’ 90s marketing?
I felt like this was one of the best PPV’s WWE has put on in a looong time. Top to bottom, it was just perfection. I also hate to admit it, but everything Cole was saying about Rhodes was 10000% percent correct. He had to defend his belt against Johhny Fucking Nitro in Gucci shoes and a $500 shirt? it was a dumb match, and should be called as such. JR, Booker and Cole were on fire last night. They balance each other out, and keep everyone on point.
One more thing…..WHY THE FLIPIN FUCK WAS THE SPANISH ANNOUNCERS’ TABLE LEFT STANDING!!!! Mucho disappointing.
/John Cena didn’t have a promo, lost the title, and got the snot kicked out of him by Tha Conspiracy. That deserves Cena a Best for the night.
i pray goldust comes back to fight his brother for that old belt. and can we get a mark henry elephant weightlifter logo t-shirt please
That whole Sin Cara/Sin Cara section was the bees knees. Seriously, probably my favorite thing you’ve written on here in months and I mean that as the highest of compliment.
Great stuff, loved miz and truths plan but was confused as to why the cage lowerd back down once they got in, they should have just come up through the mat, like everyone ever
Another great review, never fails to make me laugh and encourages me to watch the source material.
However I didn’t agree with what was said about the old IC belt, and how its legacy consists of fails such as Carlito (don’t get me wrong, that was spot-on and I forgot he existed until I read that). That belt was probably my favorite of the title belts, because it reminded me of the greats that held it, not the scrubs. The Benoit/Angle/Jericho feud comes to mind. RVD. Orton before he was “Apex Predatoring” all over the place. Sure, the belt was held by people who didn’t really deserve it, but what belt hasn’t? Not saying I don’t like the return of the classic belt, I do. But of all the belts in the WWE right now, I think the IC belt needed changing the least.
Really enjoyed your insight, especially on the Sin Cara – Sin Cara match which I liked but the crowd seemed dead for. The reason I enjoy your reviews is that you don’t employ the smarky, snarky, “i’m above this product” voice that I hear on so many wrestling sites from guys that crap all over everything and try to get themselves over in the process with lame jokes. Like Jack said, your knowledge of the material shines through, so you don’t need to resort to gay jokes.
@Barry – Thanks, and I’m definitely not above This Product. I’m a wrestling fan, and that’s really all I am.
I didn’t see the PPV, sounds like it was pretty good to great.
I wonder if they will keep the Sin Cara thing going; I felt like you did when I saw Sin Cara Dos remove the blue mask to reveal the black one. It was cool and fun. I hope they give Hunico a new masked heel identity and really let those two feud for a while. The “real Sin Cara” angle should be round one of a bigger, and cooler, feud.
The only thing I’m unhappy about is no AJ pic accompanying this article. She wasn’t on the PPV, but that means NOTHING!
“Sin Cara went for an Asai moonsault and missed it…It’s a great spot”
C’mon, this is just a fancier version of a guy jumping off the second rope into his opponent’s upraised foot. Maybe if Blackfaceless is laying sideways so Sin Cara could end up Lionsaulting him it makes sense. Set up like it is the only result other than feet in face is Sin Cara’s upper body crashing down on a supine Hunico’s legs. If wrestling has taught me anything it’s that that will only ever hurt the guy delivering the move, not the recipient.
@Eric – Regardless of your opinion of what they were going for, it wasn’t a botch, which was the larger point.
Great column Brandon, I rofled freely! Especially excellent analysis of lucha style and why its not working.
I totally agree with what you were saying about Cena. As soon as he got locked out me and 2 other friends were convinced he was breaking that chain or he was climbing the cage and coming down through there to win. Thankfully that didn’t happen
“WHOAH!”
-Booker T’s reaction to absolutely everything
It was driving “DIS BOI RIGHT HEEUH” insane
Good point about Kelly Kelly. She’s really good at getting thrown around and selling it, which is an underutilized skill, and while she is not the best diva, an attempt is being made to actually wrestle. That being said, Beth Phoenix is a lady hoss and should hold the belt times forever, or at least until Kharma comes back from maternity leave.
I just wanted you to know that because of your weekly posts I started watching wrestling. Even though I don’t care one bit about anything in it that isn’t the wrestling part, the athletic spectacle of wrestling is very entertaining to watch. Also, my girlfriend thinks less of me now because of it. Thanks Brandon!
When I first heard about the Miz/Truth beatdown and then saw the pictures on WWE.com of HHH beating the crap out of them, two things ran through my head:
1. WWE Logic follows the laws of reality or even their own fantasy, only as the story permits. This is nothing new, it happens time and time again where it is justifiable for the good guy to do something the bad guy has/would do and get a cheer or at least the commentators agree with it.
Vince got too personal with CM Punk and lost the WWE Title (and then made a new one and the old one back in, what a week?) and he is fired/retired.
HHH has a locker room revolution building and in his unstable, unvented rage beats up two people that were defenseless to attack and isn’t arrested or seemingly reprimanded. At the very best someone will remember and reference this event two months down the line.
2. I kinda want this to rekindle the CM/Cena feud in terms of not this year, but LAST year. The CM Punk commentator vs. Cena wrestler.
“Cena, my soda.”, “Why is Cena here, he’s fired?”, “Cena is fired, he’s causing a ruckus, someone stop him.”, “Cena, this isn’t about my soda. It’s about the fact you’re a bully who is unable to never give up until you kill someone, like my good friend Batista.”
And then point to Miz and Truth and blame Cena for their actions, “You got fired, you stole into the building time after time, you beat up a few people and you got your job back! How is that different from these two? Because you’re John Cena!”
But dang, what was the point in having ADR lose for this? The storyline would have worked and maybe we wouldn’t have had bizarro-Cena and his short term memory loss as to why ADR has on multiple occassions earned his title spot.
I know that I’m from the internet and everything so it’s my job to hate him, but seriously how does anyone cheer for Triple H at this point? Even if we’re forgetting his past as a heel, ignore all the boring Wrestlemania main events, racist/necrophiliac angles and Shawn Michaels feuds he’s put us through and concentrate solely on his current run, what has he done to make us like him?
1. He’s an authority figure who got that power by marrying the boss’s daughter and actually called Vince McMahon “pop” on live television.
2. He’s a dick to all of our favorite guys.
3. He rehired John Morrison.
4. He fires people for shitty reasons, ignoring what people the fans going to events want to see. (Awesome Truth getting their comeuppance, CM Punk getting his revenge on Nash.)
5. He attacks people who are handcuffed. #areyouseriousbro
Replace Triple H with Eric Bischoff and you have trash being thrown in the ring every time he opens the show, but with Hunter we’re supposed to believe that it’s just the coolest, baddest guy on the show doing cool, bad ass things. I don’t get it.
i am doing my part, i’ve recommended this blog to all my friends, all two of them.
so has anyone suggested Zig-Swag, as the tag team name of ziggler and swagger?
“Here come Vicki walking to the ring with Zig-Swag!”
The “citation needed” wikipedia joke was top notch. Great work as usual.
I always want to leave a comment but half the time I don’t even know what to put because you basically just make awesome point after awesome point and I spend most of my comment just shamelessly complimenting you.
I’m not a fan of Kelly nor do I hate her, but I think you did a very good job of pointing out while she’s not the best she’s solid and a lot of people like to over look that. If you look at ECW Kelly Kelly doing that backflip elbow compared to what she can do in the ring today she’s obviously moved forward. Most people just ignore it.
I always enjoy your work rate/can’t wrestle thoughts.
Side note :/ so glad Alberto is champion again.
This was a really funny and entertaining best/worst. G’job, boy.
This is quite possibly your Best B&W yet. Bravo.
“Whoever made the creative decision to give the Hell In A Cell structure a villainous inner monologue about how it “brings out the worst” in WWE Superstars needs to either be fired or given a raise, I haven’t decided.”
Given a raise. Totally given a raise. That was amazing. TONIGHT I WILL BRING OUT THE WORST IN THEM.
I can’t get over that picture of Sunflower Will Smith/HIAC John Cena.
Really good article again. The Kelly Kelly stuff was spot on. I’ve enjoyed all of her matches with Beth a fair lot, she’s definitely improved.
A lot of great points here, and several of the lines had me laughing out loud, but I have to object to Otunga being better than Punk, even said in jest. I do actually get what you’re saying but nah, Otunga isn’t better than him at anything other than choosing bow ties.
I also am mad at Johnny Ace for making John Morrison matches. Therein ends my similarities to HHH. Great article and top notch work. I also dug the Sin Cara section and am going to try to find that match and Christian/Sheamus to watch. I didn’t see Eve last night so I can’t say but considering her best skill was her looks it can’t speak too highly when you’re criticizing them.
Now my HHH section. I think I get it now but I hate it. So HHH lets Vince know he’s gone and now Laurinitis and HHH are in a power struggle of some kind. Word comes out that they are trying to make sure crowds don’t boo HHH and they are setting him up as a friend of the locker room and the super cool GM/can-beat-everybody-up guy. Word also leaks that Vince got pissed that his name got dropped on TV by ADR because he wants his return to be a surprise. So I see it as this: they are building to Vince’s return as the power-hungry former boss disgruntled at the new boss and trying to get back into power. He is going to make life hell for anyone who stood by HHH and so on. What it is building to is a Vince vs. HHH match at Wrestlemania. It’s so dumb and pointless that it’s probably true.
Did anyone else read that article on TSS about how the WWE should buy out TNA? I want Samoa Joe to squash Cena and AJ Styles to be the WWE Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion of Awesome-Sauce.
#GreatThingsMoneyCanDo
Oh and the most annoying thing about HHH attacking Truth and Miz while they were handcuffed is that EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the arena went crazy for it. Punk gets mixed reactions, we all know what Cena gets, the fans didn’t seem to care about the Sin Caras at all, but everybody loved HHH punching Miz while Miz was handcuffed.
I get that Awesome Truth are dastardly heels and should get their comeuppance etc but still…
No blood, huh? Magnum TA is turning over in his grave. (Googles Magnum TA) Oh, he’s still alive? Carry on.
@CJ Bradford
Are you Michael Cole?
Before the match I had tweeted that I would give the match a million stars if someone used Alberto’s car as a foreign object. Then Cena got locked out of the cage and I was all “no, they couldn’t” and they didn’t, so that’s my story. Enjoyable read as always.
“Even a Hardy can remember to limp after he’s gone a-ladderin’.”
I’m going to refer to all ladder matches as “a-ladderin’” from now on.
Thanks again for your commentary, Brandon. You make a lot of good points and are pretty amusing in doing so… look forward to your posts. Absolutely loved Cena being locked out of the cell (I, too, expected him to climb in through the top), and always love to see someone mock his “You Can’t See Me” taunt, as Punk did at one point. Seeing HHH’s actions at the end sickened me. Hey… how about an “Everyone in Handcuffs” tag-team bout in the future?!?
Good write up, made me genuinely curious about what I missed (I didn’t see it). What I think is most interesting is that a good PPV last night has the potential to create a horrible RAW tonight in which it is entirely conceivable that they blow every single angle they created last night. Would anyone honestly be surprised if Kelly Kelly got the Divas belt back tonight? I’m guessing no.
I’d rather hear 30 “WHAT DA HAYLE!”s for every 1 “WHAT A GOOF!”s
I’d loved Booker T since Harlem Heat. He can do no wrong in my eyes or ears.
Another great article on point, B-Stro!
I do have to say that I really hope WWE doesn’t drive you away, given how indispensable your work has been in following the product since Summer of Punk ’11. We’d also be deprived our weekly shot at Eve Torres, since I think you’re the only person who cares enough about her to make fun of her.
I was having a not great day today. But I forgot there was a PPV last night, and was just checking the site like I always do, and was very excited to see a Best/Worst!
“I get that Orton goes to a place where he hears voices and his grandma is winning money on a slot machine and how that makes him impervious to pain” — I laughed so loud I scared my boyfriend. Thank you, Brandon!
I am never again going to take the voices in ortons head seriously after that happy gilmore reference.
don’t ever stop doing these dude.
This is one of your best Best and Worsts in a long time. I’ll admit you’ve been kind of losing me the last couple weeks but you got back to what I love this week. Funny with enough positively where you seem like you actually enjoy wrestling while still pointing out the bullshit to prove that you actually care about enjoying wrestling.
Oh, and also, I’ll just say that The Miz and R-Truth jumping into the ring with those hoodies was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in the WWE in a long ass time. They look like dudes that we’re legitimately pissed, legitimately dangerous and legitimately beating the shit out of John Cena.
@Your Favorite Colombian
No I’m not, and honestly I was surprised that I actually agreed with him. I just think he’s really been toned down over the past few weeks, and deserves recognition for it. They were a great team last night. I’m not gonna hate them because the show is much more enjoyable when I find the good
Here is your comment. Stop begging, it’s not dignified. I regularly check into with leather just to read your wwe updates
Loved the Happy Gilmore reference. What no midgets with beer?
I read this and enjoyed it, but I don’t have time to leave a constructive and/or congratulatory comment. I just want you to know that the guy with the Cupcake Dog avatar is still reading.
Wrestling, unlike any other sport, goes out of its way to ignore its history, except when they have a new DVD or TV channel coming out. I’ve never understood that, and it’s probably why I always liked Matt Striker on commentary; he may be an irritating know-it-all much of the time, but I *like* that he knows who Bruno Sammartino is, y’know? Even football, which is wrestling’s only real competition when it comes to hyperbole about the present-day, isn’t afraid to reference Sammy Baugh or Larry Csonka when the occasion calls for it. (Though they’re in over their heads too — Heath Miller caught a pass on Sunday that was juggled by a couple defenders before he nabbed it on his pack, and you’d've thought he’d raised Lazarus.) I know you want me to believe that this year’s Wrestlemania is the biggest, most exciting wrestling venture that’s ever existed, but a large part of that importance is the history behind the event. It’s why Wrestlemania is a household name but nobody remembers WWE Over the Limit or December to Dismember or In Your House: Kick Your House’s Dick.
You’re also spot-on about Bourne reversing the top-rope Swagger Bomb into a huracanrana, especially because Kelly and Phoenix did almost the same thing about an hour later. Also, see every other match Bourne and Swagger have ever had. It’s really not that hard.
I think I really pegged why John Morrison is so useless. As a heel, he was this good-looking, ripped guy who was super-arrogant, at least watchable in the ring, and had a hot girlfriend who hung around movie stars. That’s good, I can roll with that. Then somebody realized he looked like a dead rock star and he started babbling nonsense, but he was still an arrogant handsome heel and he had the Miz to talk for him, so it worked. Then they turned him face, and he’s no longer arrogant or kooky or has Melina, but his gimmick can’t be the basic “good-looking ripped guy” because the top faces already *have* that gimmick, the only difference being that Cena loves America and Orton has auditory hallucinations. So they threw in his parkour abilities, which is f*cking stupid, so now you have a guy who looks like a star but can’t break into the top echelon because those spots are already taken by better wrestlers, he can’t really talk, he can’t really sell, he’s lucky if his sh*tty flying-based offense even grazes his opponent most of the time, he has little grasp of in-ring storytelling or psychology as evidence by his f*cking C4 in an impromptu match against a guy in Dockers, and parkour is remarkably stupid. Seriously, if I’m ever walking down a city street and a guy vaults over a trashcan and tries to swing over me from a tree branch, I’m going to wait in an alley along his route the next day and hit him with my Buick on the dismount.
An excellent column, one of your best yet, and one of the legit reasons I’m not ashamed and much of the time even proud to be a wrestling fan. Oh, and for what it’s worth, I checked in with one of my friends who’s a professional lawyer, and yeah, David Otunga is a goddamn moron for discussing any of that with Punk or Laurinaitis or whomever in front of a camera. I get that something has to be shown to occur for the fans at home, but even somebody without any legal training should smell something rotten with a lawyer OPENLY DISCUSSING PENDING LITIGATION ON LIVE TV. And for what it’s worth, when Triple H assaulted handcuffed men (which is a crime in and of itself), he also knocked over a couple police officers, and assault of any kind on an officer, even incidental contact, is a class-5 felony at best.
Brandon, when I discovered Best/Worst of Raw a few months ago, the writing and analysis grabbed my attention. The witty humor gave me a reason to return. What made me stay was all of the above plus your great pointing out of The Rock’s stale, tired, and offensive transmisogony. Since then, I have happily Liked and tumblr-reblogged every one of your columns.
Then, you go ahead and think it’s a good idea to post a heading that says “I Don’t Mean This As An Insult, But Is Eve Transgendered, Or What”. First of all, saying something that’s been used as an insult, and then saying “OH, but I don’t mean it in a bad way” is a classic attempt to duck responsibility for one’s words…. especially when you are using the next few sentences to follow up with insults to Eve. Saying you don’t mean it as an insult is a rhetorical fig leaf. Plus, intent is not magical. If you don’t mean to hurt or insult someone, but you accidentally end up doing so, you accept responsibility for your actions and apologize.
Transgender people do not all look alike. There is no such thing as “looking like” a transgender person. If someone thinks there is, that’s based on their own prejudiced assumptions. There is nothing wrong with being transgender, nor with looking like whatever it is you think that transgender people look like. Saying that someone looks transgender makes no sense as a statement, let alone an “insult”. And if it was supposed to be a joke, it sure as hell isn’t funny.
Seriously, Brandon, seeing that from you was a letdown.
@Shawn – That’s a very good point, and one I’ll accept. I’m going to take that part out, and I apologize for the miss.
@AudeSapere
Holy crap dude that was awesome. I’m glad I checked back in to see if anyone else posted. The only point I would make is…*looks both ways, whispers* the lawsuit is not reallly real.
Here’s hoping WWE doesn’t drive you away, because your analysis is often the best part of the show (Del Rio can only fill so much time, and Punk has turned into something else…).
I liked the footage and the atmosphere of the end of this one, after seeing it on Raw tonight. I don’t know why, but WWE seems to be doing really well with their Basic stuff (Henry/Sheamus) and with this viral stuff… but, in between? It’s lagging. Here’s hoping.
I agree. That’s a serious Chekhov’s Gun violation introducing the Spanish announcers and leaving that table standing.
poontang pie
Brandon, thank you for listening. Thoughtfulness and responsiveness and willingness to think/address these issues is why you’re the only recap guy I read now. :)
@Shawn
“Plus, intent is not magical. If you don’t mean to hurt or insult someone, but you accidentally end up doing so, you accept responsibility for your actions and apologize.”
OK well that isn’t true. People can claim to be offended by anything and anyone arbitrarily. And it is possible that the person who got offended reacted emotionally and is in the wrong. Or to put it another way: no one has a right to not be offended.
@Brandon – c’mon man stop taking out jokes and references because people don’t get them. You are not a homophobe or a transophobe and all of your regular readers know that. His point about being offended was way off-base and if bloggers seriously catered to what offended readers they would have to post blank articles.
@tpir – Well, my initial joke sorta got away from me, and I didn’t like what was there anyway. I’ve been pretty sensitive to gender issues lately, and I don’t want to push that any farther than it needs to go. Besides, if it was a great joke, I’d back it up and leave it in.
@uconngary7 – I don’t. Some vegans don’t have a problem with it (as it’s made externally by an animal, rather than being from their body, like milk) so it’s usually up to the person’s discretion.
Not only did the ref not make the count when ADR laid Punk atop Cena, he DID make the count when Cena’s shoulders were on top of a damned steel chair!
I truly used to believe that John Morrison was the most under-utilized player in this ensemble. This year, aside from the Spider-Man save in the Royal Rumble, has changed that. That spot was taken by Ziggler for a while, but fortunately the powers that be seem to have found their comfort level with him.
Am I the only one who thought that, at times, the Sin Caraseses kept seeming to forget which Sin Cara they were? There was a lot more start-and-stop than I would’ve expected.
Also, I would have loved to see, after all the main event melee, Daniel Bryan cash in the briefcase, even it would have only been for one day. Because really, ADR would have his rematch the next night and yank Bryan’s shoulder right out of its socket. Ah well, one can dream.
First of all great write up.
Second, thanks for explaining the whole luchadore mexican wrestling thing to me, because I felt the Sin Cara vs Sin Cara match was boring as well. But I felt the lighting was more to blame because I couldn’t really see what was going on.
Third. I’m happy Mark Henry retained his belt, and Kelly Kelly lost hers as well. The thing I hate is that it feels like there are only four wrestlers in the women’s division. I’m confused.
Fourth. The ADR vs. Cena vs. Punk was great IMO. ADR was top notch. The kicks and throwing people around were awesome. And that last part where Cena was locked out, I thought the same thing. I thought “Okay, either he’s gonna break the chain, or climb up top the cage and jump down to the ring.” Then boom, ADR wins by using a iron pipe.
lastly, The Miz and R-Truth is the best thing in wrestling right now in my opinion. That whole thing they did at the end was not what I expected to happen, and I have to say, it’s got me wanting to see what happens on Raw really bad.
TL;DR great write up! and retweeted!
Cena’s PPV poster bothered me too. Not for the same reason, but still it was odd. I wish Del Rio would have retained this whole time instead of winning it back. Could you imagine him retaining this way? He looks smart either way.
Cody’s new voice is still awesome and bringing back the old title is clutch.
I was waiting to comment until after Raw, since I didn’t see the PPV. The recap was funny, informative and awesome as usual.
Everyone keeps wondering why WWE took the belt off del Rio for two weeks, but it’s probably just because of that visa issue, and they did it as a punishment. Just a thought.
Also, Brandon, if it’s a joke or reference, don’t change your column if someone doesn’t get it.
One last thing, do vegans eat honey (in general)? I was at a wedding over the weekend and honey was the “favor” and it got me thinking.
Brandon, listen to this idea and tell me what you think. Shameus (Ireland) and Ryan (Wales) are already good guys. Have Drew McIntyre (Scotland) turn too, and they can be a British Isles superfriends group who run around having lovely Gaelic adventures together. Also, they show up on Smackdown once a month to beat up Wade Barrett for shits and giggles.
Anyways, good job on the recap; looking forward to BaWoR.
@Vina – That is a wonderful idea. I would buy the shirt.
Good to see the mystery of the “Who raised/closed the cage*” lives on in 2011. It was great seeing the guy running all the tech just throw his hands up in the air in a baffled mess when Triple H walked over to confront him.
*- Shut up, it was probably Bossman again.
Scotland isn’t an island.
These recaps make wrestling understandable. Well done again, B.
All my memories are bleeding together. That was clearly a briefcase, not cage. Fail on that callback.
ITS STILL BOSSMAN TO ME, DAMNIT
Isn’t the England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales looming association the elephant in the creative meeting? I can’t be the only one waiting for this to happen.
Scotland is a part of the British Isles, Chris. MICHAEL COLE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT IF THE SHOE FITS THAT WAS FUNNY I THOUGHT
Great column as always. I this PPV was subpar until the twist ending. Looks like Triple H got his comeuppance on Raw last night, so justice was served.
Excellent review as always. I love R-Truth’s role because it prevents him from wrestling, but allows him to be batshit insane. Terrible unnecessary PPV though.
“otunga is better than punk right now”
A+ list.
It’s pretty bad when WWE referees are better at their job than UFC referees.
Great review as always. I want to put in my request for a Smackdown! review written entirely in Teddy Long and Booker T speak. It would really be the best Christmas present ever.