FACT: Blaine Gabbert's receivers also make shoes.
6) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) – Speaking of no receivers and a terrible situation for a rookie QB to step right into.
7) Arizona Cardinals (1-4) – The Cardinals probably just hit their must-win wall if they really want to win their division. And they won’t win and they certainly won’t catch the San Francisco 49ers, so they’re realistically making a more exciting race out of the teams that could end up with the first pick and make Miami pay dearly.
8) Carolina Panthers (1-5) – If Ron Rivera and the Panthers knew that they were going to run a completely new offense based on Cam Newton’s skill set, why the hell did they give DeAngelo Williams so much money? Was it a fallback plan or did they really not want John Fox to bring him to Denver? Either way, Williams must be ecstatic.
9) Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) – One of the MNF pundit geniuses (Jon Gruden or Ron Jaworski) was talking about how Luck may not even declare for the draft (everyone at Stanford thinks he is, and if he isn’t someone needs to tell him about Case Keenum) and he mentioned that the Chiefs could end up taking him first. Are they trading up for him? Because they’re not getting the first pick.
10) Seattle Seahawks (2-3) – If you had told me in August that the Seahawks would have more wins than the Dolphins in Week 6, I would have laughed at you and called you a doo-doo face. Who is the doo-doo face now, Burnsy?
11) Philadelphia Eagles (2-4) – Early nominee for most hilarious sequence of events of the season: Mike Vick gets knocked out of the game for a play, so Vince “Dream Team” Young comes in and throws a pick, seemingly setting the Washington Redskins up for a crucial score. Then Rex Grossman threw his 4th pick of the game. Legends are born in October.
12) Dallas Cowboys (2-3) – After the Brandon Lloyd trade went down the next big rumor was that Cleveland was talking to the Cowboys about shipping them Peyton Hillis, which was interesting because I was just thinking they could use another beat up, underperforming RB.
13) New York Jets (3-3) – Remember when Mike Vick got out of prison and came back to the NFL and he was all like, “GRRRRRR TOUCHDOWNS!” and the NFL was all like, “You’re a hero, here’s a trophy!” and the Eagles were all like, “Piss off, Kevin Kolb”? Plaxico Burress is the exact opposite.
14) Cleveland Browns (2-3) – Trade or not, it looks like the Browns are moving ahead with Montario Hardesty, which is cool for people who like the names of Canadian cities but think they need more consonants.
15) Chicago Bears (3-3) – Jay Cutler finally told Mike Martz what most of us have wanted to for years.
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“Why on Earth would Tony Sparano and his coaching staff cow tow”
Burnsy, it’s “kowtow”
/pushes glasses back to top of nose
There is no way in hell that Luck doesn’t declare for the draft after this season. Good call on the Case Keenum comparison Burnsy.
Ugh, I’ve had zero coffee.
I second the throwing to Jermichael Finely motion.
“My buddy and I spent a good hour last week discussing what it is about Philip Rivers that makes us hate him so much. We don’t even know. We just do.”
Everything. Try and list one thing you LIKE about him. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
And, no, Marmalard posts on KSK don’t count. Though, they are the only good thing that will ever come from Phillip Rivers’ legacy.
I disagree, the Dolphins are tanking it. How the hell did Marshall manage to run out of bounds last night when he had the ball with a few yards head start and an open field in front of him? And how about that risky, long pass attempt on 3rd and inches? And why did the Dolphins run effective blitzes in the first part of the game and then stop? Ross is either paying Sparano off, or promised to keep him next year, if he wins suck for Luck.
I think Sparano is staying regardless because Ross knows how badly he botched that whole Harbaugh courting. But that one Brandon play is going to be talked about all season as the defining moment. I love it because it gives this whole theory life.
The Dolphins are starting Moore at QB, they are obviously tanking it.
The reason you hate Philip Rivers is because, every January, he makes the same pouty face after his 4th interception, like “How DARE they catch what I’m throwing right at them? I’m supposed to go to the Super Bowl, not you, stupid Tom Brady!!!”
Dolphins tanking conspiracy theory:
For agreeing to tank the season for Ross Sparano gets to keep his job and he gets to fly around with Ross as he interviews new GM candidates. After finding a new GM he gets to ask for Ireland’s playbook. Paybacks a bitch.
that picture of Eli makes the whole grantland most eligible pseudo-bachelor qb articles even more incomprehensible to me. i just dont.. i mean what
Another reason you hate Philip Rivers is because he doesn’t throw to Vincent Jackson when you start Jackson in fantasy, but does when he’s on your bench.
guy’s a cock.
“Welcome back to Earth, Bills fans.”
Because we lost on the road by 3 points to one of the top teams in the NFC? I agree with the ranking, though. Just don’t think we we’re really “brought back down to earth. It was a pretty even game.
@holdsteady154 – When you guys stop recording 400 fan anthems a week for your early season victories we’ll consider you back on Earth.
I think it`s an NFL conspiracy that the Dolphins are as bad as they are. They haven`t had a QB since Marino retired, so the league wants Miami to get the next chosen one. The brass are in on it, but not the players. But the players don`t need to be in on it because their offense is offensive. Why else do you explain yesterday`s game where Cam Wake was getting tackled to the ground/having his jersey pulled on almost every play and not only was there no call, neither Jaws or Gruden called it, and they criticized the Dolphins for not putting pressure on Sanchez? They don’t want to make it obvious.
The 2nd first round pick is conditional. If the Raiders don’t win a playoffs game, it turns into a second round pick. Regardless, that is still pretty steep for a guy who is almost done with the game.
I’m deaf so can’t actually hear the Cutler recording. Is it a spoof? Or did he really tell Martz to go fuck himself?
I think Cutler is brilliant. If I had to choose a quarterback for the Eagles, out of any QB’s in the NFL, I would have to give serious thought to picking between Rodgers or Cutler.
Ontario is a Canadian province, not a Canadian city, dumbass.
Oh wait, you’re Floridian. I think that mistake qualifies you as the smartest person in your state.
Who is the doo-doo face now, Burnsy?
YOU ARE!
I like how Peter King said that if the NFL would just let coaches wear suits like in olden times, these wacky Harbaugh handshake fights wouldn’t happen. Oh, you mean like how Mike Nolan wore suits? Maybe he just wants the Niners to suck again. Anyway, I’m still adjusting my eyes every time I see the 49ers in the top end of the power rankings. CAN IT BE REAL???? EEEEEEE!
Cutler is a far more hateable fuckwit than Rivers. I never understood how that wasn’t a fact even in their limp wrist shouting matches.