jon-gruden-fist-pound-fail

This is the Gates Of Heaven of football gifs. I’ve watched it about thirty times, and I’m still not to the bottom of it.

The moment, captured by way of Reddit and posted on Mocksession, depicts This Guy, Jon Gruden, as he attempts to overcome the very worst part of being white: not knowing which handshake to use, where the handshake is going or when it’s supposed to end. I feel his pain. I do this with mascots a lot. Tex Hooper of FC Dallas will raise his hand up and I won’t know if he’s waving at me or going for a high-five, and by the time I decide to go five he’s switched it to a fist bump. The upside to my awkwardness is that I don’t have to be it on national television. I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether Ron Jaworski’s execution was better or worse than Mike Tirico’s. [editor's note: way, way worse]

The important lesson here is that if you dare fist bump, don’t try to do it two at a time. Get the people you want to bump lined up single-file and bump it in order like you just won a baseball game. Or, if you’re as old as these guys, just f**king shake hands.