Last night’s episode of WWE Raw caused “anal bleeding” to become a trending topic on Twitter. Sometimes it’s hard to be a wrestling fan.
Here’s a recap of what led to … uh, anal bleeding, for those who weren’t watching. On last week’s show, new World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry, the 400+ pound “World’s Strongest Man”, harassed and beat up Raw’s announce team, including Jim Ross and 61-year old WWE Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler, culminating in Henry forecefully body-slamming Lawler through the ringside announcers table. This week, Ross gave us a health update for the absent Lawler — he’s feeling better and should be back next week. Michael Cole, play-by-play man and Jerry Lawler’s eternal enemy, added some late-breaking news … and I quote: “Jerry Lawler is suffering from bruised ribs and with all do respect, anal bleeding.” The statement was met with the expressions you see in the image up top. The world sorta slowed to a halt. What you see on the right is what immediately followed.
The topic built momentum and started trending worldwide, so much so that Cole and Ross acknowledged the success of “anal bleeding” after the next commercial break. Notice that it’s trending alongside SORRY JESUS. Being a trending topic isn’t as prestigious as people make it out to be, sure (especially when a three-year old Disney Channel movie and two Rachel Bilson-centric topics are trending alongside it), but the true humor comes from a world full of people not watching wrestling being suddenly confronted via social media by an embarrassing, unexpected world where jokes about bleeding from the ass aren’t that uncommon.
Here are a few of the “top tweets” from the trend:
Fun was had, but then the two worst things that can happen on Twitter happened. Ray William Johnson chimed in …
… and somebody blamed a trending topic on Justin Bieber.
The topic continued to trend through the night, mostly through people going “WTF why is anal bleeding a TT????”
So the moral of the story, because wrestling won’t accept morals like “don’t say your employees have anal bleeding”, is that we need to detach the WWE Universe from the Actual Universe so moments like this don’t keep intermingling with (debatably) functional society. Secondary moral: Let’s give Jerry Lawler trench mouth next week and see if we can get it to trend.
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WHAT THE HELL
-Booker T
I’m pretty sure Cole some days just walks into work and thinks: “Fuck it.”
Wrasslin’ and anal bleeding without the shocker? My high school wrestling coach is disappoint.
smh, uconngary7. It’s “WHUT DUH HAIL?!?”
i bet drew mac had anal bleeding when he saw mason ryan get the spot and face turn.
I’m surprised they didn’t make a reference to Lawler having foul breathe. As soon as they said anal bleeding, I had to change the channel. That was stupid.
Did Cole think that it was funny to say that? Seriously, what was the point of saying that?
Also, who the fuck is Ray William Johnson?
@WWE_Creative is funny as hell. Everyone should follow them.
To the editor of this story… Who gives a damn what you think?… Morales are just another way to be an uptight prude… They Got every ones attention, therefore gained an audience… That’s what a show does… Obviously you don’t have a show pumping in millions of dollars, so why not shut the hell up??????………….
Joe <3's ellipses.
since i dont twitter. @wwecreative increase smackdown gate in 3 easy steps:
1:gong
2:blackness
3:undertaker
@Joe- Actually Morales was the first man to win the WWF Championship, the Intercontinental Championship, and the WWF Tag Title…………..and no one gives a damn what you think.
I love ellipses but I don’t love Joe…can I still play?
@JBShakes, I couldn’t figure out how to spell it out, from now on I’ll use your spelling.
What causes anal bleeding?
John Cena gay.
The idealist in me hopes that they’ve had their fun and that they’ll never mention anal bleeding again.
The realist in me knows that because this trended it’s going to end up with Michael Cole having something shoved up his ass on pay per view.
@85 – I’m not seeing the problem with the realist portion of that. Especially if it’s the Anonymous RAW GM podium.
Alright, so I’m a bit of a masochist, and during football season, I usually focus on Monday Night Football instead of RAW. Through divine intervention, I did switch over to RAW to see Cole saying this, and I got a kick out of it, but nothing could compare to this headline on the awful wrestling site where I read my RAW results during football season:
“Does Jerry Lawler Really Have ‘Anal Bleeding’?, Punk, RAW”
The answer: probably not, but we can’t know for sure.
Anyway, this by far the most joy I have ever gotten from anal bleeding.
Google Raw + Anal Bleeding + Lawler. You’ll get a picture of a sixteen-year-old girl from Memphis.