INT. – A Fashion Show
Jennifer: “BRADLEEEEEE, I want to tell you how much I, Jennifer Lopez, am enjoying this time together. I wish to spend more time with you in front of cameras and people.”
Bradley: “You said something about discussing a film project…”
Jennifer: “Haha, BRADLEEEEE, you are so funny. I, Jennifer Lopez, would love to work with you both professionally and personally. Now please say something so I can nod and smile as if I am genuinely interested in your white boy ways.”
Bradley: “I’m sorry, I thought this was a business meeting. I have to go.”
Jennifer: “I WILL KILL YOU, GRINGO!”
Jennifer blows Bradley’s skull to pieces and takes out her cell phone. She makes a call.
Jennifer: “Hello, Serena?”
Serena Williams: “Who is this?”
Jennifer: “It is I, your famous friend from meager beginnings, Jennifer Lopez. I need your help.”
Serena: “I will do anything for you, my friend. You are beautiful on the inside and out and I am always helping people with kindness and joy.”
Jennifer: “I need you to make sure that Marc and his friends are not having fun.”
Serena: “Then it shall be done.”
INT. – Dolphins Owner’s Box
The Dolphins are losing by two touchdowns but Marc hasn’t watched any of the game, as he can’t even name a Miami player.
Marc: “Will and Fergie, my friends! Let us be photographed together with the hopes that the tabloids might say the three of us just had a threeway in front of Chad Henne’s locker, which we did.”
Suddenly, there is a great disturbance outside. A loud, primeval screech is heard throughout the stadium.
Marc: “Caramba! It is my ex-wife’s guardian and our fellow celebrity owner, Serena. Surely, we cannot withstand her awesome power.”
Serena: “YOU ARE ALL VERY UGLY PEOPLE ON THE INSIDE! DO NOT EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME! IF I SEE YOU IN A HALLWAY I WILL INCINERATE YOU!”
Marc: “We are doomed, amigos. My birthday has been a disappointment.”
A giant space eagle swoops in and attacks Serena. It is flown by Tom Cruise.
Tom: “IN L. RON’S NAME, I BANISH YOU BACK TO THE DEEP VOID!”
Serena: “NOOOOOOOOOO! I’VE NEVER ACTED LIKE THIS BEFOOOOOOOOORE!!!”
As Serena is swallowed by the giant space void, Marc meets Tom on the field.
Marc: “Tom, you have saved me and the people of Miami, but most importantly me. However can I repay you?”
Tom: “Scientology asks no reward. We only ask that you join us and give us 50% of your career earnings.”
Marc: “Will you take the Dolphins instead?”
Tom: (laughing) “We may be batsh*t crazy, but we’re not stupid.”