Kate Upton's presence required as a visual Band-Aid.

Two weeks ago, I brought you the incredibly brave story of Susanne Eman, an Arizona woman who is not only a Guinness World Record holder, but is also aspiring to be so much better at what she is famous for. Her claim to fame, of course, is that she is the fattest woman in the world and she is trying to become heavier. Sadly, one of her biggest peers is being forced to do the opposite.

Donna Simpson of New Jersey (least shocking detail ever) earned her own Guinness World Record back in 2007, when she became the heaviest woman to ever give birth. Now, though, after her fiancé dumped her, Simpson has come to a devastating crossroads – either lose weight or die.

“This life-changing move made me realise something important. The health and welfare of my family was always my priority and they were well taken care of by my ex.

“Now that I have sole responsibility of taking care of my children, I must drastically change my lifestyle.”

But she added: “That is, unless I meet someone who wants me to be heavier. But I need to lose enough weight so I can do things for myself, like get out of showers.” (Via The Sun)

Hear that, single guys? Sure, she needs to lose weight to stay alive, but if you want her not to lose weight – and, you know, die – then she’s all yours. This may even be a good opportunity to start my new fat people dating site, Thatch.com.

Witness true love and a terrible stereotype after the jump, and for the much braver among us, you can check out what is sure to be Simpson’s dating profile picture.

Now, are you brave enough?