Worst: 8 Guys Standing Around
Listen WWE, I’m not trying to tell you how to your jobs.
Wait, no, I AM trying to tell you how to do your jobs. People LIKE entrances, and they like to get hyped up for a match. Pro-wrestling entrances as a focus might be slightly trite, but it’s what sold me on everything from Chris Jericho to WoodMan’s stage on MegaMan II. To continue the steak analogy, sometimes you also need that sizzle. Or at least the A1.
You know what’s not exciting? Coming back from commercial to 8 guys, just standing around.
Best/Worst: Air Boom
I’m a massive homer and Dragon Gate mark, so may be cloyingly positive when it comes to Massachusetts-born Kofi Kingston and Evan “Brave Gate Champ” Bourne. I think they’re both good-to-great in the ring, even when held to the WWE’s style of wrestling and even though half their offense doesn’t make sense. That having been said, this will be the only time in my life when I’ll get a public forum to complain about the name “Air Boom,” and I’m gonna complain the sh*t out of it!
Don’t get me wrong: I like the matching tights, goofy smiles, and that DragonBall Z Fusion Dance-symmetrical thing they do at the top of the ramp; and I almost don’t mind that they don’t have a tandem-based finisher (because as a kid who watched wrestling through the 90s, the only thing that matters in wrestling is a pithily named Finishing Manuever™). But when it first became obvious that they were teaming the two of them up, my pun-obsessed brain became absolutely certain they were going to be called ‘Sonic Boom’. Ya know, like jetplanes breaking the sound barrier? Airplanes and ‘Boom!’ sounds, right? Right?!…
…And then you could have them wear matching camo pants, and make them come out to Guile’s music from Street Fighter 2, because ya know, the internet. You could even call the Bourne’s SSP “the Flash Kick,” and…and…
Alright, moving on…
Worst: No Alex Riley
Listen: I dislike Alex Riley as much as possible, which is to say as much as I could care about someone who doesn’t make me care about anything at all. And I could have a legitimate gripe to write about here: sticking Justin Gabriel on a show he doesn’t really belong on, when you could just as easily have put Riley in his place on a time and channel where he’s supposed to be getting recognized.
But, no, my real gripe is this: this is likely the only time I’ll be asked to write one of these articles and I wanted to do a good job. But living out on the West Coast puts me at a couple disadvantages in terms of time. Getting up early enough to finish this article requires being mindful that my 9 AM is already the East Coast’s noon.
So I cheated. I wrote a couple of pieces that I thought would fit in snugly based on what I assumed usually happens. The whole thing about Air Boom just above this? Yeah, that was at like 3 PM Monday afternoon.
So what happened? I write like 600 words on Alex Riley and that motherfu***r doesn’t even get booked.
The lesson, as always, is A-Ry for President.