Today at With Leather and across the sports-o-sphere has been a celebration of the “greatest night in baseball history”. If you aren’t up to speed, you can check out some of the amazing statistics or take a look at the emotional faces of men who both played in and watched the games.
The Tampa Bay Rays are going to the playoffs, and that works out well for The Dugout — that be-goggled gentleman in the photo is Kyle Farnsworth, relief pitcher and folk hero of the Official Chatroom For Major League Baseball. He pitched nearly a full inning against New York’s Scott Proctor, and if you’re a Dugout historian (and I know you are) you’ll know important that is to our epic, long-term storytelling.
Regardless, please enjoy today’s Dugout, which is technically the first in our semi-annual, semi-daily recapping of the MLB playoffs. (And drop us a comment, would you?)
The Dugout
** Online Host ** | ||
 | DoctorProctor: Here we are in the bottom of the 10th — Yankees Rays, with playoff fates hanging in the balance. | |
| DoctorProctor: It is the true definition of baseball excitement and is shaping up to be one of the greatest nights in history, and after all this time in chat together, who does it come down to? | |
| DoctorProctor: Scott Proctor and Kyle Farnsworth. Former teammates, former best friends, now locked in a battle of nerves and skill, sweat and bone. | |
| DoctorProctor: Don’t you think that’s just … amazing?? | |
 | pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no i am at this precipiece Literally every day | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: did u see when don johnson hit a homerun straight into a chump’s nuts-sack | |
| DoctorProctor: …no? | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: brb | |
**Online Host** **Online Host** | ||
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /
| |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: if you look closeally you can see it bounts off his foul pole spider-man-sense lines added for rob liefeldesque impact | |
| DoctorProctor: Well, that’s the last home run the "Bronx Bombers" are giving up tonight! We’re gonna win this game! | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: watch the video u can see the duder huncht over like "ohhhh shiit" i’d embed it but baseball.com doesn’t let me | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: probly cause the only person allowd "embed" with major league baseball is BIG BUISNESS | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: am i right up high | |
| DoctorProctor: Could we have this conversation later? I’m tring to strike out José Lobatón. | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: lobaton that’s easy just underhand it a lot | |
** Online Host ** | ||
| DoctorProctor: whew, got him Say, shouldn’t you be keeping warm? After I strike out Johnny Damon with my patented "baseball" it’ll be your turn to pitch again! | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no im on a strick four pitch liment it only took 5 guys for me to strike out the side i am p. much done for teh year | |
| DoctorProctor: are you serious This is the most exciting night in baseball history, Kyle! You’ve got to stay in there and pitch! | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: "most exciten night in baseball history" what’re you a virgin blogger, 45 goodish minutes dont suddenly make baseball exciten, scott, it is boring as f**k an you an i know it most exciten night in baseball history go blog about you’re are mom’s basement | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: im gonna change into my worlt series combat goggles an iPad the f**k outta some The Pretty Reckless | |
| DoctorProctor: okay :( How are they? | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i would say fairly reckless | |
| DoctorProctor: May the best team win! | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: the best team would not have scott proctor on it your f**ken terrible have you not rullized this since 2004 imma start pooring asti spumanti down the curve a my jock an splashen folks with powerful hip thrusts, PEACE | |
| ** Online Host ** Welcome to the Bottom Of the 12th Inning at Tropicana Field Chatroom! | ||
| DoctorProctor: /why is scott proctor still pitching | |
 | EvanAlmighty: /hits ball like it stole something | |
| ** Online Host ** EvanAlmighty has hit a home run. The Tampa Bay Rays have defeated the New York Yankees 8-7. | ||
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /
| |
 | pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: YEAH WHAT NOW SUCK MY JIM THOME CAPITAL LETTERS NEW YORK YANKEES WE ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS AN U BOUT TO GET PLAYED OFF CAPITAL LETTERRSSSS HOLY SH*T LOOK AT MY PANTS | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /thrusts hips | |
| EvanAlmighty: hey, watch it | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: YEAHHHHH BLEERRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH /smashes six pack of Miller Light against goggles, tries to drown Sam Fuld | |
 | WontGetFuldAgain: glarg glarg | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: MY ARMS ARE F**KEN WEIRD LOOKEN GO RAYS GO YOU F**KEN RAYSSS /smashes bottle of wine over Reid Brignac’s head | |
 | BrignacPaddywhack: /collapses | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: SUCK IT SCOTT TASTE THE YELLOWISH-GREEN DISCHARGE OF FAILURE, HOW DOES IT TASTE SCOTT HOW DOES THIS VILE PUTRID OFFAL TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH DOES IT TASTE LIKE ARBYS | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: DOES MY DYACK TASTE LIKE BRONCOBERRIE SAUCE SCOTT /thrusts hips | |
| DoctorProctor: Are you serious? The Yankees finished 32 games over .500. We clinched the AL East in like, February. | |
| DoctorProctor: We’re BOTH going to the playoffs! And we might even PLAY each other again! Won’t that be great?? | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ugh no i put on my emasculaten goggles for nothin | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what happent to the greatest night in base balls history, who did we even beat | |
| DoctorProctor: The Red Sox, maybe! | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well thats good i guess | |
| DoctorProctor: Check your iPad! See what the score is! | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i broke it in half poured boones farm in its insides and taped it back together in ecstacy i should pay more attention to base ball | |
| ** Online Host ** Meanwhile, in the Oriole Park At Camden Yards Chatroom … | ||
 | FredFlintstoneAndino: /singles to left | |
 | FranconaBun: /throws up hands | |
 | RedSoxFans: /gave up a month ago |
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com
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Masterpiece.
FredFlintstoneAndino is just fantastic.
“SUCK MY JIM THOME CAPITAL LETTERS NEW YORK YANKEES”
Wow. That’s the stuff right there.
Where the hell are his shoes? Kyle’s fashion sense sucks dyack.
“DOES IT TASTE LIKE ARBYS”
Great stuff.
BrignacPaddywack. Now THAT’S a screen name!
Epic. Been looking forward to this all day. Loved it when Farny started smashing stuff over peoples heads and Andino’s screen name.
Also, never would have guessed Farny as a fan of The Pretty Reckless. Taylor Momsen is a good dresser.
@UU – Farnsworth has a tendency to mention and reference things I’m too embarrassed to talk to people about.
As soon as I noticed the pitchers of record I came here immediately. I was not disappointed.
“go blog about you’re are mom’s basement”
I bow before you.
As an O’s fan, I hope Robert Andino is around long enough to be in another dugout. He’s quite the inarticulate interview and has fun with it. The O’s now air a segment in between innings called “Robert Andino at the Movies” and it was pretty much 2 minutes of him mumbling on how he has never seen Gone With the Wind. I fell in love instantly.
This is greatness.
If we just pretend that it was Dmitri Young who hit the game-tying home run, it’ll be like it really happened.
I must hang my head in shame; I had forgotten about the Farnsy/Proctor connection until I started reading this. In my own defense, though, I was celebrating Farnsy-style last night–and FredFlinstoneAndino is one of the awesomest SNs yet.
Sad we never got a Lobaton name
Finally, Farnsy gets revenge on Proctor for saying that Aquaman is useless.
Farnsy/Protcor = OTP. Also, LOL at Robert Andino’s pic. Jesus.
“imma start pooring asti spumanti down the curve a my jock an splashen folks with powerful hip thrusts, PEACE”
long may you run, professor, long may you run
In the bottom of the 10th I tweeted the following: I am currently visualizing the following boxscore: NYY 8, TB 7 WP: Doctor_Proctor LP: Pr0f3ss0r_F@rnsw0rth. Make it happen, boys.
Sigh. When actual baseball sucks I will just retreat into fantasy-Dugout-land. I hear they have Fruit by the Foot.
This is everything I hoped for and more. Thank you, Dugout.
His forearms are just soooooo long.
It is awesome that the “taste” in “SUCK IT SCOTT TASTE THE YELLOWISH-GREEN DISCHARGE OF FAILURE” is lined to a vibrant popup for Hellman’s mayonnaise.
But even without that, this was fantastic.
This makes me want to go back and read the early Dugout Epics of Farnsworth and Proctor. Those truly were literary masterpieces.
I turned on the TV today and was about to change the channel when I noticed the subject of the phone interview on SportsCenter was KYLE FREAKING FARNSWORTH! That spurred me to come here. I hope Farny and Proctor celebrate together by hitting on USA softball players.
Sometimes I go back and read the Darryl Kile dugout and cry.
Sorry, just wanted to talk about how awesome the Cardinals are.
Aw, I missed these Red Sox. It’s been a long time since baseball made me want to put a revolver in my mouth, but that yearly feeling of crushing disappointment is back, baby!
Now this is fan service at its best. So great. Also, Robert Andino should join the Crooked Hat Society.
I haven’t gotten to follow baseball that closely this year but holy balls Kyle Farnsworth is in the playoffs!!!
jthusky,
You want annual crushing disappointment, start following the Twins. After being crushed by the repetitive 0-3 playoff appearances, a 99-win season makes fans long for those years.
Pure genius at work!
Thanks, everybody. I’m going to try to keep up with these and get them up more often.
It’s about time Rob Liefeld got some love.
You knew it was going to be good when it was Farnsworth and Proctor in the game. I am not disappointed. This will be a postseason of epic Dugouts, I know it.
I’m a sox fan but I’m happy the rays made it because 1. the sox would have lost in round 1 anyway and 2. now we get to see farnsworth comics for another month!
go blog about you’re are mom’s basement
Best line about anything ever. This was amazing.