After last week’s inaugural “Suck for Luck” Power(less) Rankings, Matt from Warming Glow was upset that I didn’t include a Seattle Seahawks logo on the banner image, and I thought that I should explain the exclusion since he can beat me up. You see, as I’ve stated previously, this is by no means a scientific method. In fact, it’s pretty simple to point out that the Miami Dolphins and Indianapolis Colts are going to be sucktastic on legendary levels this season and the Green Bay Packers are going to be really good.

But it takes a lot of extra thought to sort through those teams that are teetering on the edge of “holy sh*t they’re awful” and “it sucks that they’re going to win a few games.” Obviously, Seattle is not a good team, so the Seahawks very well could end up making Andrew Luck their No. 1 pick next year. The problem is, though, that they play in the NFC West and are bound to win 4 or 5 games just because of the terrible competition, as we witnessed yesterday.

So I offer my apologies to anyone who felt slighted about their sorry ass team’s ranking, but if these rankings offer us anything, it’s the blinding reality that the Dolphins will somehow screw themselves.

On to the suck!

"I need a drink."

1. Indianapolis Colts (0-3) – The Colts brass announced this morning that they will examine their QB issues and make decisions accordingly. You all know what this means…

Realistically, get ready for David Garrard rumors galore.

2. Miami Dolphins (0-3) – Unlike the Seahawks, the Dolphins don’t have the comfort of playing terrible divisional opponents. At this point, I’ll confidently predict that they lose every game to Buffalo, New England and New York. But they’ll find a way to win a game or two and end up with a pick in the 2-5 range. It will be interesting to see who Bill Cowher selects with it.

3. Kansas City Chiefs (0-3) – How long until Todd Haley is fired? 10? 20 minutes?

4. Minnesota Vikings (0-3) – Adrian Peterson and Chris Johnson both received huge paydays. Only AP is playing like he appreciates it. He deserves better than 0-3. I’m predicting Christian Ponder by Week 8.

5. St. Louis Rams (0-3) – The Rams may be my worst prediction of the season. I thought these guys were poised to steamroll this weak ass division, and now they look like they’d scrape the barrel in Canada.