Stomper of the Lake Eerie Crushers has head stolenThe best part of any sports mascot making national news is that I’ve probably got a picture with him.

That’s me on the right (in a Cliff Lee Indians shersey, if you need to place it) with Stomper, mascot of the Lake Erie Crushers, an independent minor league team in Lorain County, Ohio. In what I can only assume to be a terrible episode of “Saved By The Bell”, Stomper’s head has gone missing. The video, courtesy of the fine people at Sports Grid, details the full investigation launched to retrieve an enormous, custom-made plush bear head, and the real news is that the report is hilarious and unbelievably overblown.

The people interviewed don’t seem to care much (“uh, yeah, the head costs money, so”) but Fox News 8 breaks out the Mission: Impossible theme, provides a deep history of Stomper’s presence at the park and puts a passionate emphasis on how important his dancing has been to Lorain County. “You used to be able to see Stomper dancing here … but now you can’t.” This is easily the worst thing to happen to Minor League mascots since I couldn’t meet Dingbat of the Bristol White Sox because the kid who plays him was “at church”.

If you’re the type who might know where to find his “beautiful, furry face”, please contact the Lake Eerie Crushers. Also, what the hell is wrong with you?

[h/t Pete Holby]