Sammy Sosa strip club

Forgive the grainy nature of the photo — it’s courtesy of TMZ, so I’m lucky there isn’t a huge T over Sammy Sosa’s face. Anyway, in the spirit of ESPN The Magazine’s White Michael Vick I present to you White Sammy Sosa, a jokey slideshow about how a white version of slugger Sammy Sosa would party with MILFs at strip clubs and try to cram money into stripper vaginas. Wait, is this real? I thought Burnsy photo-shopped this for me. I thought Sammy was undergoing a skin treatment, why does he still look like this oh my god

This is the only context we’re given.

Retired MLB player Sammy Sosa proved he’s still a baller by partying and throwing cash into a belly dancer’s skirt at Lavo in NYC on Sunday.

The 42-year-old knows a good tip when he sees it.

He proved he’s still a baller and that he looks like he should be getting arrested by Dick Tracy. Somebody get ESPN The Magazine on the phone, real life is taking this too far.