A few questions before we start.
- Do you know the enemy? You know your enemy?
- Are you familiar with the Best And Worst Of Raw? This is going to work just like that, only for the super special live edition of Smackdown. I don’t normally do these recaps for Smackdown because 1) I am a cool guy in real life who is probably busy on Friday nights and 2) With Leather doesn’t update on the weekends, and if I put it up on Saturday afternoon it will get four hits, and three of those will be from Upstate Underdog. If you like this write-up and share it around and leave me a comment, I’ll try to make a point to work it out somehow.
- If you haven’t read yesterday’s column, please do so before clicking through.
Enjoy our inaugural edition of The Best and Worst of Smackdown by clicking through, and stay tuned for our loosely-related slideshow, The 16 Most Outrabulous Teddy Long Jackets.
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I agree, I would probably be responsible for 3 of those 4 hits on the weekend.
I also agree that Green Day is terrible.
What happened to the super duper super live smackdown live blog?
@Keyser – It became this, because I was on a plane when it was happening.
Really, Green Day? It was hard to be a closet fan of them before they sold out their song to the putrid WWE.
I would give you a page view on Saturday.
If only because the column’s pretty much sucked me back into the WWE. Thanks for that, sincerely.
RICARDO, NOOOOOO!!!!!
/hates the Cena
//hates it forever
I can totally picture Teddy Long as a California Raisin sayin playa.
As soon as I saw the “Super Awesome Smackdown Spectacular ft. all of Raw Superstars with an occasional Smackdown reference” – Christian faking the jump off the turnbuckle into the RKO, I knew it was destiny to end up on here! But you already knew that.
Green Day “Know Your Enemy” is the absolute dirt worst theme to a wrestling show in history. It must be said literally everytime the subject is broached, as well as every time Smackdown airs.
Ok, reading.
A Kid Miracleman reference? In this day and age? You’re killin’ me, Smalls!
Worst: The Assassination Of Ricardo Rodriguez By The Coward John Cena
This whole thing man. Wow. You know what you need to do that I will support financially? Writing extended universe WWE fictional paperbacks. Much like Star Wars, WWE can’t be arsed to explain anything with any type of cohesion and things just kind of seem to happen for no particular reason, but then if you wrote books like this explaining everything it suddenly becomes brilliance.
I could put up with Cole if I thought for one second that someone, anyone, would eventually punch him in the face and make him bleed and cry. But he’s been doing this schtick for what feels like decades now and he hasn’t gotten any comeuppance.
I thought he was going to, but instead we got “I’m undefeated at Wrestlemania, King!” and I contemplate setting myself on fire
Worst: Michael Cole Thinks Hulk Hogan Sucks Because He Doesn’t Even Have Any Hair
This was fantastic too. Hilarious Hulk Hogan hypothetical aside, I recently re-watched TLC 2 and was warped back to my perception of the Hardy Boys when I was 14 and they were my favorite tag team in the world. If I had been told then that they were these weird redneck drug abusing trampoline jumpers I would have been like “what” and not even begun to care about them. Just hell, that really hit home with me.
Dammit, now I want a Mulkeymania and Farrah the Persian Princess versus Laser-tron, Jimmy “Boogie-Woogie Man” Valian and Jungle Grrl match.
/remembers how terrible WOW was
/remembers when G.L.O.W was on and thought it was awesome even though WOW was the same exact thing.
/Matilda the Hunn’d
I cannot fathom someone saying Alberto Del Rio missing from RAW is a good thing. He’s the only fun respite in WWE at this point in between all the fourth wall shit. I felt like I was suffocating amongst all the insider stuff without him around.
In honour of them being supershows, it would be sucktacular if Green Day covered the Raw theme, and Nickelback covered Smackdown’s. Then, if we find out where this musical abortion is being recorded, could we firebomb the facility and call it “justifiable homicide”?
I start watching Smackdown. I start loving Cody Rhodes. And on SUPERSMACKDOWNLIVE! the Intercontinental Champion is missing…ugh!
It seems like WWE is trying to appease it’s “internet guy” fans with all this 4th wall stuff. But, they are WWE and it gets convoluted and brings up a lot of questions that you asked.
Also, I feel like the crowd fucked up a great opportunity to say, “Que?” instead of “What?” when Ricardo was speaking. Would have been classic.
Good article again, B-Stro.
Wait, a Kid Miracleman reference? in a wrestling column?!
/falls out of chair
B, as much as I love you and everything you write, including your being the reason I’m back into wrestling, I’m not sure that I can ever forgive you for comparing CM Punk to Lord 7th.
Even if it’s currently accurate.
If Kevin Eck can get a job with the WWE, why can’t you?
I can’t believe Mark Henry’s had to do so much horrible stuff that you can write an entire paragraph of examples and “Hit on the world’s most obvious transvestite, and was shocked to learn she had a penis” doesn’t even make the cut.
Benoit and Jericho vs. the Two Man Power Trip thing (my favorite match of all time until… well, you know)
Ugh, I know. That match is like watching a version of The Naked Gun that’s as good as Blazing Saddles.
He’s that friend who interrupts your match to announce OH MAN HERE HE COMES HE’S GOING FOR HIS MOVE and tries to powerbomb you or something out of nowhere. And you’re like DUDE I’VE BEEN STOMPING YOU FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES and he doesn’t hear you because he’s making crowd noises.
Highlight of the week.
“Enjoy our inaugural edition of The Best and Worst of Smackdown by clicking through, and stay tuned for our loosely-related slideshow, The 16 Most Outrabulous Teddy Long Jackets”
Oh God I hope this isn’t just a great joke. Awesome article, again and that Cena thing…wow.
oh man that WOW refrence just took me back.
I’m waiting for the week D-BRYAN finally snaps and just kicks the shit out of Cole. And I feel like I’ll be waiting a long time since… ya know… apparently some guy trashing you on commentary every single week doesn’t merit some kind of ass kicking or even a mention. Not even an icy glare.
vegan… COOKIES… barglearg
Re: People who don’t like Alberto del Rio don’t like Mexican people.
A friend and I were lucky (?) enough to be at a Smackdown taping during ADR’s initial pre-taped promos. ADR shows up on the TitanTron and, before he says word one about being wealthy or attractive or classy, he says “Hola” and the crowd loses its mind. We couldn’t even hear the rest of the promo–starting with the SECOND WORD–because of the reaction to his non-English greeting.
So if the question is do some people hate ADR because he’s Mexican, the answer is BOOOOOOOOOOO LEARN TO SPEAK ‘MURICAN! HE TOOK OUR JEEEERRBS!
At this point, I am shocked we havent had a storyline where Vickie gets sold into prostitution by Mark Henry only to have it turn into a comedy bit with Santino. At least there should be a dvd with all the awful things they have made Mark Henry and Vickie do.
@Marky – Vegan cookies taste exactly like regular cookies. They aren’t granola bars between two rice cakes.
Remember those times Daniel Bryan did attack Cole? They didn’t take. Not even throwing The Miz at him.
All you people ragging on vegan cookies have inferior mothers.
Great as always. I agree that it’s bogus that this turned out to be the Stars of Raw featuring Smackdown. I am also really digging Sheamus.
I was glad this time that Mark Henry didnt have to open the door for himself and that the official just willfully opend it and let him in to attack Orton
Possibly controversial opinion! Only 5 places should ever get to host WWE (in order of crowd greatness): Chicago, Philadelphia, Detroit, Sacramento, and New York (MSG only).
Oh and I guess Canada too. I was thinking strictly US :)
My least-favirote Cole Isn’t Even Watching This Thing moment was when he went on about how D-Bryan only knows two sumbission moves WHILE HE WAS SETTING SIN CARA UP FOR THAT BEAUTIFUL MEXICAN-SURFBOARD-INTO-A-LEGTRAP-DRAGON-SLEEPER.
Hey, you’d get at least 9 hits because I’d be responsible for five more.
@Mike: I also noticed the ref just open the door for Henry to enter the cage to squash Orton. I guess you could say he did it so save an ass beating if he held the door closed but, he also could have left it shut and ran away. :/
@ Jason
The LA crowd was pretty good at SS too.
I think you underestimate how little we really have to do over the weekend. You would easily get double digit hits if you post on Saturday.
That being said, I have really nothing to write about the show. It was good, I guess. The fact that Christian kept walking to the door, and the referee would open it for him forcing Joey Mayhem (ne Randy Orton) to jump right up like it was nothing continually kept me from really enjoying the match. Just put a fucking lock on the door and go from there. The Cena thing is spot on. What the hell is the face doing hitting a defenseless man? Punk/HHH/Nash may not be as ruined as I thought after Raw, but we got three more weeks of this till NoC. Either make it interesting by making the winner the COO or just shut up.
/John Cena punched your mother for serving him cowardly vegan cookies
Also, @Brandon,
I hope this becomes a regular thing, I’d give you a hit on Saturday as well. Your columns are great.
Here’s my biggest problem with the HHH/Punk/ segement:
Mister H breaking kayfabe in a an attempt to salvage kayfabe.
“Who do you think got Living Color to agree to let you use the song? Who do you think approved that shirt you’re wearing while you were out holding the WWE title hostage?”
What happened to Punk’s contract having run out, and him showing up on Raw after Cena won the belt back with a signed contract and saying “Hit my music?”
Why would you license a new theme song and make a new t-shirt for a guy you don’t have under contract anymore?
I just wanted to comment to help get to 200.
Great column as always, I would definately read a regular Smackdown post. In fact I didn’t watch Super Smackdown Super Live Super……Super until I saw that it had been posted so please keep up the good work.
calm ant
Hold on now, playa. Teddy bought those suits at Steve Harveys garage sale, and he paid good money for them. Theyre not going anywhere.
Also I’d like to nominate the presidential ticket of Del Rio/Sheamus in 2012.Yes theyre foreign, but ou already knew that.
Also, as much as I like Ricardo Rodriguez, after hearing his Dora the Explorer impression stuck on repeat, I would have drilled him too.
Holy crap I forgot you were writing a recap for this. This wednesday just got (slightly) less shitty.
Also- holy fuck, Cena’s held the title 11 times already? Remember when Ric Flair’s 18 (18 TIME 18 TIME 18 TIME 18 TIME 18 TIME 18 WOOOOO SPACE MOUNTAIN) title runs meant something?
I’m not saying you could get a 3 DVD set out of the Best Of Lana Star, but she’s got to have at least a featurette’s worth.
Loved the write-up, and I would definitely start watching Smackdown again if it meant tuning in for a B&W of Smackdown on Saturday.
That said, I was one of the people glad to be Del Rio-less on Monday. It’s not that I hate the guy though (apart from that annoying “Mi nombre es, my name is, Alberto del Rio y eres un perrito and you are a little doggy.” Saying his trash-talk in English with the accent and mixing in just the commonly known stuff in Spanish is fine. I don’t need it twice.) I just think I haven’t seen him in enough actual matches. All I can recall from the last year of ADR is a number of aggravated armbreaker assaults either in non-match situations or after matches, a late-entry Rumble win and some strange brief feud with Kane Show. If pressed though, pretty sure I’d point at my Hispanic roommate screaming “puedes ver tu campeon” during every ADR-related PPV match for the last year as being my primary reason for wishing him ill. I would love to see him in some longer matches though, I just feel like I haven’t seen a ton of him in actual matches.
If you write about wrestling I’m reading it. I think that the brand extension only ended for Raw. Smackdown is going to have only Smackdown guys going forward for their Friday shows (at least that’s how I understood it). If that’s the case, I need to read a paragraph about Big Zeke Body-slam-a-rama. Also, I hope that they sign about 30 Mexican luchadores and do an all Sin Cara Royal Rumble. Booker T’s head would explode, with 30 guys in his Fav Five.
Oh, how I love Alberto del Rio, let me count the ways…..
1.) You know what, Cena? We figured out a long time ago that all those cars were rented out, because no one in their right minds would drive a luxury car from Mexico to a wrestling match 3000 miles a way every week….but it still takes some time and effort to rent A FUCKING LAMBORGHINI IN FUCKING EDMONTON! ADR deserves some credit for being the on;y guy to show to a wrestling match in the best way possible.
2.) Whenever ADR winks at someone, I want to punch him in the face. Not because I hate him or anything, but if some smug asshole was talking shit to me with a shit-eating grin and finished it up with a wink, I’d be pissed as fuck. In this jaded world we live in, I’m glad there is still somebody out there that can provoke a response with just a muscle twitch, without resorting to calling a guy’s wife a whore.
3.) He can get boos not by telling a crowd of 20,000 randomly-assembled wrestling fans that they’re all equally-horrible people, but that he’s an awesome and classy guy that just so happens to enjoy breaking Rey Mysterio’s arm. If we all had the ability to break Rey Mysterio’s arm, wouldn’t we want to flaunt it too?
4.) Isn’t it nice to imagine there is some rich Mexican aristocracy out there that ADR belongs to that ISN’T related to the vicious drug cartels that are plaguing the country?
5.) All the ways Brandon has mentioned before that I prefer not to repeat….but then you already knew that.
I should have separated my thoughts.
See, much easier.
I bet the best part about Vegan cookies is that you can eat the raw dough without worrying about raw eggs.
@UConngary7 HEY! I’m at UConn RIGHT NOW!!
@CJ I wish I was there, I started there 10 years ago
/old
@B I’m not entirely sure it is people disliking Del Rio but rather resenting him. Part of this is definitely because he is a rich Mexican, which is problematic for most of the wwe audience. But, for me at least, I think it is the fact that he came out of no where on the express train and was immediately champion. Shawn Michaels was wearing tassels and chartruse trunks and Mick Foley was threatening to kill people in boiler rooms for years in WWE before the fans accepted them as legit. Think about all the instant “Look at me, It’s my first job, and I have a shiny belt!” champions and where they ended up or are currently floundering. Swagger, Sheamus, David Arquette… Sheamus is just beginning to recover, Swagger is Swagger and David Arquette has turned to a life of alcoholism and not nailing Courtney Cox anymore.
Love the column. I’d love to see your interpretation of Impact because your writing is relevant, well thought, humorous and not on PWTorch. Oh, and every once in a while, a Best/Worst of late 80s early 90s wwf ppvs would probably be the best thing that’s ever happened to my internet experience. I almost p*ssed myself a couple weeks back when you recapped Summerslam from Wembley (right?). I still have the VHS of that in the giant-ass oversized Coliseum Home Video.
I love the Kid Miracleman analogy. But now if this leads to Cena becoming anything other than the Kid Miracleman of the wrestling world will be disappointing to me. Also, who would take the Miracleman role in this situation? Shawn Michaels?
So is John Cena is the narrator from fight club? Which version of him is going to start having sex with his rival? And does that mean John Cena is going to pork the Rock and really be ‘John Cena gay”?
Do the best and worst of Smackdown on Monday. That way, we have something to look forward to on Monday and Tuesday (Wrestling related)
I think it’s kind of a sad commentary on the state of the WWE that I generally find these columns more interesting than the shows and I mostly watch the shows so I have the proper context for each column.
This episode reminded me why I like Orton more than Cena.
Remember Monday when Orton put on an amazing match with a highly talented mid-carder? Seriously, that was the best non-PPV match in at least two months.
Remember Tuesday when Cena murdered a highly talented mid-carder after letting him get in only one offensive move I can remember?
I still hate the Undertaker for his 20 minute squash match of HHH at X7 and Cena is getting up that list too.
Seriously what the helllllllllllllll is wrong with the announce teams? Just terrible.
“John has to lie there in a state of semi-unconsciousness and let it seep into his brain like a baby with Mozart held against his mother’s stomach.”
THIS made me laugh so hard, I spit my post work beer onto my keyboard. I had to stop reading, get a towel and clean it up, all while still laughing. My mind went back to Punk-A-Doodle-Doo’s Promo of Doom, and the shot of Cena in the fetal position, laying up against the broken table. How you described it is EXACTLY what it looked like, and I could never put my finger on it. Does that make the table Cena’s mama? If so, who is the table’s baby daddy? WATCH AS MAURY GUEST HOSTS WWE RAW TO FIND OUT ALL THE SHOCKING PATERNITY ANSWERS!
/would buy CM Punk all the Pepsi his skinny fat ass could drink if he told HHH on Monday “Stephanie’s vagina be trippin’”
I know I should just appreciate the Best and Worst of RAW because some kids don’t have Best and Worst of RAW so eat up, but damn if I don’t hope and pray Smackdown’s tv scheduling changes and leads to a Best and Worst of Smackdown. Can we get Best and Worst of old pay per views? bestandworst.uproxx.com??
Yes! Give me a 10 year Mark Henry title reign, or at least one year. It would be so awesome to watch him toss all challengers around the ring like rag dolls.
I agree with Thatsamare…do the B&W of SD anyway…people might see it on Saturday, but it will definitely be at the top on Monday so all us hapless blogreel checkers will inevitably see it. Because Mondays sucks so bad already and your spin on wrestling is teetering on brilliant.
And thank heavens someone else hates the commercial breaks mid match as much as I do. I was planning on writing a column about that next week, but pushed it forward to tomorrow after that disjointed Haven-esque cage match. Which really is impressive because you can’t ring out during a cage match….::how do they know when to go to commercial?!::
Also, can we get a minimum of one AJ Lee pic per B&W? I know this may be asking much because her google image search is woefully gaunt, but you can do it, Brandon. We believe in you!
Who’d have thought you’d ever hear a Green Day song and wish you were listening to Papa Roach instead?
WHAT, no just kidding. Seriously though no del rio two shows in a row, I’m really starting to like him and then they don’t have him there for th SUPER shows, sucks I hope they have him kick the shit out of dolff ziggler next week and Vickie leaves ziggler for del rio
I hate Alberto Del Rio because I don’t want Mexican millionaires coming over here and stealing the jobs of American millionaires.
We know you get a chubby when you watch Albet The River wrestle, but no one else likes him. Deal with it.
Your analysis on who and what John Cena was/has become is the most intelligent thing I’ve ever read regarding pro wrestling. Kudos.
I think this column has brought back With Leather to its early days for me. When I read regularly.
I didn’t watch, but it seems to me that the Tyler Reeks’s of the WWE will soon be the Tylo Reekuses of the Impact Zone when this brand split officially ends.
Brandon, if you’re worried about Best & Worst of Smackdown not getting any hits on a Saturday, why not write the post and then save it for Monday morning? You’d get all of the hits and comments you normally get for the RAW B&Ws AND you’d have one less post to write on a Monday.
As for this column… that Cena explanation was just fucking wonderful.
The John Cena explanation is amazing, of course. Your constant explanation of his inability to ever give up is one of my most favorite things.
But come on, Brian Lee as Sin Cara and table flipping~
You ever think about doing some retrospectives with those WWE DVD’s? Was watching the OMG Moments (LULZ!!11ONE!) and Steve Austin beating the hell out of Booker T had me thinking they might be our generation’s Abbott and Costello.
I’ve been reading for quite a while but it wasn’t until you compared Cena to Kid Miricleman and then later describing that his 5 moves of doom are over 9000 that compelled me to write a comment, amazing sir, hat’s off to you.
I love love LOVE when you go into the paragraphs long explanations of a character. Like with The Miz and his concussion and R-Truth and the origin of Jimmy
“You know what you need to do that I will support financially? Writing extended universe WWE fictional paperbacks.”
Seconded and since I’m seconding I’ll buy two
also, lol at “inferior mothers”
Brian Lee as “fake Sin Cara” = more believable than Brian Lee as “UnderFaker”.
Your Cena breakdown was fucking excellent, even better than your CM Punk analysis, in my opinion. I feel like I could find those paragraphs as a document in a university course packet in an English grad. class. I nominate it for a Pulitzer… or at least a mention in the Ross Report.
Anyone else would just aimply blow off a cheap shot at a manager as the WWE being lazy and stale, but a long, incredibly crafted narrative of why the facade is cracking behind one of the most profitable faces in the company’s history means you’re not just thinking about it too hard, but you’re making all of us think about it too hard as well. And now nI really really care.
Please explain Michael Cole.
@uconngary7: I’ve been laughing at a 30-Sin Cara battle royal all day. Thanks!
I’d give you a hit on Monday at least, if you made the Smackdown column a regular thing. I DVR both Smackdown and Raw and watch when I have time. Smackdown’s funny to watch late on a Friday or Saturday night after drinking.
Anyone else pretty sure that Dusty Rhodes sings the 5 Hour Energy song?
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IHM SO TAHD YALL.
Look, I agree Green Day sucks, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is worse than Nickelback.
Also, Christian’s awesome pump fake in the cage match makes up for his hilarious moment in TNA where he slammed his own head into the ring apron while Big Bad Booty Poppa Genetic Freakzilla Scott Steiner just stood there. We’re all square now.