Best: CM Punk, The Miz
If I’m putting together a list of my ten favorite wrestlers in the world, both of these guys would be on it. As mentioned before, I’ve been a fan of Punk’s since he was forcing Chris Hero into Winnie the Pooh costumes, and Miz gets a pass for being from Cleveland, and for allowing me to do awesome, constant impressions of him.
That said, it pains me to give a big fat boring worst to
Worst: CM Punk Verse The Miz
Just … woof. I’ve sat here for twenty minutes staring at WordPress, trying to come up with a decent explanation of why Punk versus Miz seemed so bad to me. Some of it has to do with Miz never really seeming to know how to put everything together. Some of it is CM Punk as Smiling Babyface Chris Jericho, so much so that Not Great At Anything Else Twitter Chris Jericho takes offense. Most of it has to do with it being the most 1994 WWE match of the decade, going ten minutes that seem like twenty with the lesser guy dominating and things ending in disqualification as soon as they start moving. Truth messed up by actually getting in the ring and attacking Punk. If he’d grabbed a microphone and said PUNK! HEY CM PUNK, YOU WRESTLER! Punk would’ve dropped Miz and lost by forfeit.
I don’t know. It feels weird to bitch about the wrestling on a show that tried to give us a great amount of wrestling, and yeah, bad wrestling that goes through the motions and accomplishes nothing is better to me than the most hilarious backstage skit, but damn, a long match ending in a bunch of finisher attempts and a screwball finish nobody liked isn’t doing a lot to disprove the whole Mr. Anderson thing.
Worst: If He’s Sin Cara 2, Can We Call Him Sin Dos Caras
I’m fairly certain that the Sin Cara who wrestled Jack Swagger was not Mistico. I think it was Dr. Wagner, Jr. He looked heavier, walked to the ring to Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” with a bunch of strippers. I’m kidding, of course, but holy sh*t would Doc Wagner showing up on Raw be the coolest thing ever.
No, you can tell when it isn’t Mistico because he does the trampoline well. And look, as much as we like to rag on Sin Cara for messing up a lot and everything that gets reported from backstage, there is one thing Hunico can never do as Sin Cara: Be Mistico. Mistico is occasionally going to fall off the top rope trying to pull off a move, but he’s got a grace and a goddamn speed that can’t be reproduced. THAT is what made him a box office draw. That’s what gave him a comic book and an international following and a direct ticket to WWE programming. He’s special when he moves. Hunico is fine, but it’s not the same. It’s like when WWE signed Ultimo Dragon because they wanted another Rey Mysterio. Do you guys want another Rey Mysterio? Because Mistico isn’t Rey Mysterio, he’s a hybrid of Sabu and a f**king crystalline gazelle and if he’s there, f**k-up or not, he should be on our televisions.
Worst: This Vickie Thing Isn’t Going Anywhere
I think “Vickie Guerrero’s stable of wrestlers and issues with Dolph Ziggler” got created and dumped in a pile with the Beth Phoenix “end of the Divas” story. The initial idea is solid — Vickie has had success as a manager and gets good advice to expand her clientele from a guy who desperately needs to be a part of it. So her old standard gets jealous and thinks she doesn’t need anyone but him, and it causes strife. Right? That’s an easy story to follow.
Unfortunately the only story we’ve gotten to follow over the last few weeks is Dolph yelling at Vickie and the announcers ABSOLUTELY BEATING US TO DEATH IN OUR HEADS with “VICKIE’S GONNA HAVE A STABLE, YOU GUYS, JUST LIKE BOBBY HEENAN!” Vickie fell down last week for some reason, and then this week she walked down the ramp I guess… I guess to scout Jack Swagger? And Dolph interrupted her, and there was more yelling. Why would she wait until the middle of the match to start scouting Swagger? Shouldn’t she have tons of video and like four years of working with the guy to scout Swagger? And why would she do it from the middle of the ramp? That’s the worst place in the arena to scout somebody. They have big TV screens everywhere in the back, monitors and people who watch him for a living at the announce table, even the chairs in the audience are set up to give a clear view of the ring. You’re just staring from a distance at some ropes.
And then that led to a re-up of the worst finish in wrestling, the “I’ve been distracted, whoops now every move causes Maximum Damage”. Although to his credit, one of Jack Swagger’s biggest weaknesses has always been “getting jumped on by a really light guy”.
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Needs more Destiny.
They should’ve put a scarf on Hunico and sent him out to be Alberto Del Rio for the night.
This was awesome. And yes, I’m commenting as a read. Deal.
Remember when violence against women was a big part of wrestling? That was awesome. I beat off to Kane tombstoning Lita at least 12 times a day. It’s something about the way her red hair falls when she’s upside down.
Why did you stop the pro baseball analogies before mentioning CHIKARA? Say CHIKARA is Rookie of the Year, damn it!
“VICKIE’S GONNA HAVE A STABLE, YOU GUYS, JUST LIKE BOBBY HEENAN!”
No one will ever have a stable (The Heenan Family) like Bobby “The Brain/The Weasel” Heenan. He managed both Misters Perfect and Wonderful.
@B, I’m thinking the people complaining about you talking and showing pics of your girlfriend are jealous. Pictures of cute girls are nothing to complain about. Nice work.
@Upstate Underdog – Thanks, UU. I wanted to type “here is a picture of my girlfriend with FIST” but it sounded too much like porno.
All MY tanktops have sleeves.
This is the first time I’ve been here and there isn’t 65 comments. You shouldn’t have banned “John Cena Gay”.
Good series, though.
@B, good call.
the idea of Punk becoming Mr. Anderson makes me…. angry, or sad, or something that I would rather not feel. You know how you feel about Rob Van Dam? That’s exactly how I feel about Ken Anderson.
Thanks for the last line. I love my wife, and I love CM Punk, but it’s getting old watching CM Punk run down wives because sometimes wives give you instructions. Especially when “you’ve been burying everyone you don’t like for 12 years” is still out there and pure gold.
Never google “fist girl” with SafeSearch disabled. Off to bleach my eyes!
Lorenzo de’Medici: It’s the feeling of losing something that could have been epic and instead was that “good two month storyline.” Also see: Nexus.
I can’t believe they paid for the Nwo music, has to be a lot more expensive than Cult of Personality with all that Hendrix in there.
Also I think I’m starting to believe that the awesomeness of Money in the Bank is wearing thin and they’re back to being clueless.
I’m not going to try to be clever about this, but Kelly Kelly/Eve vs. the Bella Twins is the new Kingston vs. Ziggler.
That’s What I Am was shockingly decent, and Randy Orton plays the morally wrong person in it for about five minutes.
“I’m not going to try to be clever about this, but Kelly Kelly/Eve vs. the Bella Twins is the new Kingston vs. Ziggler.”
this. I thought that was all they had as far as Divas go.
Don’t turn your back on the Wölfpäc.
Otunga confronting Lawler was the best part of the night. For almost a year I thought that Otunga was going somewhere, whether as Starscream to Barrett’s MEgatron, maybe taking over the New Nexus after Punk’s unacknowledged abandoment of of the team, and now his confrontation with Lawler. I really want Otunga to do something to make me like him, so that the Nexus angle wasn’t an entire waste. But no, it’s going to end with Lawler and JR beating Otunga and Mr. Perfect Jr, and then Otunga being forced to wear a dress and getting hit in the face with a cream pie, just because.
Also, Cena accusing Christian of douching with spray tan was funny, even if the rest wasn’t.
What if Michael Cole were white?
I was trying to figure out why I was starting to hate Punk, but that’s it, isn’t it? He’s becoming Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson is like AIDS, cancer, and the bubonic plague balled up into one big ol’ piece shit. And that should never happen to someone as good as Punk.
I think B. Brian Blair is too busy failing at suing Carrabba’s and losing elections to re-evaluate his life. That and worrying about being put in the Camel Clutch and having his ass penetrated.
Since we’re getting a Smackdown recap tomorrow, am I the only one that thinks that Orton/Henry at Night of Champions is a terrible idea? You’re taking the guy you gave all the momentum in the world to, and putting him into a match he’s never going to win. I don’t want to see Orton beat Mark Henry. I want to see Orton get flattened.
I am going to be so unhappy when Mark Henry goes for that springboard clothesline…
Punk/Miz seemed really bad because no one knew who to cheer for. They hate The Miz, of course, but Punk isn’t really a hero either. Punk’s an “evil” babyface feuding with an actual established babyface and his friend whom everyone’s excited to see for nostalgia purposes only.
I’m really worried about where Punk is going. If he’s the next big star, why is he agreeing with R-Truth about a conspiracy? Why is Triple H looking like such a good guy? why is any of this happening
Every single time Punk actually says “pipe bomb,” Jerry Lawler’s weird anti-Punk commentary becomes slightly more relevant.
Which is horrible, because of course he’s a moron in an Ed Hardy shirt who’s wrong about almost everything.
C.M. Punk turning into Mr. Anderson literally sent my heart into my gut. So sad, so true. I couldn’t put my finger on why “PIPE BOMB!” and “HURRG” and “YOUR WHORE WIFE HAVE I MENTIONED YOUR WIFE SUCKS” were just annoying me last night. This is why. Ugh.
“From PWTorch, a caricature website with excellent tablet shading that sometimes mentions wrestling:” looooooooool
I recently went on vacation, so I didn’t follow any of this. Now I return and Brandon’s confused and crying and everyone’s in some sort of morally ambiguous clusterfuck or SOMETHING and it’s all looking very sketchy and Evan and Kofi are just smiiiiiiiiling and WTF.
I really enjoy these RAW columns, and i wish my English was better to come up with clever replies like these other fine gentleman.
I do wish that for us folk outasside the US, the youtube videos were playable…
Keep up the good work!~ and John Cena straight
CM Punk is kinda turning into the “I’m too hilarious for my own good” jokester face HHH that we all loathe. That makes me want to destroy all my senses in the most painful way possible.
Also, @Brandon. If you ever have the time or inclination, A WWE version of the dugout would be amazing.
JR looked SO UPSET about the soda on his suit. He took himself completely out of the confrontation to focus on scrubbing his jacket with a napkin that I’m sure some random fan just threw at him.
get well soon maryse
@Patrick- let’s be fair, no one is excited to see Kevin Nash for any reason.
That said I used to love Nash. As a kid I was really excited to see Diesel on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. That’s where I first learned his name was Kevin Nash and not Diesel. It was mindblowing. Now I am just find it awakward to look at his beard and clothing choices.* It’s like he’s hoping Jeff Bridges will play him in the movie version of his life, but they’d have to film it Lord of the Rings style to make Jeff look taller.
*Not that I am one to talk. My facial hair is laughable at best; and I suppose I wear the normal person sized version of Nash’s current wardrobe. But, I’m not on tv.
Sheamus always moves gingerly. Folks!
I cannot believe how long Punk did that vomit thing. At one point I started to think it’s a queue for the next guy to come to the ring. But, they were late so…HE KEPT DOING IT.
Wow. I just realized that WWE Champion: ADR wasn’t on the show. That can’t be a good sign. And I like him.
That Alex Riley promo made me wish for another installment of Silent Rage’s White Trash Cribs.
What’s the over/under on Air Boom’s new theme to be “Boom” by POD?
First and foremost, Michael Rappoport is a God among men…if for no other reason than his numerous Rock and Jock appearances.
Second, I’m glad someone else feels like Punk has been mailing it in the last few weeks. Beyond the extended barf sequence, which was brutally awkward to watch, he hasn’t said too much of note in about a month. We get it, HHH is a hen-pecked husband (or whatever), but as I think this (very) column has already said, who isn’t? Once you’re past 30, is that even an insult any more?
Third, what the hell was the purpose of that A-Ry thing? And why is it “Ry” and not “Ri?” That bugs the crap out me.
Finally, this always bugs me. If Nash just signed his official contract last night, how was he not treated like a regular trespassing fan at SummerSlam? I have a friend who’s trying to break into the business. I think the best way may be to go to the next PPV and power slam CM Punk.
Great article, by the way. I always love reading these…I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s Smackdown edition.
P.S. I think combining rosters is a great idea. Here’s to hoping it works out better than Brandon seems to think.
I always think of something funny (to me) to comment, then I read all the comments and forget what I was going to say.
Can I also add a worst for the continued off-camera burial of Zack Ryder. Say what you want about him, but he’s at least trying. Hell, he spent $1500 of his own money to make an internet championship belt!
I think it’s going to come out that Punk/HHH are in cahoots (about what, I don’t know) but Punk is basically being HHH at this point with his smirking about everything said, and being annoying. It’s amazing how quickly Punk went from ZOMG BEST TALKER EVAR to, Mr. Anderson (as you so beautifully put it).
loool @ the “i dont have a wife” call back.
Also thought of the absolute 2nd gayest name for Kofi and Evan thanks to your last suggestion: Shooting Star Paradise. The gayest of course is still Air Boom.
Why was HHH so surprised that Kevin Nash had been signed to a WWE contract? He had theme music and a Titan-tron video produced. I doubt Big Sexy was at home using Final Cut Pro and handing the guys in the truck a VHS and telling them to play it at the right time.
Whole lotta worsts this week, bleh.
Three Things:
1) Does this mean that Raw superstars are going to cross over to Smackdown as well? This would be a devastating blow to me since I have gone from a chubby wrestling fan with no life to a chubby wrestling who pretends to have a life, so my Fridays could be compromised.
2) Now that Nash-Punk is off for NOC can we possibly see it tonight? I mean, I understand that a talent like the Great Khali almost REQUIRES air time, but, you know, this could be good too.
3) McGillicutty is really Mr. Perfect’s son? …He must take after his mother.
Ziggler Orton was quality pro wrestling.
I have nothing more to add about Raw, so can we talk for a second about your novel’s Amazon page?
Who is Michael Stroud and why does it say that’s who wrote this book?
In the about the author portion is says you will live in Virginia forever, but now you live in Austin, what gives?
Also, I like how it also redirects you towards Scientific Progress Goes “Boink”. Subtle.
Oh and thanks for linking to that, I will liking be purchasing your novel when I get Magary’s.
Making my word contribution. Great article. Looking forward to the SmackDown recap.
“It’s that nWo music, isn’t it.”
Somewhere, Buff Bagwell quietly weeps for no reason. Scott Norton has a minor case of dyspepsia. And Konnan still utterly sucks in the ring.
Was I the only one who was pissed off about Cena’s shit eating grin and wink to the camera when he told ADR to come out and fight him?
Also, I was away for the Sin Cara match, so who decided on the “mood lighting” stipulation?
Ziggles is definitely great. Loving your Best/Worst of RAW recaps.
“I can’t believe I have to tell Sheamus to move gingerly.”
Line of the week right there, folks!
Huge best to Nikki Bella for putting an extra couple of booty pops when the Bella twins were introduced.
A subtle best for Kevin Nash doing the clicking motions after powerbombing Punk. Kind of funny.
” I told you Kevin Nash’s TNA theme made me think of Christmas.”
Ha ha ha! It totally does.
Last night when Punk did the whole faux puking thing, I immediately thought “Oh no, Punk went full Cena and is trying to do a family guy skit.” This is not looking promising. At least he still has skills to not become the next Anderson.
I’d like to add a huge worst to the ring announcer with his “JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHNN” Cena introduction. My god, it sounded like someone shoved a pineapple up his ass.
Theory on why they made a HHH/Punk Audible: Nash hurt something.
Teeblerone: NO YOU WERE NOT.
Consider that the nWo music may be a good sign. Since WWE bought WCW I assume they already had the license on the music and they would rather just reissue that instead of putting effort into making new music for him because he won’t be around for long. Please God, not too long.
Air Boom – “It’s like a child who has farted on a plane and can’t express itself.” Can we please get this on a t-shirt?
@Teeblerone: “Was I the only one who was pissed off about Cena’s shit eating grin and wink to the camera when he told ADR to come out and fight him?”
And next week Cena will kick his Hogan tribute career up another notch when he talks openly about ADR’s absence from Raw being because of visa issues. I figure that will get the required USA chant, right?
Funkhauser: “I’m going to make that match”
Triple H: “I ALREADY MADE THAT MATCH”
WHEN? How did you have time? What goes into making matches? Does Triple H have to just think the idea in his head or is there someone else he has to clear it with? That segment confused me so much. Is this a foreshadow of a Lauranitis / Triple H dissension in the coming weeks? All because they had the same idea within 30 seconds of each other? Why be mad about that? Triple H should have said something like “great minds think alike!” and patted on John Boy on the back. Why does Charles Robinson hang out with them? *JOHN CENAS MUSIC STARTS PLAYING* Seriously though why-YOUR TIME IS UP MY TIME IS NOW-does such a short cutaway-YOU CANT SEE ME MY TIME IS NOW-leave me with so many-KNOCK YOUR SHELL OFF-questions?
So you know how I’ve been saying for the past month+ that we need to give HHH a chance, and then Kevin Nash a chance, and that everything will work out, and last week it seemed that things were going in the right direction, and I commented and basically said ‘I told you so’ about relaxing and having patience? Yeah well….Fucking Christ. I enjoyed Raw as a whole, I really did. I’m excited that there are gonna be more good people in the roster, and we can get rid of the fillers. I’m gonna enjoy Miz/R Truth Conspiracy fight for the tag team. I still think that things will work out for the best. But…Jesus Fucking Christ. I was wrong about HHH. That’s pretty much it. There was no reason for it. That was not the way to do it. I don’t want to see it. Yeah, the show was already 10 mins into the overrun, so they had to rush it. But figure out another why if they HAVE to do it. Good show, horrible ending, and I’m questioning if this summer was a complete fluke.
/John Cena loses at the dozens every time
I didn’t get the see this week’s Raw due to this asshole hurricane knocking out my power for three days but as I was reading the show results last night, all I could think was “Wow, Brandon is going to hate ALL of this.”
Great stuff again. That Orton vs. Ziggler match was boss. I agree about Punk too, especially the part about a big part of it probably not being his decision. The only thing he did last night that I liked was no selling HHH’s announcement. I don’t know why that amused me as much as it did.
Those cookies were really good weren’t they?
I seriously think the brand nixing is just a temporary fix to hold over the roster while some guys come back from the mend–Show, Kane, Mysterio. It also has $$$ signs written all over it if it is somewhat permanent. Those kids that love Cena to tears aren’t tuning into Smackdown on SyFy and buying up Uso brand Tiki Torches at WWE.com
@Thatsamare I also hate that ring announcer.
As far as what I thought of the show, is it bad that I kind of want to see Triple H kick the shit out of CM Punk? I love Punk as much as the next day but the last few weeks, he’s just come off as a jerk. And not the Alberto Del Rio kind of jerk where he’s an asshole but it also hilarious and entertaining. But the kind of jerk where you just want to say “Ugh, shut up, jerk.”
I never thought I would see the day where I actually feel bad for Triple H but it seems like he’s the guy who is just trying to do his job and Punk keeps popping up and saying “HEY YOUR WIFE IS WHORE!” There’s nothing really likable about that. He’s just being mean.
Also, Nash really needs to change his look. Ditch the hair dye and grow a real beard. He looks so weird right now that I barely even recognize him as Kevin Nash. Hell, he might as be Hunico for all I could tell.
next guy* , not “next day”
Also: how has nobody called Charles Robinson “Lil’ Naitch” in forever?
Another Great Article.
Hoping for one on Wednesday to report the Live Tuesday Smackdown!
A Bay Area Reader.
Is there any other ending to Punk/HHH other than Hunter pedigrees Punk after Nash goes “Hey! Words from my mouth!” and then HHH acts incredulous when he sees the replay?
I’d leave a comment, but you didn’t even answer my email with a “No.” Also, HHH v. CM Punk, blah.
If Ring of Honor is lacrosse, what is Chikara? Team handball?
I’m looking forward to the Seven Hill City film starring John Morrison.
So if Johnny Ace was going to make that match, does that make HIM the Anonymous Raw General Manager?
That explains why we haven’t heard from him in weeks. Every time he’s about to flash the lights off and play his IM notification noise, HHH runs up and yells “I ALREADY MADE THAT MATCH!”
-This x 1,000: @Derek First and foremost, Michael Rappoport is a God among men…if for no other reason than his numerous Rock and Jock appearances.
-The whole part with Punk puking and scolding HHH/Nash for ‘acting’ prompted a lot of comments from me and my brother about the South Park wrasslin’ episode, and how Family Guy is shitty when Family Guy does it, and a million times worse when a wrestler does it.
-I’ve never taken note of how Kelly Kelly goes off the ropes with the same aggressiveness as a 90 year old man getting into the tub until reading this column every week. I can no longer climax during her matches b/c I’m critiquing her performace… damn you.
is it me or does anyone feel like a huge DX/nWo/Corporation stable is going to show up in the next year?
Also, my wife and I have done away with cable so this is about the only way I even bother to keep up with WWE anymore?
Not sure if anyone mentioned this yet or not.. But Nash just this past week was in Pittsburgh for a physical.. and something came up in that physical that changed the WWE’s mind about having him actually wrestle.. Looks like he will be around to cause headaches and interfere but not wrestle a match
The Air Boom name is completely terrible. And I agree that not having the Nash match is a cop out, but I sadly try to remain optimistic about where it’s going.
Regarding Hunico nailing the trampoline entrance smoothly…. He did have to grab the top rope on Smackdown last week to make it over. This was in addition to having to redo his match with Heath Slater because they botched it up too badly, according to live reports.
Anyhow, I haven’t watched this week’s Raw yet but it sounds like the show was a total clusterf*ck with a few solid matches. Also Air Boom is terrible.
Am I the only one who thinks that this returned JR sounds like a video game announcer? I feel like at any moment he might yell “HE CAN’T BUY A BUCKET!”
Its not that JR sucks, he just can’t get a word in and he’s trying so desperately hard to make the announce team good again. Get rid of Cole, I’m tired of him orgasming for the MIZ and ruining every good match.
I laughed hysterically at “I didn’t see ‘That’s Who I Am,’ did Randy Orton go to the papers with a handgun?” Well played, sir. The only thing I disagree with is that Alberto Del Rio not being on Raw is the biggest Best of the past month and a half.
Cole may still be tongue-bathing Miz and calling D-Bry a NEEEEEEERD, but to his credit he’s actually toned down his screeching animus enough that he’s actually calling matches nowadays. For like 8 FUCKING months every match was Cole going, “HE DESERVED THAT! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT (insert babyface’s name) ISN’T A TOTAL PIECE OF SHI” and the face announcers bending over backwards to root for the face, just to spite Cole.
I like to think that the WWE finally realized that having announcers feud amongst themselves while blatantly ignoring the matches was doing a disservice to the product.
I actually made an effort to try and watch Raw last night and still managed to forget, but I did catch the end and holy shit CM Punk and Triple H’s conversation was DROWNED THE FUCK OUT by that awful Cena music. Great job audio team.
I love how Kofi has been in the WWE for 5 years and still all they have to characterize him is “smiling” and “…have you seen the thing he does with his hands where he yells ‘boom’?”
Also, I love how the WWE keeps the Divas around and on TV, but the commentators all seem to not give a shit/not know how things are going to end. If you want people to give a shit about the Divas, maybe act like you give a shit yourself.
I definitely missed Del Rio this week. Great article, Best and Worst is the reason I started watching Raw again. (Don’t know if that’s good or bad) Thanks for the laugh!
Holy crap, HHH just swapped in for Nash? I wasn’t paying nearly enough attention. I just figured it would be another “your wife is a ho-bag” talk and zoned out. That is the worst.
@YeshMan
Great Job, Audio Team would be a much better name for Evan & Kofi.
More names that’d be better than Air Boom:
Vanilla Midgets
Team Baby Face
Sparkling Vampire Kids (Make them both sparkling vampires)
African Americans
Xtreme Flyerz (note the “hip” spelling)
Jeez. Apart from Adolf Ziggler bouncing around the ring, last nights RAW was terrible. And now, as I write, John Cena just opened Super Smackdown with an XFL air-joke. My interest in the WWE is waning but I’ll still read this column every week. Keep up the good work.
me fail english? that unpossible!
@stone cold jane austen: I lasted about six words into that Cena promo before taking a piss break. Another Smackdown thought – there’s nothing like Michael Cole railing at Daniel Bryan for being a NERDY NERD NERDERSON and doing up-tempo on-air promos for ghost hunters.
The Evan/Kofi tag team should be called ‘LENNY AND KARL’
I hate everything about where this is going. I was watching the night Hall showed up on Nitro too, and I know how bad things can be with these guys, even if HHH was never there. I read a recap of the gathering of the Juggalos wrestling events that said how Nash, Foley, and others spent the entire event putting over how good X-pac looked, and how he has another run in him, etc. NO. I have a bad feeling that this IS going the D-corperation-X-World Order direction, and that’s not good. I wouldn’t put it past H’s to bring 123-6-X-pac-kid back, or anyone else. Might be time for Punk to start acting like he’s the Crow and hanging out in the rafters.
How about “The Even And Kofi Show”? I believe there’s a theme not currently in use:
“Welllll it’s The Evan & Kofi Show
Yes it’s The Evan & Kofi Show tonight dawg oh
BLARGH BLARGH DERP DERKA DERKA”
Ziggler is great. He actually makes Orton’s crap moves look painful as hell.
Also loved Sheamus’ launch off the apron into Henry. It should take something like that to knock Henry down hard, and should only be done by guys like Sheamus.
Everybody’s promo’s are the exact same lately. Its boring. All kinds of schoolyard insults and bully posturing. So, so boring. I feel like everybody got the wrong idea from Punk’s original Promo of Death. They all seemed to adopt the “personal insult” part of it (which was a rather small part) and completely ignored the “pulling back the curtain/hard truths” part that made it historic. Punk included.
Speaking of Punk, there’s nothing worse than a radical who can’t wait to tell you how much of a radical he is. You want to blow up the industry, don’t keep saying “pipe bomb” to try a make it a catchphrase (and also using that phrase as a mask for the fact that you actually aren’t saying anything good anymore). You want to showcase wrestling, real deal wrestling? Don’t call for you finisher like its the 5-knuckle shuffle.
I’d be fine with never seeing HHH or Nash again. I’ve still yet to hear a good explanation for why HHH has been any good at any point in his career. Dude’s bored me to death for 15 years.
The Bella Twin Magic = Great Tiger’s Magic Punch.
For tommorrow-
Worst- The 10 minutes of his life that Sheamus wastes taping his ribs
Best- WWE builds Randy Orton as a schizophrenic with uncontrollable anger issues, so lets advertise him playing harmlessly with a small child every week to plug his dvd
This is seriously the best recap of professional wrestling anywhere on the internet. Keep up the great work.
You write the most entertaining wrestling stuff on the web, I leave a comment. Sounds fair.
Now where’s the new JIM THOME dugout?
alex riley gay
“Although to his credit, one of Jack Swagger’s biggest weaknesses has always been “getting jumped on by a really light guy”.”
And that’s why he NEVER gives piggy-back rides.
It also seems Matt Hardy is either going suicidal or trying to play all of his fans on YouTube/Twitter.
Bryan just jobbed to a wrestler the WWE is considering getting rid of in 2 weeks. My brain hurts.
If you love CM Punk you probably love Justin Bieber, nickleback and Jersey Shore.
It is that goddamn NWO music. It was the harbinger of the death of pro-wrestling and it will do it again if people keep cheering for that fucking asshole sonovabitch Kevin Nash.
I hate that sonovabitch so much. I haven’t forgotten War GAmes and the Mr. Perfect double cross out of nowhere after Arn gave him his spot on the Horsemen.
I swear that bastard has already taken all the steam out of this great fun America was having with Punk and WWE.
I look forward to this column every week, I hope to one day contribute more to the discussion than that.
great as always
It’s sad when a woman who never watched wrestling before she met me saw the end of Raw last night and said, “Too soon.”
/forgot women are banned now, I guess
Never mind.
ive read this every week sing TH of TWB linked it first… first time commenting, lets get this bad boy up to 200 comments ! :)
Announcing was awful again tonight on SD. Just when I thought they might be starting to leave Daniel Bryan alone… guess again!
I like the inclusion of the videos (namely the Ziggler-Orton one). I also like that part of the art of wrestling is creatively manufacturing ways to get your ass kicked without looking like you’re manufacturing ways to have your ass kicked.
You like Vegan cookies. Fuckin Gross.
@Zach – Yeah, not putting butter into something makes it gross.
I don’t know the Divas that well, but at the 0:50 mark, the corseted one says “they’re the ones making her so popular Beth”. Isn’t that Natalya then?
Thanks buttstick now I have to bring up the Miracle Violence Connection in random conversations every day.
“In this analogy, Smackdown is AAA, Superstars is A-ball, NXT is the rookie league and Impact Wrestling is that weird California league where guys like Rickey Henderson go to play when they’re 60. (Ring of Honor is lacrosse.”
Great stuff, as usual. Looking forward to the Smackdown Rundown.
“Triple H and Punk should happen, and yeah, it’s not “hot-shotted” or whatever you want to call it, but damn”
Why is ‘hot-shotted’ being criticized as a phrase but we are expected to embrace a Monitor/Anti-Monitor reference only fans of 1980s DC Comics would get?
Not that he is the GAWD OV RASSLIN NOOZ (alternatively ‘whatever you want to call it’), but Meltzer of all people uses that phrase in podcasts when merited, ahough that is usually when discussing TNA booking. I am not saying BE MORE LIKE MELTZER, GODDAMMIT! but why crap on a common IWC term? Using that term is not like saying 3.14159265/5 GOLD STARS after an exciting but sloppy match with a memorable finish, which I understand is annoying.
“And then Triple H walks in and is all YOU CAN’T MAKE THAT MATCH BECAUSE I ALREADY MADE THAT MATCH. Charles Robinson should’ve said “yeah I made that match too”, and then the camera should’ve panned to the right so everybody on the roster could yell WE MADE THAT MATCH TOO in unison.” happened on page 4 and i was still laughing on page 7. Holy shit that was funny. Great post, yo!
Vegan cookies? ffs
Punk/HHH is going to end one of two ways.
1. Harbinger of doom way: Punk gets buried, pedigreed, and is losing to Sin Cara on Raw the next night.
2.(Sadly, this is the one that leave me “hopeful” the angle is going somewhere not completely terrible). Nash eventually runs down to the ring, and when he attempts to big boot Punk, he of course misses and inadvertantly nails HHH. Punk then hits the GTS,gets the three and bails out of the ring. Hopefully, Nash didn’t tear multiple muscles executing the big boot, and if that is the case, he and HHH will have a stare down, and then we’ll go to Raw the next night and…crap, there’s nothing good coming from this angle.
The TNA hate was full on this week, I enjoyed it but makes me want to see a Best/Worst (or maybe just worst) of iMPACT.
@Knight Owl – I could kind of go for that.
Although I think I’m one of the few left who can still enjoy TNA. I actually think the Bound For Glory series was a great concept: actually keeping track of wrestlers’ win-loss records like they mean something. Think about it, an otherwise ho-hum A-Ry vs. Ziggler match actually becomes important if the win can actually mean something. Granted, of course, I don’t really need to see the Pope hanging out with Devon’s kids in the middle of it.
I want to believe WWE is improving, and re-merging the two “brands” is a step in the right direction… but Beth and Natalya still stand in the back doing skits while Bellas “wrestle”, Daniel Bryan is only allowed to win one in five matches at best, and Mexicans are fully interchangeable if you put a mask on them. There’s still so much not to like.
THASS MAH BOY D-BRYAN!!!
The most suspenseful moment of the night was watching Kevin Nash attempt to climb three steps.
@MassConspiracy – You could also go with “shotgunned” instead of “hot-shotted”. That’s the term Axl Rotten used to describe what the WWE did to the CM Punk worked shoot/contract angle.
I watched about 3/4 of Raw last night on DVR and my earlier comment was pretty accurate. Holy crap was that a terrible show. The in-ring talking segments were just brutal for the most part. Cena in particular was worse than usual. There were some really solid matches, though. Ziggler sold the hell out of Orton’s offense and put on a great match.
A lot of last night was a mess.
Best: Randy Orton’s do-it-yourself Spike DDT. I thought he was leeching some of Ziggler’s intensity when he did that set up, and I thought it was great. Ziggler doesn’t do it for me, but I do enjoy the way he sells the living shit out what he’s done.
Second best: Punk staring up at Nash and going “click, click, click”.
Worst: Having to agree with the CM Punk/Mr. Anderson thing. I’m an arrogant, straight-edge douchebag that loves having the Right guy be the Bad Guy, and I had to -_-;; at Punk tonight.
Miz is my second favorite wrestler, and I found myself not paying much attention to the match (I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere). That’s not good.
This show feels like it was in a damn holding pattern this week. I liked the Punk “click” stuff, even if he should have followd it up with jabs at H3 and Nash _still_ hogging the facetime, but there wasn’t much else.
I think Christian should join up with R-Truth and Miz. Because there is a conspiracy against him. I get that he’s a bad guy, but they are making him look like a shit sandwich lately. He has to spit on Orton to win the title then loses the title at SummerSlam. They make the setup for the Killswitch a half hour.
I think I follow your baseball analogy (took me a minute and a trail of breadcrumbs…), BUT – as long as they’re making sure that they “call up” the right guys on a fairly regular basis, the extra exposure can be good for the guys still developing. If Wade Barrett…
/watches Barrett get squashed by Cena on “Super-Smackdown”
//shows self out
PS – the only way the nWo music isn’t a total harbinger of doom? R-Truth turns out to be the leader, and it’s the “true World order”.
tWo gonna make sure all you Jimmies get GOT!
very good again this week
@JBShakes tWo??!?! YES MOAR PLEZZZZ!
I didn’t even know Dolph Ziggler wrestled, and he was fantastic. How is this guy not a bigger deal?
Enjoyed the hierarchy of wrestling organizations a bunch
Hate to say it but Christian’s post-Edge run feels like Chavo’s post-Eddie run. The audience lost someone, they decided to capitalize on this by bumping up the sidekick, who has talent but who can’t sustain interest. Pretty soon you get tired of seeing them and then they start jobbing and then they’re on superstars, and finally they’re retired/in TNA.
I like Christian, but there’s nothing about his current run that I enjoy.
I look forward to these “Best and Worst of ” every week. Keep them coming!
And look, as much as we like to rag on Sin Cara for messing up a lot and everything that gets reported from backstage, there is one thing Hunico can never do as Sin Cara: Be Mistico. …Actually, yes he can be Mistico, way back in the day Hunico (Spelling fail, should be Unico) was known as Mistico while he was wrestling ins Ciudad Juarea; when Mistico from CMLL appeared, CMLL copyrighted the name and Hunico had to change to Mystico de Juarez (ohhh how original) anyway due to lack of promotion in Juarez he moved on to try out for WWE, where he became Hunico, and now he is filling up Mistico as Sin Cara.
If WEE runned a back up check, this could be a hell of a story, but both Mistico against Mystico to fight for the Sin Cara Mantle and the winner faces off to ALberto Del Rio, with Alberto loosing, and turning to Dos Caras Jr AND ALberto del Rio to beat the hell out of both Sin Cara and Hunico or Sin Cara and Mistico.
There was a sweet article that that smug bouncer Panther Joe wrote at Camel Clutch about the existence of new themed wrestlers. Basically, could we have another Rey Mysterio? Because if you keep the mask, technically ANYONE can be Rey Mysterio…or Sin Cara…or Optimus Prime (WWE Contract pending.)
@El Superbeasto – he’s not wonderful on the mic, and they saddle him with a lot of dumb crap involving Vicki Guerrero. The guy is great in the ring, though.