The Samantha Micellis

Yeah, like I was going to use a photo from when she was young.

Alyssa Milano didn’t really reach that special status until the 90s when she went the bad girl route, but for the sake of this special project just play along. That pervish laziness aside, I’d rather have two of these guys than one of the receivers in the previous group. They’re good for big numbers, too, they’re just not guaranteed.

7) DeSean Jackson – Mighty Mouse finally ended his lockout today, so he should be ready to resume his role as Mike Vick’s No. 1. Some people would argue that Jeremy Maclin might be the better pick, but it’s Monday and I’m not in the mood to argue.

8) Mike Wallace – I think Wallace should jump to that top tier group this season. He’s talented enough, and nobody is more capable of those fantasy-friendly 80-yard TDs. But he gets negative points for his pointy haircut.

9) Reggie Wayne – The Indianapolis Colts make me feel very uneasy this season. I don’t trust any of them. They can prove me wrong all they want, but my gut tells me less Colts, more Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

10) Brandon Marshall – All reports indicate that B-Marsh showed up to camp in the best shape of his life. Now it seems that he and Chad Henne finally “get each other.” Doesn’t matter, he’s going to plummet in drafts because nobody trusts him or his cutting board abs.

11) Santonio Holmes – I really think Holmes is going to have a huge “Thanks for that new contract” season and make Mark Sanchez look deceptively good in the process. So then, how will Rex Ryan screw this one up?

12) Vincent Jackson – Playing for the paycheck and nobody wants to be paid more.

13) Marques Colston – He’s always good for a bunch of TDs. But everyone seems to think Robert Meachem will become the New Orleans Saints’ main guy.

14) Miles Austin – I’d rather wait a round and grab Dez Bryant. But Austin should be solid as long as he’s not still upset that Kim Kardashian is marrying a New Jersey Net.

15) Dwayne Bowe – Another member of the probably going to take that next step club.