With Leather's founding editor Matt Ufford attended the CrossFit Games in Carson, California last weekend. This is his report.
If you've never heard of CrossFit, the simplest description for it is "fitness cult." As with most cults, there are gurus, a particular style of dress for its members, and a separate vocabulary that can take weeks or even months to learn. Notably -- as with most cults -- gurus and followers alike shy away from the word "cult." But there's one important difference between CrossFit and Scientology or Jonestown or the Movementarians: obeying CrossFit's religion of short but intense workouts produces undeniable results.
Nowhere is that more obvious than the CrossFit Games, the fledgling sport's annual competition to determine the fittest of the fit. The devotion of the faithful is on display everywhere: in the competing athletes, in the muscular bodies of the crowd, in the companies hawking fitness wear and protein drinks, in the food trucks selling snacks compatible with the paleo diet. Even as someone who works out at a CrossFit gym*, I felt out of place with my average build and torn pectoral muscle and general unwillingness to take off my shirt amidst a sea of physical perfection.
On the following pages is a photo essay of the Games, with my commentary peppered in. The professional-looking images are courtesy of CrossFit; the crappier candids were taken on my iPhone.
*My trip was sponsored by Sportsgrants, a non-profit organization that runs Fight Gone Bad, a charity I raised nearly $24,000 for last year by humiliating myself.
People in Green Man costumes and cute chicks in sports bras. This is a brilliant way to advertise. (NOTE: I have no idea what product they're advertising.)
This guy's Marine Corps tattoo has a Marine Corps tattoo. We have to go deeper!
I wanted this company to have brackets in its name, because I'd definitely buy a shirt from [sic] Fit.
Two of the best-represented gyms at the Games were San Diego's CrossFit Invictus (in green) and Brick CrossFit of LA (orange). Their passionate cheering blocks made the Games feel more like a real sporting event and less like watching random people work out.
Navy SEAL Bridges -- from CrossFit Invictus -- finished second overall, and provided what may have been the Games' most exciting moment with his dizzying come-from-behind clamber through the "Killer Cage" to win Event 6 in Saturday's final heat.
Invictus had a Navy SEAL finish second in the men's competition. LA's Brick has incredibly attractive people. Winner: BRICK.
It's pictures like this that make me feel terrible about myself. I'm five-ten and about 165, and I've huffed and puffed my way through 90-pound sled workouts. Here, Bridges (5'5", 160 pounds) pushes 385 pounds on the sled. That may be why my Fight Gone Bad score is in the 230s and his is 485.
Here's a look at the "Killer Cage" that left a lot of palms bleeding on Saturday afternoon. What was essentially a massive jungle gym crippled some of the most fearsome competitors, tearing open the athletes' calluses after the metal bars sat out in the hot sun all day. (Ben Stoneberg finished 20th overall.)
The emcee for the Games was Travis Bagent, a bombastic 275-pound human being who also happens to be one of the best arm wrestlers in the world. In between events, Bagent arm-wrestled the largest, strongest men in the audience -- and crushed each of them right-handed within seconds. Bagent is left-handed.
Without a doubt the coolest dude at the Games (and the image that Brandon would have led with if he were writing this article). This guy's (very hot and fit) girlfriend was mortified at his popularity.
The vast array of fitness sponsors and vendors was the primary location for people-watching. Every other tent seemed to have some sort of fitness challenge to offer -- dead-hang pull-ups, 250-meter row, jump rope double-unders, tire-flipping, and more. (And before I get accused of snapping ass pictures of strangers, the Lycra short-shorts and sports bra combination was standard wear for hundreds of women in attendance. It was hard to take a picture and NOT get something like that in the frame.)
Once you get over the physique of Finland's Vainio (19th overall), take a look at the shoulders of everyone in the audience behind him. Not exactly the same crowd you'd see at a Bears game.
Judges are chosen, I assume, for their unforgiving precision and capacity for cruelty. I saw one judge negate at least ten, maybe 15 reps of one of the male competitors who was favored in the Masters Division (that's what CrossFit calls old people). The judges' uniform was that ubiquitous yellow T-shirt and shorts however damn short they wanted.
Pictured: 2008 champion Jason Khalipa (7th overall this year) and last year's champion Graham Holmberg (4th overall). Khalipa is an absolute MONSTER. I can't believe he's wearing a shirt. If I looked like him, I'd only wear a shirt to enter restaurants.
Hey everybody! check out Lindsey Smith's snatch! ... what? She's getting the weight overhead in the snatch lift. Why's everybody laughing? (Smith finished 16th overall in the women's division.)
As mentioned earlier, CrossFit Masters is the polite term for "seniors division." But it seems like a fair euphemism, since the seniors look like this.
Here's Michelle Kinney (17th overall) -- also featured in this article's first image -- doing a weighted pull-up with 35 pounds strapped to her waist. If you want an embarrassing comparison, I'm a combat-tested Marine, and my best weighted pull-up is 28 pounds (with a torn pec, but still).
Oh, hey Blair Morrison! I was just feeling bad about a woman doing a pull-up with 35 pounds of added weight. Thanks for doing it with 100 pounds. (Morrison finished 5th overall.)
Schrader only finished 14th overall. What a pussy.
I didn't write this dude's name down, but he was jacked as hell and only finished 4th or 5th in his heat in Event 6 on Saturday. But he still wins first place in the Extra Ab Muscles Competition.
The Killer Cage crushed the will of some of the Games' strongest athletes, and this bitch is SMILING while getting through it. (Leblanc-Bazinet finished 8th.)
Froning was the runner-up in 2010, and ascended to the title of "Fittest on Earth" thanks to an astoundingly strong and even performance across ten events in three days. (Note: I'm usually sore for 2-3 days after a single CrossFit workout.)
Tovar only finished 37th, but she snatched 135 pounds -- and my heart. Marry me, Stacie, and wash my clothes on your stomach.
With shade at a premium, athletes napped between events. As for the bloggers in attendance? Left to rot in the sun, suffer from jet lag, and complete this photo essay two days after it should have been done. Life's a bitch.
For more on the CrossFit Games, watch a video of champions Rich Froning and Annie Thorisdottir here. Write-up here. Team results here -- CrossFit New England took first place, because OW-AH CROSSFITTAHS AH FITTAH THAN YOWAH CROSSFITTAHS.
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I feel even fatter after reading this, now if you’ll excuse me I have a jelly donut to eat.
Nice work Matt, I hope you treated yourself to an In-N-Out burger while you were out there in Cali.
*Looks at gut, Snickers’ wrapper over MPRE study books, bawls eyes out*
*rolls whey protein up into a ball, deep fries it*
I just finished a 5k run. I made good and I was feeling pretty good about myself, until I saw this.
*leaves computer to cry in a corner*
deep fried snatch…yummy
I’m in decent shape these days, but feel like I’d complete the first minute without effort, then turn and collapse and just be dead forever
@Ufford- NEEDZ MOAR CROSSFIT GIRLS
Also @ Ufford- I’m a fellow crossfitter. Everytime I see Spealler compete I hate myself because he is my size. And I am not that strong /no reps self
The chick in pic 22 looks like a girl my buddies and I call “Traps” at the gym I go to
Crossfit Cultists hard at work.
In re: Pic 12
Send me a link to the ass pictures of strangers you snapped.
I was in the CrossFit cult ’07 to ’09, but a nice little herniated disc in my neck, followed up by fusion with a titanium plate and four screws in my neck, kinda forced me to abandon (although I’m slowly trying to get back in it). I preached CrossFit to anybody that would listen and thoroughly enjoyed the looks I would get throwing weights around during jerks/cleans/thrusters interspersed with runs around the building. I heartily commend you for your efforts each year in the Fight Gone Bad charity and really enjoyed these pics.
The product the greenmen and girl are promoting is “life as prescribed” or commonly known as Life as Rx. They pretty much make crossfit attire, like puking unicorn shirts and “buck furpees”
Shereen has got it. They also make an awesome “Bacon is good for me” shirt.
This website needs more Camille Leblanc Bazinet. She’d crush Kate Upton.
Canada needs A fight gone bad gyms.
the green men are advertising “wodkilla” apparel… if you are part of the cult you understand…
I play real sports, I’m not trying to be the best at exercising.
Great article. As a current cross-fitter/cult-member I enjoyed the coverage. I’m actually a member at Brick and one of the perks of training in Weho is that there’s no shortage of attractive women. Come by sometime!
Julie Foucher…..what more can I say, apart from the fact that I want to Fouc-her…..I don’t even know what that means…
Which food carts were Paleo?
Goddamn, I hate myself. I’m going to start robbing banks so I can afford to join a CrossFit gym.
In my fittest years I used to do sets of 30 lbs. weighted pullups while working out. Several years and 20 lbs. of fat later, not so much.
My only problem with Crossfit is that people act like it’s some revolutionary new workout system. People have been doing the same workouts for years, just without the stupid names and cultish attitude. Oh shit a hang clean? I’ve never seen that before.
If you don’t have a sub-4 minute Fran time, then you are a gay.
I can’t do crossfit. I don’t have enough tats.
That’s “former Green Beret” Schrader, actually. But he’s still a pussy.
I slowly wilted and died after looking at those pictures.
I can see from Kenny’s pic that real sports = hours of Call of Duty on the XBox. And my Fran time is 6:48, so yeah, I’m a pussy also.
haha, that’s pretty funny jbroz!
Yeah, these pictures make me feel bad that I cannot afford massive amounts of steroids and HGH like these guys.
Does Greg Glassman even work out? He’s so out of shape
The fittest athlete on earth is the winner of the decathlon at the summer Olympics every 4 years. These CF athletes are not even on the same planet, and this year’s games were boring as hell to watch. No real strength or power test either, just boring ass conditioning.
I agree. Did they do valid drug tests on any of the exercisers???
Look at the delt and trap development on the top-ranking women, and then look at their overall abdominal leanness. It’s like the freaking East German swim team decided to take up competitive exercising. BTW, I have nothing against androgens, I just don’t think people should lie about it.
I’ve worked out for around a decade and can honestly say I don’t think any of those people would NEED to have used any kind of drugs to get into that kind of shape. I’m not saying that they haven’t, but you can get like any of those guys naturally if you are willing to put in the years of hard working out/training and a more than a bit of dieting. Some of it can be genetics as well, which if you are winning an event like this, are likely in your favor.
I would rather piss blood than do a Cross Fit workout…. oh wait…
BTW — those were chinups, not pull ups. Technically, I’m 165 and do pull ups with 85# strapped internally around my abs.
Great stuff Matt. I’m sure you’re pretty fit in general but it seems pretty impossible to feel good about yourself at these events.
Also it’s worth mentioning that the women’s winner’s (Annie Thorisdottir) name means “Thor’s daughter.”
If there are no black people competing then it doesn’t count.
Weighted pull ups are my favourite. I can actually do 100-pounders.
I saw a Vero Beach competitor in the photos. He runs his own fitness studio in conjunction with the local Crossfit gym.
If you have the time and money, Crossfit is for you.
I tend to see it as kind of a cult.
I do chin-ups with a keg strapped internally around my abs.
Well it’s internal after I finish….