Unless you’re still locked away in your fallout shelter, you already know that yesterday’s 5.9 earthquake in Virginia wasn’t very much to worry about. Sure, us hurricane-loving, proper-time-zone-having East Coast simple folk only know tremors as a delightful Kevin Bacon film about giant worms. So you left coasters will have to forgive us when an earthquake actually strikes our neck of the States and we act a little shocked. And laugh all you want, but just wait until I send some Floridians out your way to register as California voters. Who will be laughing then?
As usual, some professional athletes took to their Twitter accounts to express their hysteria and/or indifference at yesterday’s earthquake, which reportedly reached New York and Pennsylvania. Sadly, our favorite usual suspects like Chad Ochocinco, Jose Canseco, and the Iron Sheik were mum on the quake. But some new faces – mostly athletes from the Washington D.C. area – stepped up and added their own interesting commentary on the matters. Thankfully, none of them blamed it on gay marriage.
(Hat tip to SB Nation and NBC Washington.)
Neild is one of the many hilarious people who set his Twitter font as white so you have to highlight it to read what he Tweeted. HA! HILARIOUS!
Espinosa, of course, had a hot month of June for fantasy baseball owners, so much so that he made me believe that it was time to trade off Dan Uggla and call him a hopeless waste of a draft pick. I was totally right and there is nothing you could say to change my mind, especially anything about a 33-game hitting streak. Nope. Nothing.
As a testament to my knowledge of hockey, I had to make sure that the NFL John Carlson wasn't playing a joke on us.
LOL Hysteria is hysterical!
Where else does she work to have money?
I think if we've learned anything, it's that the Redskins have tough WRs. Terrible, tough WRs.
And the Chet Haze Twitter Speak Award goes to...
I just wanted to add this because it made me laugh.
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Donte Stallworth really shouldn’t be making jokes about dodging death.
Man, that Buzzfeed article you linked is infuriating. I think if God wanted to destroy the world, he’d do it because we’re all such a bunch of illiterate reprobates.
That Buzzfeed article doesn’t know what it’s talking about.
As Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell told us, when God gets mad about gay rights in America, he strikes us with a massive hurricane or the 9/11 attacks.
Earthquakes, meanwhile, are the result of Haitians making pacts with Satan.
I’d like to add Ozzie Guillen to the list of favorite usual suspects.
What did people blame earthquakes on before gay marriage?
I would think America’s gluttony would be to blame for earthquakes, whereas gay marriage feels more like a double rainbow type thing.
I only wish I was fucking my wife during the earthquake so my ego would be lifted a bit higher. ‘Yeah, girl. That just happened’.
Here’s hoping that L.A. gets a foot of snow this January. It’s called winter you cunts. Buy a shovel.
know tremors as a delightful Kevin Bacon film about giant worms
You, uh, spelled Fred Ward wrong there, Burnsy.
Geez, John Carlson scored the OT game-winner in the gold medal game at the 2010 World Junior Hockey Championships. HE IS AN AMERICAN HERO! Like Chris Drury and Danny Almonte.
I just hope my white wine collection wasn’t ruined.