Your move, Apple.
Saturday night, while I was out saving the world from an overabundance of beer, I got an email from Brandon with the subject "Holy Hell" and a link to Darren Rovell's Twitter. I couldn't open it on my phone but I assumed it was extremely important because he asked if we could handle the topic in-depth and of course I was like, "Maybe?" When I got home and checked the Rovell Tweet in question, my answer was simple - F*CK. YES.
Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton was at the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Miami - the same one that Jay Cutler and Chad Ochocinco attended last Thursday - and that's news. It's sports news, movie news, political news... whatever. Kate Upton is news. So I told Brandon, "You know I've got this covered." And people may be thinking, "Well this isn't sports-related" and I've already mentioned Sports Illustrated, Jay Cutler and Chad Ochocinco, so my bases are covered.
On top of that, I was on the FilmDrunk Frotcast last week and those guys don't even know who Upton is, like they're so far above her. Jerks. And even more, Uproxx's favorite geeky white rapper and son of Tom Hanks, Chet Haze, Tweeted on Friday that he was looking for a hot, young female celebrity to holler at and I suggested Upton. And he totally went for it, so this whole thing is the most important news story you'll read all day.
It's Kate Upton. KATE. UPTON. Thank me later.
INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT LIVE ACTION UPDATE AFTER THE JUMP.
(Pics of Kate Upton, did I mention it's Kate Upton, via Daylife.)
Kate also did some other stuff recently and I'm including pictures from that because IT'S KATE UPTON.
*Faints*
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heeeeeee
“Thank me later.”
I will not thank you later. I will thank you right now. My favorite pictures are numbered 1 through 51. Awesome work, Burnsy.
The wedding gown pics make it look like she’s a few more beers away from becoming the next Anna Nicole Smith
She DOES look a little tubby in a couple of those pics. But if thats what it takes to maintain those beautiful tits then so be it.
Am I the only one to call if for what it is? She’s a chubbster, and in 5 years is going to be a fattie. If she was 19 and didn’t have the D cuppers, no one would care. Don’t get me wrong, she has a great face and tits, but she needs some P 90 X time.
@Matt, and to a lesser extent Eddie and hsk – The only reason she looks heavier is because she’s doing a thing usually done by girls the size of my arm. If Kate Upton stood next to any real woman she would be about 1/5th their size. Also, no amount of “here is what’s wrong with Kate Upton” is going to make her seem attainable, so give it up.
Some of you might consider her “chubby”, I look at it as more to love.
@ Brandon: Maybe, and I admit I like smaller girls. My gf is around 115 and has large D’s. Just my thing. But I still think in a few years she is gonna be Anna Nicole Smith part Duex. I really think if she was 25, she would be an afterthought. But being 19? Gets the media in a tittie pedo frenzy.
Meant my gf has large C’s, not D’s.
Are you sure, Matt? They feel more like Ds.
Well, I never! She is not attainable in any universe in which I currently reside. Fuck, Kanye couldn’t get her interested, man. Sure, I’m handsome and suave but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. So, in light of your vicious calumny I must insist on pistols at dawn.
Whatever, if she gets fat she’ll just give better blowjobs.
NOT FAT – HAS FLAB GENETICS HOWEVER
NEEDS REGULAR BARFING TO MAINTAIN FUCKABILITY
AGREE WITH BURNSY ON BJ’S. A COUPLE CHEESEBURGERS MAY NOT BE A BAD IDEA.
SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS. I’M NOT TYPING THAT SHIT OVER AGAIN.
Guaranteed that all three “chubby” commenters are overweight and/or fugly! Slide 36 shows the sublime Miss Upton next to a “normal” sized gal and she looks thin, so +1 to Brandon. Just as long as she don’t go dating Burnsy’s doppleganger C-Tates it’s all good!
fuck yeah +1 brandon
As I said earlier, no doubt she is hot. But I can promiseyou if she wasn’t 19 and a score for the pedo lovers, no one would know a thing about her. Just sayin’. She is a little chubbs. And when she is 25 she is going to be full out chubby unless she hits the treadmill.
FYI pic of my gf. Going on 2.5 year together now. I’m a white guy btw. [imageshack.us]
BTW that gal in slide 36 that Upton is standing next to is NOT normal sized, well…she isn’t normal sized if she wants to be considered hot. See the size of those calves? Uh no. The model all the way over on the other side of the pic? Now that is what I would call normal sized “hot”.
Look at her in pic 33. That is borderline fat. That is bad for a 19 year old. Again, do not mistake this for me thinking she is a dog. She is smokin’. But only because she is 19 and the “fat” hasn’t turned into cottage cheese yet.
Keep going, I think I’m starting to think she’s fat!
Good point Matt. I’ll stop looking at her pictures now, because she might get fat someday.
LEESAHN
j00 KNOW IT IS BEEG SURPRISE MATT FROM CA HAS ASIAN GIRLFREN
ugh. Guys like Matt are why I spent most of my teens-20s hiding my boobs and thinking I was fat because I wasn’t 110 pounds. *projects childhood esteem issues onto random internet commenter*
I’m built like Kate, and I’m still in shape at almost 37, so it’s not like she’s DESTINED to chubb out. She’ll just have to watch it (and start wearing much more supportive bras than what she’s sporting here). You can’t compare a body like hers with an Asian chic. It’s apples and oranges. (Or maybe I should’ve said cantaloupes)
How do we know that like LeBron James, Matt from CA isn’t dating an Asian Ladyboy?
Matt’s convinced me!
Matt forgot to mention his girlfriend has fake boobs. I’d take “chubby” Kate’s naturals over fake Asian boobs any day of the week.
Who would have thought some angles would be more unflattering than others? What an odd concept.
She still looks fantastic.
Holy crap, a model with a non-borderline health-hazard figure! Someone call the police!
You guys know that when Kate Upton gets older, she will BE older? I cannot look at this girl without seeing 50, 60, 70 years down the line; nothing but wrinkles and greying hair.
Not even going to dignify the ‘pedo’ comment for a girl that is 19, you know as in almost-20. As in adult.
[www.gq.com]
I hope I never have to see that disgustingly fat heifer on my monitor ever again.
Soon Matt from CA will realize he is in a real-life M. Butterfly when s/he is revealed to be an Asian Ladyboy. Lebron James will then take his talents to CA.
Something about a fully grown 19 year old with massive tits and “pedo frenzy” just doesn’t work. Unless, of course, Matt from CA has absolutely zero clue what he is talking about.
white:cottagecheese::asian:crabrangoon? How does this ‘predict the future body type based on lolnetpix’ thing work?
“FYI pic of my gf”
Transeksuwalismo
[cdn.wl.uproxx.com]
yeah that chick is fucking ginormous look out rosanne.
Is this girl a joke? Attainable or not, her midsection is disgustingly misshapen. I can’t believe people would find her to be attractive to the extent you guys do. Sure, she’d be decent in the real world… But on a runway sHe looks like a mess. And I know I wouldn’t look twice on the street, which I can’t say for a lot of these famous models. Fact is she really isn’t much.
Guys guys guys. haha I’m not getting why some of you are getting so bent out of shape over this girl. No one, including me, is saying she isn’t hot as F…..TODAY. But the fact is the ONLY reason she is as popular as she is, is because when she first started to attain media frenzy status, she was what..17? With D cups? And she looks kinda midwestern wholesome/slutty, so all the pedos love her. There are a million model girls her size that are 25 years of age or higher that no one could give a shite about. But the fact is, she does show signs of premature chubbulation. I mean look at those pics….her stomach and thighs are not what a hot 19 year olds should be. I would bang the F out of her no doubt (not that I would ever have the chance) but trust me, in a year or three, unless she gets P 90 X approved, she will be Anna Nicole Smith all over again. And that would be a shame my friends.
@Matt – I think what we’re trying to say is that guys who use the word “chubbulation” to describe a woman should stop describing women.
I love it when guys on the internet put down insanely hot women; just so you know they “score babes” all the time. You could add 20 Lbs. to that girl and I would still crawl on my hands and knees over broken glass to apply sunscreen to her fine ass body.
The fact that she doesn’t look completely like a pre-manufactured hottie is what makes her so breathtaking.
P.S. Matt; tell your GF to get back in the god damned kitchen…I’ll have a #5 with a side of fried shrimp; extra hot mustard.
As I read each of these comments TODAY, almost a month late, because I just flicked through the pics when they were posted, i have no stopped laughing. and fucking Randy Braden is a GOD among men for his p.s. to @Matt. i almost choked on an ice cube I was laughing so hard.
As for Upton, I fucking love that she has meat on her fucking bones and to add to Randy’s thoughts..
I WOULD DRAG MY DICK THROUGH A MILE OF BROKEN GLASS JUST TO FINGER FUCK HER SHADOW.
The End.
I’d eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from.
Matt ca u are absolutely right she is chubby coz she got big bones. And she doesn’t have long neck which I believe real beautiful women possess. Not the proportional body the wife-material one :)
Left leg is kinda twisted?? Ah uh not pretty at all. I just like how her tits juggle :)
She has a very pretty face. She is a cute girl but she is chubby for a 19 yr old. She needs to tone up her stomach. At 19 with no children your stomach should look the best of your life. And to all the dumbass ppl here who think you have to be fat/chuuby to have tits you are retarted. Big breasts are not strictly for the over weight or for the surgically enhanced. I am very skinny 110 with 30 E. I’m older than Kate and my boobs are way perkier than hers too. This girl is kinda messy looking like her stomach and legs are a mess and her tits are down to her stomach without a bra at 19. She should take better care of herself. Sorry to rain on your alls parade but if she doesn’t start taking care of herself she is gonna look like Paula Dean soon.
Yeah, for one thing she’s modeling an adult diaper in the first pictures, and her love handles are so big she probably weighs near triple digits.
2/10 WOULD NOT BANG
Obviously frankelee is a homosexual