The Great Foul Ball Debate: How Do You Declare The Real Villain?
07.22.11 at 12:31 pm
Brandon
Great work, Burnsy. I’m going to be internally furious at these people all day.
07.22.11 at 12:32 pm
TH
The real villain all these cases is Peter King for setting the shitty example to America that it’s okay to steal foul balls off young children.
07.22.11 at 12:40 pm
JOSH Z
Tremendous work, Burnsy.
07.22.11 at 12:48 pm
Larry Dolan Still Sucks
The Giants PR person that came out and gave that little shithead a baseball should die in a fire.
Way to reward some pouting little puke for his behavior. I’m sure he learned a valuable lesson there.
07.22.11 at 1:14 pm
AMR
The rules are easy when you get to a ballgame. If any foul balls could be hit your way, look around and identify the best-behaved kid near you. If no well-behaved kid is present, congrats! you get to keep any ball you can grab. Otherwise, that kid gets the ball.
I think it’s tricky if you’re there with your own kid. You’re thinking “get my kid a foul ball.” But others think “grown man stealing ball from kids.” Like that Yankee fan in TB. He prob thought that the Girl was gonna lose the ball back onto the field, best get it for his baby.
07.22.11 at 1:19 pm
Brandon
Also, helmet baby in the main header is the saddest thing.
07.22.11 at 1:27 pm
toidi
forrest gump as a baby…
07.22.11 at 1:40 pm
kjt77
Its pretty obvious “The Baseball Guy” in #5 is learning disabled and probably has the mind of a 5 year old. His father (?) seems to say this to the blonde and she is okay with it. Villians? Burnsy and announcers
07.22.11 at 1:48 pm
Burnsy
Sorry I’m not awesome at detecting “pretty obvious” and I can’t overhear what someone is saying through a YouTube clip.
07.22.11 at 2:34 pm
Dave
If you watch the clip for #4 (Francoeur) again the old woman isn’t even watching as the bat comes flying towards her. I would award the bat to the younger woman just as her prize for paying attention.
07.22.11 at 2:36 pm
Lothar of the Hill People
@AMR exactly right. This is the standard I and everyone I know adhere to whenever we’re at any game. I was at a AA baseball game years ago, at a nice cozy field in the middle of cornfields–felt like little leaguers could’ve been playing on it. Anyway, foul ball hit right at me; I caught it on one hop.
As soon as it’s in my hand–after the sting hit me and I said to my buddy, “Holy shit, why’d I do that?”–I have no clue why I did it, because what the fuck does a grown man need with a baseball from a minor league game? Hell, why’d I even stand up and reach in front of that fat fuck next to me who was stuffing his face with soft pretzels drowned in nacho “cheese” sauce?
My natural reaction was to look for the nearest kid. Found one, maybe 3-4 years old, handed the ball to him.
He looked at me like I was an alien who had presented him with one of my eggs. Then his dipshit older brother stole it from him and the little kid started to cry.
So it’s an ironic story, but nevertheless, any adult with a shred of common sense and an ounce of dignity hands the ball to a kid–especially if the kid was the one fighting with you for the ball. Sorta like how that guy at the beginning of “Last Crusade” gives Young Indy his fedora.
And if you spend any brainpower thinking about it, and you put yourself in the kid’s shoes, you realize that you have the power to make that kid’s entire life better. Years later, instead of puffing on his crack pipe, thinking about all the things that the world owes him, or cruelly yanked away from him–starting with that ball… that same crackhead is a former teacher, and able to score another rock with the $5 he got from selling his most prized, cherished boyhood possession.
But seriously. Kids get balls. Unless it’s an investment–some historic hit or something–an adult has no need for a baseball from a pro game.
And if the pouty kid was mine, he’d know damn well better than to do that shit–at least in public. The way that kid went into pout-mode, you know that kid’s parents treat him like a little prince–like the kid who has two copies of Bonestorm in the episode where Bart gets caught shoplifting.
That kid’s pouting makes me want to be cruel to puppies. Shit, his father should have said, “pouters aren’t winners,” just to nip that shit in the bud.
07.22.11 at 2:49 pm
Gipple Mulva
@kjt77 I’m confused. My number 5 is the Yankees/Rays clip. Which one are you talking about?
07.22.11 at 3:35 pm
Ragingape
Great work Burnsy. Who is the worst person in all of these clips?
Jeff Francoeur, obviously. But that woman stealing the ball from the young girl is a close second.
07.22.11 at 3:47 pm
Thatsamare
Kids who pout or cry until they get what they want is exactly why America is about to become New China.
07.22.11 at 4:40 pm
macgy
Regarding the first clip.
First off, the older kid blocks the younger from catching it in the first place, then comes back and blocks him from getting it a second time. The usher see’s what an a-hole this kid is, and makes him give it to the older. For this, he’s a hero?
07.22.11 at 4:41 pm
macgy
*makes him give it to the younger.
07.22.11 at 4:52 pm
Burnsy
@Gipple Mulva I pulled a clip of a man who is probably disabled and took a ball from an attractive blonde woman.
07.22.11 at 5:14 pm
essequemodeia
With retards it’s a different situation. If the ‘tard is old enough to buy alcohol, he’s disqualified from contention. And if he’s so retarded he isn’t really aware of what’s happening, he’s right out (because this is a big deal to a person who can appreciate it). So old retards are disqualified first, then retards that can’t comprehend what’s going on. With retards you count down from 20 and the oldest one gets it. No retards? You count up from 2 to the first well behaved child.
If your retard is in a wheelchair, or if a wheelchair is somehow involved, the ball goes to the person in the chair. You can’t really mess around with them. I don’t believe in a god but if I did my god would really fuck up people who neglected the chaired.
07.22.11 at 5:36 pm
David
Call me an ass, but I’m not buying into this idea that you HAVE to give the nearest little kid a ball. If I’m at a game and I catch it clean, I’m keeping that thing. Some people have to wait years for a chance to grab a fly ball. It’s never happened for me to this day.
Sorry, little kids sitting near me, but you guys can do your time at the ball park and get one someday yourselves.
07.22.11 at 8:22 pm
Smegga
I don’t know. I have no clue why everyone in America is obsessed with baseballs, especially foul balls.
Do people use them again, for catch? Or do they put them in glass boxes?
The woman who actually yanked the ball out of the girl’s hands and then high fived her friends can die.
07.22.11 at 8:40 pm
parris island vacations
I always pick out my little kid before the game starts. That way I’m poised to be a perfect gentleman at all times*.
Remember to ask yourself; “what do I do if the ball is hit to me” before every play. Even if you’re in the stands intoxicated.
*That way after the game when I beat up a homeless guy for sport and date rape the unfortunate young woman who came with me I feel good about myself.
07.23.11 at 12:27 pm
Keith
Y’knowwhat? I’m tired of this kid in #1 being treated as a hero. The kid swiped in front of the crying little bitch in the first place, and he gets a signed bat because he returned the ball after being reprimanded by an usher (and let’s be honest, he only returned the ball because the usher said something, not because he was “raised to do the right thing”)? Let’s quit rewarding kids for acting like a douchebag and then belatedly doing what they should have done in the first fucking place.
07.25.11 at 8:00 am
Upstate Underdog
I caught a batting practice home run ball years ago. It still sits at my parents house. It was cool for a about a day. Trust me, catching a meaningless ball at a baseball is no big deal.
07.29.11 at 6:41 pm
Punchy McWantstofight
This only further solidifies my conviction that the more people I meet the more I miss my dog.
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Great work, Burnsy. I’m going to be internally furious at these people all day.
The real villain all these cases is Peter King for setting the shitty example to America that it’s okay to steal foul balls off young children.
Tremendous work, Burnsy.
The Giants PR person that came out and gave that little shithead a baseball should die in a fire.
Way to reward some pouting little puke for his behavior. I’m sure he learned a valuable lesson there.
The rules are easy when you get to a ballgame. If any foul balls could be hit your way, look around and identify the best-behaved kid near you. If no well-behaved kid is present, congrats! you get to keep any ball you can grab. Otherwise, that kid gets the ball.
I think it’s tricky if you’re there with your own kid. You’re thinking “get my kid a foul ball.” But others think “grown man stealing ball from kids.” Like that Yankee fan in TB. He prob thought that the Girl was gonna lose the ball back onto the field, best get it for his baby.
Also, helmet baby in the main header is the saddest thing.
forrest gump as a baby…
Its pretty obvious “The Baseball Guy” in #5 is learning disabled and probably has the mind of a 5 year old. His father (?) seems to say this to the blonde and she is okay with it. Villians? Burnsy and announcers
Sorry I’m not awesome at detecting “pretty obvious” and I can’t overhear what someone is saying through a YouTube clip.
If you watch the clip for #4 (Francoeur) again the old woman isn’t even watching as the bat comes flying towards her. I would award the bat to the younger woman just as her prize for paying attention.
@AMR exactly right. This is the standard I and everyone I know adhere to whenever we’re at any game. I was at a AA baseball game years ago, at a nice cozy field in the middle of cornfields–felt like little leaguers could’ve been playing on it. Anyway, foul ball hit right at me; I caught it on one hop.
As soon as it’s in my hand–after the sting hit me and I said to my buddy, “Holy shit, why’d I do that?”–I have no clue why I did it, because what the fuck does a grown man need with a baseball from a minor league game? Hell, why’d I even stand up and reach in front of that fat fuck next to me who was stuffing his face with soft pretzels drowned in nacho “cheese” sauce?
My natural reaction was to look for the nearest kid. Found one, maybe 3-4 years old, handed the ball to him.
He looked at me like I was an alien who had presented him with one of my eggs. Then his dipshit older brother stole it from him and the little kid started to cry.
So it’s an ironic story, but nevertheless, any adult with a shred of common sense and an ounce of dignity hands the ball to a kid–especially if the kid was the one fighting with you for the ball. Sorta like how that guy at the beginning of “Last Crusade” gives Young Indy his fedora.
And if you spend any brainpower thinking about it, and you put yourself in the kid’s shoes, you realize that you have the power to make that kid’s entire life better. Years later, instead of puffing on his crack pipe, thinking about all the things that the world owes him, or cruelly yanked away from him–starting with that ball… that same crackhead is a former teacher, and able to score another rock with the $5 he got from selling his most prized, cherished boyhood possession.
But seriously. Kids get balls. Unless it’s an investment–some historic hit or something–an adult has no need for a baseball from a pro game.
And if the pouty kid was mine, he’d know damn well better than to do that shit–at least in public. The way that kid went into pout-mode, you know that kid’s parents treat him like a little prince–like the kid who has two copies of Bonestorm in the episode where Bart gets caught shoplifting.
That kid’s pouting makes me want to be cruel to puppies. Shit, his father should have said, “pouters aren’t winners,” just to nip that shit in the bud.
@kjt77 I’m confused. My number 5 is the Yankees/Rays clip. Which one are you talking about?
Great work Burnsy. Who is the worst person in all of these clips?
Jeff Francoeur, obviously. But that woman stealing the ball from the young girl is a close second.
Kids who pout or cry until they get what they want is exactly why America is about to become New China.
Regarding the first clip.
First off, the older kid blocks the younger from catching it in the first place, then comes back and blocks him from getting it a second time. The usher see’s what an a-hole this kid is, and makes him give it to the older. For this, he’s a hero?
*makes him give it to the younger.
@Gipple Mulva I pulled a clip of a man who is probably disabled and took a ball from an attractive blonde woman.
With retards it’s a different situation. If the ‘tard is old enough to buy alcohol, he’s disqualified from contention. And if he’s so retarded he isn’t really aware of what’s happening, he’s right out (because this is a big deal to a person who can appreciate it). So old retards are disqualified first, then retards that can’t comprehend what’s going on. With retards you count down from 20 and the oldest one gets it. No retards? You count up from 2 to the first well behaved child.
If your retard is in a wheelchair, or if a wheelchair is somehow involved, the ball goes to the person in the chair. You can’t really mess around with them. I don’t believe in a god but if I did my god would really fuck up people who neglected the chaired.
Call me an ass, but I’m not buying into this idea that you HAVE to give the nearest little kid a ball. If I’m at a game and I catch it clean, I’m keeping that thing. Some people have to wait years for a chance to grab a fly ball. It’s never happened for me to this day.
Sorry, little kids sitting near me, but you guys can do your time at the ball park and get one someday yourselves.
I don’t know. I have no clue why everyone in America is obsessed with baseballs, especially foul balls.
Do people use them again, for catch? Or do they put them in glass boxes?
The woman who actually yanked the ball out of the girl’s hands and then high fived her friends can die.
I always pick out my little kid before the game starts. That way I’m poised to be a perfect gentleman at all times*.
Remember to ask yourself; “what do I do if the ball is hit to me” before every play. Even if you’re in the stands intoxicated.
*That way after the game when I beat up a homeless guy for sport and date rape the unfortunate young woman who came with me I feel good about myself.
Y’knowwhat? I’m tired of this kid in #1 being treated as a hero. The kid swiped in front of the crying little bitch in the first place, and he gets a signed bat because he returned the ball after being reprimanded by an usher (and let’s be honest, he only returned the ball because the usher said something, not because he was “raised to do the right thing”)? Let’s quit rewarding kids for acting like a douchebag and then belatedly doing what they should have done in the first fucking place.
I caught a batting practice home run ball years ago. It still sits at my parents house. It was cool for a about a day. Trust me, catching a meaningless ball at a baseball is no big deal.
This only further solidifies my conviction that the more people I meet the more I miss my dog.