Last month, I introduced you to Celebrity Guest Dugout Week, a week full of Dugouts written by the biggest and brightest names in sports journalism. Well, there ended up only being one, by Bill Simmons of Grantland.com.

I was disappointed in the turnout (Peter Gammons didn’t return my calls, the guy who runs Bleacher Report just snail mailed me a box of crayon drawings and Spiffy Sean Styles of Lethal Entertainment is horrible), so I called Simmons up and asked him to find me another guest writer. After a four hour phone conversation wherein he compared his wife and kids to Kevin McHale, we found our next author — American poet and novelist Charles Bukowski. His unique brand of transgressive fiction and dirty realism is perfect for my webcomic about baseball players cursing, and here we are.

Today’s Dugout follows. People are finally going to start taking us seriously.

[editors note: Today's Dugout is actually guest written by a good friend of mine, Mr. William Hanstock of Progressive Boink and Baseball Feelings fame. Be sure to follow him on Twitter, or at least let him know what you think.]

[secondary editor's note: Today's Dugout about how nobody talks about the Angels was written before the Angels decided to pitch a g.d. no hitter.]

The Dugout

	SportsGuy33:Hello, Grantlandians!1 I’m more excited than Teen Wolf’s best friend Styles when he found out that Teen Wolf wasn’t a homo! I’m more nervous than Johnny in the Karate Kid when he was asked to sweep the leg!	1. I’ve been toying around with a cool, inclusionary nickname for all our faithful readers. Something that would look real neat on the back of a satin jacket. Keep an eye peeled for the Grantland ShopZone, opening soon.
	SportsGuy33: As you all know, we here at Grantland are dedicated to presenting the finest in contemporary literature. That’s why we staff the finest and most lauded authors of our generation, like the guy who investigates pop statistics, or the guy who likes ladies and music!
	SportsGuy33: So today, we’re pleased as Michael Keaton punching Martin Mull at the end of “Mr. Mom” to bring you one of the greatest authors of ANY generation! He’s one of my greatest inpirations as a writer2, and I couldn’t be prouder to present to you, Grantland’s newest guest author, the incomparable Charles Bukowski!	2. I feel like his influence in my work can be felt most strongly in my articles “The Top 10 Wrestling Entrances of All Time” and “How Hockey is Not as Cool as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”
	**Online Host** RhymesWithPuke has entered the chatroom.
	RhymesWithPuke: Me and Carol went to see the Angels play back in the old days when they used to play at Wrigley Field. we came all the way out from San Pedro. And we were drinking that stuff, boy. that good old stuff and stepping around the puke and the hot dog wrappers. I thought, if Carol wasn’t here I’d be down at Santa Anita placing bets. relying on good, strong intuition. I felt more sure the superfecta in a late race than I did about the Angels being able to swing a summer day game. too much left to chance.
	**Online Host** The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have entered the chatroom.
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: Is…is someone writing about the Angels?
	DiscreetCharmoftheBourjos: Oh, wow! And on a big-time national website thing, too!
	GreasersAndScoscia: We haven’t seen pub like this since we choked all those times in the playoffs!
	BobbyFish: Holy moly! Is this really happening, Mister Coach Scoscia?
	GreasersAndScoscia: Shhhh, pay attention, kid. This is one of America’s greatest voices…and he’s talking about us!
	BobbyFish: Golly!
	RhymesWithPuke: I took in a spring training game years later with those same rotten Angels playing up at Chavez Ravine. a blistering afternoon spent in the company of a pair of cold beers
	DiscreetCharmoftheBourjos: What prose!
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: Nothing like fine, literary musings on ours, the most beautiful of sports.
	BobbyFish: /awestruck
	RhymesWithPuke: I was only able to catch the first inning before the sickness overwhelmed me. my guts clenched up tight and I ran to the bathroom. “God o mighty!” I shoved slow-moving businessmen out of my way. I dropped to my knees in the first empty stall and unloaded my guts. “Jesus, what a mess!” I wiped my brow and had maybe thirty seconds of peace before my guts clenched back up in a different but familiar way and the whiskey sh*ts set in.
	GreasersAndScoscia: Uh…
	DiscreetCharmoftheBourjos: Well, that was…hm.
	BobbyFish: Wow! Real poetry! What’s a “whiskey sh*ts” Mister Wells?
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: That’s a bad word, Michael, and I don’t want to hear you using it around the clubhouse.
	BobbyFish: /claps hands to mouth
	RhymesWithPuke: watching baseball on the tube while some old lady jaws in my ear. “You’re good for nothing! I can’t even use what you’ve got after you’ve had a few drinks in you!” Listen, baby. I’m not trying to hear about that all I care about is the score of the game. trying to figure out if the Angels beat the Yanks. But here she comes again, yelling and hollering. so I shove her out of bed and she lands on the floor on her fat ass. and just my luck, it gets her all riled up. and here she comes again for this big thing I’ve got so I give it to her just so she’ll shut up and leave me alone
	GreasersAndScoscia: /gasps /covers BobbyFish’s ears
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: Can’t believe you, skip. Exposing the boy to all this smut.
	GreasersAndScoscia: Hey, I…I didn’t…
	LoveHerandWeaver: LOL this dude’s f**ken crazy. Reminds me of my great-uncle from San Bernardino. Give us some more of that poetry sh*t bro. /lights cigarette /revs El Camino
	RhymesWithPuke: baseball and women have a lot in common.
	LoveHerandWeaver: haha yeah okay I’m listening
	RhymesWithPuke: you enjoy yourself more with each drink. but the only thing they care about is whether your d*ck can get hard.
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: Terrible.
	DiscreetCharmoftheBourjos: how is that even an analogy
	LoveHerandWeaver: WOOOOOOOO this guy knows what I’m talking about /hoists bottle of Corona
	BobbyFish: /bursts into tears
	DiscreetCharmoftheBourjos: Maybe…maybe we should go, skip.
	BobbyFish: He used the bad word for tallywhacker! /sniffles
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: I’m ashamed of you, coach. You oughta know better
	GreasersAndScoscia: B-b-b-but I…
	WhatchuTalkinBoutWells: /shakes head
	**Online Host** The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have left the chatroom.
	RhymesWithPuke: I put my head down next to the typer. my guts are rotten with booze. I close my eyes and think about the green grass of a baseball field, endless afternoons of my childhood. when the sound of the bat on the ball was heaven on earth.
	RhymesWithPuke: I wake up at ten o’clock and take a satisfying beer sh*t. Jane will be here soon and she’ll want me to give it to her.
	LoveHerandWeaver: haha man chuck klosterman has gotten a lot better

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