Best: Vulnerable Mr. McMahon

I’ve read a lot of negative feedback for the McMahon and Cena segment that ended the show, especially since the spoilers were out like last Tuesday and we’ve had a week to worry about it. A lot of people complained that it didn’t make sense (which it doesn’t, if you think really hard about it) or that Cena and McMahon’s hammy delivery of “worked shoot” dialogue ruined all the cool stuff Punk had accomplished the week before.

I actually enjoyed it, partially because of the hammy delivery (as I mentioned before with Cena, his “super serious” real talk voice makes me laugh in a compelling sort of way) but mostly because the best version of Mr. McMahon is the one who thinks he might be wrong. Vince pulls this off better than anybody, and is one of the understated reasons why Austin vs. McMahon worked so well. People say “BOSS VS. REDNECK HELLRAISER” and yeah, that was the story, but there was another story where Vince had always gotten everybody to do what he said, and some new guy was f**king it all up, and it was making him SO MUCH MONEY and making things SO POPULAR that he was torn between enforcing his commands and just letting Austin do whatever he wanted. That was interesting. A guy who KNOWS he’s right, but maybe he’s not, and it scares him.

Vince saying Punk was suspended because “well obviously” and “he’s a punk” devolving into “I don’t want to be embarrassed by you” is a pretty complex thing to feel for a wrestling character. Cena’s obviously shocked because everybody knows he NEVER GIVES UP, but he’s got a history of failing in the clutch lately (Nexus being a big one). Punk’s sermon on the mount threw the two most powerful people in WWE (Vince and Cena) into a spiral of doubt, and all he’s got to do is walk into Chicago dripping with revolution and take the championship.

Worst: Does Anybody Remember the Last Time Cena Was Fired

But yeah, the “if CM Punk LEAVES CHICAGO with the WWE Championship you’re fired” stipulation telegraphs the show way too much, especially a Money in the Bank show with Rey Mysterio as one of the guys competing for an anytime contract. Cena loses, Punk has done the impossible, Rey cashes in and sends him packing unceremoniously like so much JBL. That’s the easy booking. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed that they renewed CM Punk’s copyrights for a reason, the revolution is going to be televised, and Cena will get to sit at home and make WWE films and be ready when Rocky comes a’callin’ next Spring.

The last time Cena was fired he didn’t miss a single Raw, and just kept showing up until he badgered them into giving him his job back. That’s not exactly a Summer of Punk sort of thing.

Worst: A Quick Word on the CM Punk “Homo” Thing

Punk calling people gay as an insult is a disappointing thing, but the people who seem most upset are Punk’s fans, and I urge those people to remember that their hero is the guy who once yelled WHORES at a couple of strippers and made everybody laugh. We don’t like him because he’s a good, kind person, we like him because he’s a self-righteous piece of sh**, so don’t be happy about it, but don’t get too upset. Hero worship is the worst, and this is coming from the guy who took four different pictures with the Phillie Phanatic.

Also, if you’re saddened and shocked by a WWE wrestler calling wrestling fans “homos”, do not ever attend a locally-promoted pro wrestling show. Because holy sh**.

edited, added disclaimer: I might not have phrased it well enough, but I don’t support anybody calling anybody else a homo and am glad Punk has already apologized for it. I’m just saying if we’re upset at him over this, we should probably be upset about him a lot.

Best: CM Punk Defending the WWE Championship in CHIKARA

I don’t remember if I read it on DVDR or Something Awful, but the best fantasy booking I’ve heard is that Punk wins the title and spends a couple of months defending it in various independent promotions. He goes into the ECW Arena and has like a 45 minute match with Fire Ant and wins it, and just as he’s about to leave music hits, and IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME

That would be the best thing in human history.