Best: Dolph Ziggler
You don’t need me to tell you this, but Dolph Ziggler is the important, destructive Anti-Monitor to John Morrison’s heroic, crappy-looking big-headed Monitor. Ziggler is doing what pro wrestlers should do — he’s making everything he does seem important. When he wins the United States Championship, he treats it like an honor, not just as a thing he wears when he comes out to pin Carlito. When he gets a t-shirt and a song that says “I am perfection” over and over, he adopts that as his gimmick, and instead of just saying “I am perfection” a bunch of times like a lesser wrestler would do, he says WHY he’s perfection. Do you see that subtle difference? A guy in an “I am perfection” shirt sucks if he smirks and says “I am perfection”, but he’s awesome if he holds up the title and screams THIS. STAYS. WITH. ME. after he’s kicked somebody’s ass.
That’s the trap Alex Riley fell into. He started getting a following when he showed up and beat the sh** out of The Miz, but when he had to talk and couldn’t really deliver an ass-whomping outside of tackling and punching, people lost interest. Ziggler can’t fall into that, because he can do everything. Except properly bump on a trampoline, but that’s water under the bridge.
Worst: Dolph Ziggler Only Has Four Opponents
You guys know me well enough by now, don’t you? When Ziggler’s music hit I started saying “please be in a suit, please be in a suit” because I didn’t want it to be a match. When he stepped out in his gear it changed to “be Evan Bourne, don’t be Kofi Kingston. Be Evan Bourne, don’t be Kofi Kingston”. This presents two huge problems:
1) If Kofi Kingston wrestles Dolph Ziggler again, so help me God I will kill myself.
2) Dolph Ziggler only has four possible opponents: Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, John Cena, Rey Mysterio.
Now, if Ziggler faces Cena or Mysterio, he loses. Always. So with his recent U.S. Championship victory and winning streak going you can’t put him in there against someone who’ll beat him, especially not Cena, and Mysterio is already involved in the WWE Championship tournament. So that adds a modifier to problem 2:
2b) Dolph Ziggler only has two probably opponents: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne
My brain only let me deal with those two guys, and sure enough we got Bourne. The match was fine, but this is one of those situations where we need to observe that the problem isn’t the brand separation, the problem is that they cast brands based on roles they need filled. Bourne is “guy who can wrestle Dolph Ziggler but not beat him”. Kofi is “guy who can wrestle Dolph Ziggler and sometimes beat him”. Also, “guy who f**king constantly wrestles Dolph Ziggler”. Why not let Ziggler beat Ryder? Or Kozlov? Or think outside the box, put him in there with Michael McGillicutty or one of your NXT rookies. Let him Zig Zag Silent Rage, whose rage was so silent this week we couldn’t even find him. In real sports they don’t just pair up the teams that hate each other and make them play 400 times. Sometimes the Cubs play the Diamondbacks and it doesn’t matter, but it still gives one of them a win. It gives the Diamondbacks a win. You know what I’m saying.
Worst (But Secretly Best, Shh): Derrick Bateman On Raw
There were two great things that happened during the backstage celebration for Rey Mysterio’s title win: The first is a cameo by NXT rookie Derrick Bateman, who earns a “worst” here for two reasons:
1) I like wrestlers who aren’t given a “push” on television, but as soon as they show up I declare them “stale” and “misused” and stop cheering for them.
2) He got covered in alcohol, but at no point flipped out and turned over a table.
Although I guess that only happens when he’s wearing sweet USA zubaz pants. Here’s the first of many Worsts for Derrick Bateman on Raw.
Best: Chris Masters TRYING To Be On Raw
The second great thing was Chris Masters being involved in the handshake line for Mysterio, then wandering around to the back to peek his head in and desperately try to stay on camera during the interview. Watch him back there, he’s amazing. I just wanted him to break out a Joe Swanson YEAH REY MYSTERIO AWRIGHT in the middle of Josh’s question. Also, how hilariously left over were the people back there to wish Mysterio well? I watch this all the time and even I didn’t recognize a couple of them. I expected Braden Walker and “Savannah” to come around the corner. If Tyler Recks gets to be back there, but they don’t have a spot for Ryan Braddock? Where’s Eric Escobar? That guy in the vest, was that Eric Escobar?
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I would read twenty pages of this every week. Great as always.
Cult of Personality is a great song, but would love to see CM Punk come out to something by Minor Threat since he calls himself straight edge. Maybe “In My Eyes”, “Straight Edge”, or their cover of “Steppin’ Stone” might be appropriate.
your rundowns are awesome. Keep up the good work.
*low whistle on the breakdown of the story psychology*
Nicely done, sir. To add on a little bit:
The cult leader will tell you exactly what you want to hear. The cult leader will see what you’re screaming about, whether out loud or internally, and seize upon it for his own purposes. The cult leader loves that you’re marching to his drumbeat while spouting “your” slogans.
One of the undertones of the Punk/Cena MITB match that I didn’t see mentioned was how much of a douchebag Punk was being. I mean, yeah, hometown crowd, yada yada yada, but he was basically preying on IWC-nerd feelings of entitlement and just being a smarmy ass. And he has them all cheering for them. It’s brilliant.
/in before “stfu about wrestling, write about NFL player arrests”
john cena gay
(I was cheering, too. Didn’t mean to sound all superior. But yeah, Punk = charismatic asshole. This will end well.)
they should have redesigned the title. but holding up the real one next to cenas tough enough belt was boss. and punk non verbally communicated to everyone “john cena gay”. being a twin, i thought keith stone commercial was funny, and i thought the diva tag was a final destination commercial.
Triple H is a totally outrageous paradigm, but should be more proactive
Fantastic article, and the last page there needs to be posted on every internet message board. Glad you loved the Rey/Cena match like I did. The part about HHH not showing ass like Vince did hit me like a punch in the gut, even though I already knew it. Just, ugh. :(
Punk being straight edge is an aspect of his character, but him coming out to Minor Threat is just… I don’t know. I don’t see the point. Not every one of his actions is motivated by him not drinking alcohol, it’s not his defining characteristic. He’s not C.M. “the Straight Edge” Punk. It’s a trait that contributes to his hard-headedness and his self assuredness, and then everything B said about his egomania.
And in conclusion: anyone who disses “Cult of Personality” for any reason can hum both my nuts.
/john cena gay
Brilliant analysis on the last page.
I do have one question … Are we supposed to pretend that the anonymous RAW general manager never existed now?
I also want to add that the whole thing with Punk being the cult of personality is so great, and I basically kinda saw that in the couple weeks there where I was trying to analyze what exactly C.M. Punk wants the fans to think. Now I’m basically just playing my role and yelling YEAH C.M. PUNK because it’s fun. I also tweeted him lyrics to “Liar” by Henry Rollins Band, but he didn’t respond. I thought he’d like me. :(
I almost fell into the “Punk back too soon!” trap myself, but I didn’t in the end because Punk is amazing and the more he’s on my TV the better, and also because now I have a reason to watch SummerSlam, but even if I had, that last page is absolutely brilliant and would have convinced me of the error of my ways. That is so right, and in all of this I did legitimately expect that Punk’s the bad guy, so…yeah, Cult of Personality. Great explanation, and a really good article.
Also, as much as I like Cena, I could watch Punk get a far bigger cheer for holding his belt in the air all day.
Oh and the other funny thing that Kid Rock contributed was messing up getting a kiss from Maryse.
Oh and that is THE PARTY STARTER CURT HAWKINS. I honestly don’t remember who Eric Escobar is.
Personally, I would have liked to have Cena-Rey match next week and have Punk show up then. I understand Summer Slam is in a few weeks so they have to set everything up. But I think you could have drawn it out a little. But overall it’s been a great run, up until Cena beats Punk at SS and all this ends. And why do you have to wait until 4 to post this thing? Some of us have a day off of work and want to read about something we just watched.
@CJ – I don’t wait until 4, I have to update a sports blog hourly as my job and also write 10 pages of verbose wrestling analysis, I can’t crank that thing out in 20 minutes.
In retrospect, if they would have redesigned the championship belt, it would probably lose the black and be blindingly white, because that’s A Thing nowadays, right?
Welp, you taught me to form an opinion without watching a show and before reading B&W.
Spot on about Rey also.
So Brandon but for about the first time since you’ve started doing Best/Worst on with leather I’ve gotta disagree. There’s no way this was the best way for them to bring Punk back. There’s just to many plot holes (yeah yeah, I know. plotholes in wrestling storylines, boo hoo.)for me to buy it. Having said this, obviously more Punk on my TV (well, computer screen) is always a good thing.
@Val Venis’ Towel – I’d be interested if you’d like to expand on the plot holes and the reasons you think they brought him back too soon, especially if they tie in to the stuff I wrote. I think the only plot holes that exist are the ones you create when you believe everything Punk’s saying.
I’m only going comment once to say.. The Best and Worst of Raw is FREAKING AWESOME. Keep up the good work.
A deep philosophical question:
How long am I supposed to ignore the above-the-vag tatto that one of the Bella twins is sporting? Because I’m guessing if I can see it on TV the Bella opponent(s) can see it peaking out of her outfit, thus destroying the whole “guess which Bella I am?” strategy that has become so successful.
Really like the way you’ll throw in references to non-WWE wrestlers with abandon (Kana YESSSSSSSS), but then every once in a while stop to give us the full skinny (Jushin Liger YEP!).
Also I highly suspect that while something along the line of your last page may have gone through the subconscious mind of WWE Creative, I really really doubt anybody sat down and discussed it very much in those terms. But then again, what do I know?
Escobar is the guy who was Vickie’s new boy toy for about 5 minutes. He’s been back in Puerto Rico since last year.
I’m so glad this Punk angle is happening at a time when I can get legit excited about good stuff that happens on RAW. I mean, I’m not gonna pretend I wasn’t a smarky-ass smark for the better part of the last decade. Had they done this in 2007 I’d probably be half-enjoying it and half expecting them to fuck it up, pouncing on every little detail hint of them blowing it. Now I’m just ecstatic that the guy I’ve watched since he called 30 IWA fans mean names on an invisible microphone gets to hold his championship belt in John Cena’s face and be exactly as awesome as he knows he is.
THE ORIGINAL DOG FROM HELL.
The Cerberus Assassin.
Quite frankly, this is WHY the internet exists. Probably.
People on message boards have too much time on their hands. This is the most entertained I’ve been from wrestling since I was a kid. I dunno if you could have picked a better time to do a column like this.
1. This column is awesome. I have only recently gotten back into wrestling full time (thanks Punk) and the coverage here is by far the best I’ve found.
2. I know you don’t write about SmackDown, but it would be nice if they gave Ziggler a run like they are giving Jinder Mahal. It’s fun to watch someone beat the s out of someone each week and then talk about how awesome they are. Ziggler could make that look good.
3. In the alternative, Ziggler beats the crap out of Morrison for a couple of months.
4. Question – doesn’t Morrison seem like the lost Von Erich that survived the 80’s and got transported to the future? Kevin’s style cursed with Kerry’s brain.
5. Punk analysis = great. It was well timed and it is pointless to lose the heat (and the build-up for SS) by waiting longer to bring back Punk. They don’t have many more tricks to keep us entertained while Punk is away, so he had to come back or we would get bored. The people who are “meh” for Punk coming back would be “meh” with the show if they waited. No way to win that for WWE.
the ending bit was neat but i dont like to think that much about my wrestling
I was at last nights show. Being at a live event is like having sex, even when its bad its still pretty good. That said, last nights show was pretty good. The wrestling was, anyway. HHH trying to outcrazy R Truth was just a silly waste of time, as was John Morrison, as was Keith Stone. I heard alot of groaning when that came on, myself included.
Also I was hoping Mysterio would’ve made Cena tap last night, that would have been so awesome. But yeah, the real payoff was hearing Cult of Personality, feeling a hushed excitement move over the crowd, then seeing and hearing everyone lose their shit when the man stepped out. It’s one of those rare times when you are fortunate enough to be there, because watching it on tv didnt do it justice.
PS… not since Hulk Hogan have I actually bought into a wrestler in such a big way. Also, another great article. I enjoy reading about wrestling from guys who actually like wrestling.
“It makes perfect sense, and Punk’s not a superhero. He’s not an anti-hero. He’s a cult leader, and instead of Colt Cabana and Daffney, instead of Luke Gallows and Serena, instead of McGillicutty and Otunga, the cult is us. The cult of CM Punk’s personality.”
I kind of can’t believe the WWE wrote something that works on this level. Maybe that’s why people started stomping their feet and saying “NO THIS IS SHIT!” It’s not bad, it’s just really good storytelling we’re not used to.
did not have the chance to watch last night, but your punk psychology piece was…DEEP….and it makes sense. watching the embedded clip, his return couldn’t have been more messianic (arms outstretched on top of the stage & all the way down the ramp), gently coaxing (but not yelling at) everyone into joining him, only to inevitably pull the rug out from under us all at some point down the road. I’LL BE THERE IN A SEC, BUDDY. JUST NEED TO PICK UP A PAIR OF PLAIN WHITE NIKES AND A PURPLE TUNIC. SAVE ME A GLASS OF KOOL AID!!!!
Im bummed out that it seems that Truth’s push is over… ADR looked great too.
NEVER STOP WRITING THESE!
Start doing Best and Worst of Smackdown too, please. And IMPACT if you can stomach it. Hell start doing Best and Worst of the Art of Wrestling podcast, I’d read the shit out of that.
Well done synopsis of the Punk phenomenon.
/johncenagay
Supplementary best to Cena’s reaction to the music. “That’s not Alberto? That’s not Alberto!” It beautifully puts over the Del Rio situation as this constant threat without needing to bring him out and have him laugh and say “ha-HA I am a constant threat, yes?” John Cena, not always gay.
And while we’re at it, holy shit is that new Punk branding fantastic. The shirt was great, but the full package of the song and the iconography and the Titantron? It just might be the coolest-LOOKING thing I’ve seen them put out.
Christian’s just crying in a corner hugging his god-awful “Hit the Switch” shirt.
+1
Is it just me or was the Divas match overly butt-centric? Like, 90% Stink Faces and Booty Shake Moonsaults (ugh). On paper that seems kinda awesome but in practice just made me uncomfortable.
Also, please please please don’t let it become a thing with Cole coming out Gillberg-ing different wrestlers for HHH’s amusement.
Thanks again for the great write-up B. You’ve yet to disappoint.
@Mox – No, you’re right, my girlfriend described it as the “Battle of the Asses” as we were watching it.
@Andrew – Fun fact, this Thursday I’m going to see Impact Wrestling live in Austin.
@Brandon I know I was just being a jerk. These are always a great part of my tues afternoons. I appreciate the hard work that goes into making them.
I totally agree with your stance on Eve. She sucks and I would love more Maryse. But for the first and maybe only time. Not to sound the Jerry Lawler but I wished I was Eve when Mayrse did the stink face on her. The Stink Face btw, worse move ever.
Brandon, Love these articles, keep em coming. Dino Damage made me spit out my food in laughter.
I got introduced to this column a few weeks ago and I have to say it is the funniest wrestling column on the web. Keep it up, although it might get me into trouble at work…
What amuses me is that the guy running the general sports blog is catching on to what both the IWC and the Wrestling Writing Community is missing by a wide mile. (I’m looking at you, PW Torch)
Punk has played all of wrestling fandom and left all of us either marking out, or looking like dumb marks.
It was never his contract, it was always about listening t every word that comes out of his mouth.
I fucking love it!
Awesome as always, B. I’ve got a million things to say about last night, and this is the only place where people don’t take things too seriously or act like shitheads about it, so…
-I’m 100% with you on bringing Punk back now. It’s not like there was a question if he was coming back. And if we know that and he doesn’t come back now there’s a match we don’t want to see for a belt that doesn’t mean anything at Summerslam. The great thing of the last two weeks is that while they really didn’t say much about him, the specter of Punk hung over absolutely everything. So have him come back after two weeks rather than two months of whatever that immediately become meaningless the second he comes back. Now, the phoniness of what just happened with the new belt is the story. And that’s before you even consider that Punk didn’t even talk last night. Next week he’ll talk, it’ll be awesome, and everyone will be falling over themselves again.
- I’m giving HHH this one week to get his JR/Morrison/I’m-the-new-boss thing out of his system. After this I expect him to do exactly what he never ever has ever ever and make some of these guys look good at his expense.
- JR – Fuck yes. At the beginning of the Rey-Cena match he was talking about how Rey “absolutely must figure out a way to destroy the vertical base of John Cena.” And it was fucking tremendous and long overdue.
- The effort – I feel like everyone in the company is sensing the momentum of the last few weeks, because the matches have gotten noticeably better recently. Guys are really raising their game, including Rey, like you said, who’s had four really good matches in the last two weeks.
- I don’t even know if they’re doing it on purpose, but I’m liking the way the integration of the internet stuff into the show is working. If you followed Punk on Twitter, you saw him tweeting well into the show, which made the entrance even more of a surprise. If not, it was still great. Same with the Comic Con and AAW clips with Punk, and Ryder popping up last night. They add to the experience without detracting if you miss them, and I hope they figure out a way to keep doing it.
Great column, as always. I am a lifelong wrestling fan born in 82, and had stopped watching every week for the last few years. I still watched Wrestlemania every year, and would read up on the happenings once and a while, but never thought I would be back full time. Punk might be the main reason I’m back, but I think these write ups helped me remember how much I love wrestling, even the bad parts. Thank you Brandon.
WWE has been moving in a better direction lately (albeit in fits and starts, and with plenty of stupid thrown in). I’m interested to see where things go. Of course we have to have the inevitable “title unification” match or whatever they’ll call it, which will probably be at SummerSlam… but there’s plenty of other potential in play, and they’ve surprised me for two weeks running, which is good.
Except for the consistently terrible Divas matches. What they get out of this I don’t know; they should just scrap having female wrestlers altogether and just have dance-and-strip interludes between matches.
I’ve been reading this column for a while now and what initially brought me back was the fact that you don’t crap all over female wrestling. I rarely read recaps because every time the girls are brought up it’s a dismissive wank. You dislike Eve and you mock her but you also clearly respect female wrestling. That’s what brought me back and now on Tuesday’s and the Monday after a PPV I eagerly check this site for your post. Now I read it for everything because you’re insightful and funny and it’s nice to read a column about wrestling where the writer isn’t a jaded asshole.
Keep up the amazing work.
@Malorie – Thank you, that’s legitimately one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten.
Regarding belts: I think it’s bizarre that such a cheap-looking Spinner Belt would be the high prize in the WWE. I mean, they have the BIG GOLD BELT. I guess it would be too much of a nod to NWA/WCW to promote it as the premiere belt, but, come on. That’s where the prestige lies!
Let me tell a little story, I’ve been lurking Uproxx for about 2 years now, mainly focusing on FilmDrunk and Warming Glow. I’d pop by With Leather every once in a while, but holy hell this weekly breakdown is amazing. I literally refresh the page 1000 times every Tuesday like it’s Christmas for the 13 Year old Attitude Era fan in my heart.
Please keep this going.
Another week, another great job Brandon. I like your recap much better than anything on PWTorch or Creative Recall, F those guys.
I love how you blew up that notion of them “rushing” Punk back.
The only problem I had with Punk’s return was that he came through the curtain. If he’s not “technically” signed with the company, what was he doing in the dressing room? It’s a small problem, but one that bugs me.
I just did a Google search for my name, and this came up as the #1 entry.
How are you all doing?
Of course, the one fucking time my avatar comes up when I comment on WL leather has to be when I post under a pseudonym.
So how long until HHH uses his position to win the championship enough times to have more reigns than Flair?
THANK YOU BRANDON. i was one of the choir that didn’t want punk to come back quickly, but after your explaination, it makes sense. please, for my sake, MORE OF THIS. PLEASE!
I’d also like to point out that in a bizarre unplanned way, CM Punk being gone all summer was already done one year ago in the form of Daniel Bryan. Obviously there are large differences, and it wouldn’t be bad, but I’m just saying this would be two years in a row where we wait three months for our internet darling to return. And considering how hard CM Punk is trying to tread new waters here, I’m just saying.
“Brandon
@Malorie – Thank you, that’s legitimately one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten.”
She sounds hot, but I doubt she likes you.
1. From a storyline perspective, Punk’s return literally makes no sense. He came from the back with new theme music, so clearly he was kayfabe re-signed. This being the case, why would Triple H have not one but two matches for the ‘new’ WWE championship when he knew the man who held the title had been re-signed and was in the building? Is his secret plan to devalue the title they’ve been pushing as so prestigious as important during this whole angle?
2. CM Punk could do them the most good as a company by not being there. They could have continued to build more mainstream interest with incidents like the comic-con episode. That they might have had a plan for a storyline that took place entirely off TV, almost universally unacknowledged on Raw, would have been awesome and different and shown them as a forward-thinking company rather than one that only just discovered fucking Twitter, and would have made WWE seem interesting and creative again for the first time in forever. But they just don’t understand how to do shit like that, just like they have no idea what to do with Zack Ryder, so they just trot the guy out after two weeks because he’s the hottest thing in the company and the show has been anti-climactic without him.
3. Punk cannot save what Raw is about to become. Aside from the two Mysterio matches and Dolph Ziggler, none of which mattered in the grand scheme of things, that was an excruciating two hours. (or 1 hour and a few minutes – thanks, DVR!) We’ve had our month of awesome, and the regularly scheduled mediocrity will now seem that much harder to stomach. Triple H is the antithesis of everything that gives professional wrestling fans joy, and you summed up what he does and how much it sucks so well with your paragraph about Smackdown that I have nothing further to add.
4. I groaned out loud when they used Cult Of Personality. ROH was a different time and a different place. To the overwhelming majority of fans, this was Punk coming back to some fuck-awful song from twenty years ago that was last heard over Steve Austin’s Hall Of Fame video package and fit that far better.
5. Rey Mysterio looks like such a dick. In any sane world, he takes your Liger analogy to its logical conclusion and turns heel. The way Cena beat him for the title is this generation’s Hogan throwing Tugboat out of the Royal Rumble from behind.
Or not.
Anyway, I would mark the fuck out and buy Summerslam for heel Mysterio in black and gold. I won’t do it for some deus ex machina title-for-title main event horseshit no matter how much I adore CM Punk.
@ThatMaskedMan – That’s an extremely pessimistic point of view, but yeah, I too would flip the hell out and pay moneys for curmudgeonly old Rey Mysterio.
HHHaters gone HHHate. He IS the game. He didn’t become top dog because he married Steph. Steph married him because he’s the top dog. You can’t bury somebody who can’t be buried. Who did he “bury” that was better than him? If they were better than him, he couldn’t have buried them.
Having Cena and Punk raise the belts to see who got the bigger pop is one the ballsiest things I’ve seen in the WWE in a long time.
JR and The King is the best announce team since Monsoon and The Brain.
The last three weeks of your articles have been amazing. It’s the perfect blend of humor and results and it rewards you for actually having seen the show. I thought Punk came back way too soon, but you swayed e the other way. Keep writing this article man. This way better then the other blogs I read on Baltimore Sun and camel clutch blog
Let’s also put this moment in perspective with a few things that a lot of people didn’t read into it last night.
First, I’m sure a lot of us had a good notion that Punk was coming out to that song (or at least mocking Cena with it as the “leader of the Cenation”). The fact that he invoked his departure from ROH in the memories of his truest fans brought him full-circle. He left the indies with their title to this tune and now he returns to the biggest show in the industry after having left with theirs.
Punk’s return brought a bigger reaction than the moment Cena won the “title” from Mysterio, proving once again who really has the fans’ attention. If that wasn’t proof enough how fans have grown weary of the same Cena BS “Superman” routine, never mind the “five moves of doom,” them both holding up their titles certainly closes the case. Cena holds his up to a typical smattering of children and some women cheering and the rest of the crowd booing. Punk holds his up and the fans make it known who the better man is.
On that note, there is a more subtle play going on here. Cena holds his title to the air, posturing to everyone like “The champ is here because I just won it in an official championship match against the newly-crowned champion” (and I really feel bad for Mysterio over that). Punk just smiles and holds his title aloft as if to say, “Fuck you, man…I’M the legitimate champion because I won THIS from YOU!” And the fans agreed…rather loudly, in fact.
CM Punk is the best thing WWE has going, without question. We can only hope they don’t screw this up as they have so many other great angles in recent years.
@ThatMaskedMan <—— DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHH
awesome as always
Welp, I was going to respond to you Brandon, but ThatMaskedMan beat me to it about 100x better than what I was gonna write. I agree whole-heartedly with his first, second, and fourth point. The other stuff I disagree, not so much.
Because I forgot to tack this on to the first comment I also feel I should mention how very enjoyable and perceptive your recaps are becoming. I’m a classic lurker, I very rarely comment on anything, anywhere. But I’ve felt obligated the last couple of weeks to write something and make sure you know how awesome these are. Much like everybody else I think it’d be cool if you could put together a Best/Worst of Smackdown, even if it was just a truncated weekend version. Although, I feel it’s also necessary to mention that Smackdown can normally be found online by friday morning/early-afternoon. Of course this may not be possible, I know as a rule pretty much no other Uproxx bloggers post anything past friday at 5, so I understand.
Also, I think that you should keep posting the B/W of Raw later and later in the day, cause if everyone else is anything like me then they refresh the with leather home page about 50 times between 2 and whenever it comes out.
Excellent work as usual.
This column got me back into WWE right before this angle hit. Thank you. I hate you.
My Worst for last night: Lawler and Cole’s “Hyuk, hyuk, the President is boring and awful, amirite?”. Look, clearly we all agree that RAW is preferable to watching the leader of the free world speak. As Waylon Smithers once said, “They’re already here, do we really have to keep hustling them?”.
my cats breathe smells like cat food.
Brandon- I hated these recaps when you started. I couldn’t figure out your angle (I was used to “normal wrestling blogs” where push is a term used every post and ratings are discussed). Then it hit me that you were just a fan and I got into it and looked forward to them every Tuesday. I actually watched Money in the Bank and the last 2 Raws, which is the first time I watched a show in maybe 6 months. Thanks. Keep up the good work. Oh and John Cena gay.
Thanks for the kind words, everybody. And man, if John Cena ever comes out as a homosexual I’m going to get so many hits.
I anxiously await every Tuesday afternoon for this, and to see whether or not I agree with you (I almost always do).
Me: Let’s work on your wrestling-speak, “I’m worried about john cena gay.”
You: “Don’t you worry about john cena gay, let me worry about john cena gay.”
Me: Good; I also would have accepted, “john cena gay? JOHN CENA GAY?!?! YOU’RE NOT LOOKING AT THE BIG PICTURE!!!”
You know I almost never get to watch an entire Raw because I have to work early the next morning so I catch a few minutes then get some Zzzzzzs. Now recently I’ve used shady internet method to check out the Punk parts. I read your articles because they’re entertaining even if I didn’t see the whole show, only parts. Anyway I figured you were just joshin me when talking about backstage segments with Keith Stone and Eve, I mean rasslin’s pulled some retarded shit, but Keith Stone? Man’s gotta be joking. Well this week I watched just long enough to see it in person. You could just imagine my mortified, dumbfounded expression as that train wreck happened. That’s some sad shit.
Love the column. I’ve been reading it for a few months though, even though I haven’t watched pro wrestling in almost a decade (don’t have cable). It’s nice to know what’s going with the stories and the business.
That being said, two other points:
1) That CM Punk entrance was awesome and Cult of Personality is a fucking inspired choice
2) There really is a shit load of white on the new redesign. It’s almost like staring into the sun.
Good job. Was the dig about Bateman being due for worsts related to Kaitlyn not calling you?
@Ragingape – No, he just once told me that he couldn’t wait to be on Raw regularly so he could be a “worst”.
Another fantastic read, Brandon.
Punk looks fantastic with his new makeover. I would love to see him feud with Austin at Wrestlemania, just so he could repeat his Wrestlerave ’04 promo that he did with Raven.
Replace Maryse with Eve and Raw would get a little bit better. I’m going to miss the Bella twins after they lose to K2 at Summerslam and go back to obscurity.
I kind of hope Del Rio goes to Smackdown so he can have a lengthy title run. With Punk and Cena about to feud, there’s no way in hell he’ll be getting the title anytime soon.
/hopes WWE doesn’t blow CM Punks push
Quit mocking my title belt! Great column again this week.
“Cena channeling Hernandez and trying to put Rey in the hospital with a sloppy ass Border Toss”- ah, so you do watch TNA, that must be painful…great column as always
Great stuff.
Mysterio looked f*cked up at the end of that Miz match…guess a few botched moves can do that.
**slow clap**
I thought the anti-Monitor reference was a one-time thing, but bringing it back makes this article that much more stellar. Also, the BTTF timeline scenario in wrestling seems mind-blowingly underutilized.
If your master plan is correct (and I don’t doubt it), the HHH is totally necessary to the final plot. If he’s not HILARIOUS and perfect, he’s at least following the mighty plan.
That last page on Punk might be the single greatest piece of wrestling writing I have ever read. When the “smarks” outsmark themselves like we have with CM Punk, sometimes just a bit of a reality check helps.
On with the Summer Of Punk!
first, love your wrestling blog, second, i have way too many comments to write so i’ll narrow it down to this: totally disagree on BEST: Alberto del Rio…so ~arrogant~ that car horn makes me wanna yack, absolutely agree BEST: the return of CM PUNK!!
Great recap as usual. Up until Punk’s big promo, I was pretty much half-watching Raw so that I could laugh at your recaps. Great work.
I’ve got to say that I was also a bit disappointed with CM Punk coming back this week. Mainly this was because I was half-heartedly hoping he’d do the very thing that exactly 0% of people thought he’d do–leave the WWE for a bit. CM Punk’s appearances the past few weeks have let me just stop thinking about how terrible wrestling is and trying to guess how the WWE will fuck up next week’s show as bad as this week’s, and made me feel like a child where the lines of reality and fiction are blurred. But, then I remembered that next week will probably (and hopefully) start with the camera fading in to CM Punk sitting cross-legged in the ring with a mic, and all will be right with the world.
Also agree that the re-branding, so to speak, of Punk is awesome. It really works, and that is a rarity.
/john cena gay
[IMG]http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u51/The_Mutt_pics/hhhaters.jpg[/IMG]
Loved the analysis of the Punk storyline. I mean, this whole feature has become required Tuesday reading, but that was a great way of going beyond the knee jerk reaction. I thought it was a little early to bring him back, too, but then I realized how dumb that was when he’s been so great over the past month.
I’m also freaked out that I just realized the Mutt’s holding a gun in his avatar, since he posts on a bunch of the blogs I read.
Great column, as always. If it’s feedback you want, I’ll tell you this: I haven’t followed wrestling in about 5 years, and I got back into it _because_ of this column. I was never an ROH follower, so the earlier tidbits about the prior Summer of Punk were the first I had heard of it. I load up WL every Tuesday just for this column, so keep it up.
I come here for the entertaining recaps, but I stay for the Mondo Gecko references. If you email me a breakdown of which wrestlers are which Mutanimal character, I’ll comment every week. Kidding aside, great job on these, keep em coming.
@WhiteSaluteMachine I am so highly amused right now.
@Brandon
I’m serious. I’ve shown so many people this column they probably get annoyed at me. I just copy and paste it into chat convos at random. Your last page on Punk alone is golden. I really wish more wrestling column writers were like you.
That column is probably the best explanation/defense of why Punk coming back isn’t “rushed”.
Basically, despite how popular Punk has become recently, he’s still a heel screwing around with the company that needs him and the fans who are flocking to him now.
It’s a good theory because it subverts the notion that the angle should be kept honest as though there is something ‘honest’ about Punk.
If his character is lying bastard using the desperation of the fans to follow a ‘rebel leader’ against them, it fits that he’d show right back up even after he talked some much trash about the company.
After all, he’s just doing what he wants for himself and no one else.
In a way, it keeps the worked shoot element we assumed was lost once Punk returned so quickly alive because it’s true that smarks are clamoring for the beginning of the new era with Punk as the focal point, and now this heel is selling out merch and appearing on ESPN and late night talk shows like he’s the face of a company he’s supposed to hate.
This can work as long as they don’t eventually turn Punk’s character into a company stooge who only cares about money, or force a face turn that would likely run the edginess of his persona into the ground.
Importantly, for this theory to work, they’ve got to foreshadow these ideas into the angle with Cena so people don’t confuse his arrogance with valid self-righteousness.
That way the storyline doesn’t appear to have plotholes; instead Punk’s heel persona seems more complex.
I can’t stress enough that anyone that thinks that “Cult of Personality” is a poor song choice is objectively wrong. If you need it spelled out for you so goddamn badly, just go read the Wikipedia page for the concept of a cult of personality. Some people make my brain hurt.
That last page was perfection. Having said that, it should be noted that the IWC generally want to hate things. They’re probably the only people in the world that, when given something they want for free as a surprise, will complain that they weren’t offered it for $50. Punk’s the most exciting guy in wrestling right now and they want him gone longer?
@Brandon I stopped watching wrestling after they fucked up the Invasion angle and then briefly returned when ECW was relaunched before easing back out of it. This weekly column convinced me to give it another shot a few weeks ago. Thanks for all your hard work (swats on the ass).
Good stuff as usual, B. I agree that they did a fine job of bringing Punk back (like you said, he had to show up when Cena won the title) but I think it could’ve worked better if they’d held off until Summerslam. I think Rey v Cena could sell a PPV. Besides, Rey deserved more than an hour and a half as champion. Then again, unless Punk’s getting on talk shows and playing the angle up constantly, another 3 weeks off television could’ve hurt some of the ridiculous momentum he’s carrying now.
Anyways, job well done.
/jcg
This is the best wrestling column since Chris Hyatte’s Mop-Up.
Great work B.
After finally seeing him in action, I still don’t get why you guys like Ryder – he reminds me of that frat guy who dresses like a totally dooshbag to get noticed and says retarded things to get laid, “Woo woo woo, my dad totally owns a dealership bro, you know it!”
John Cena gay.
If I ever have to write a book report again, I would like you to do it please.
@Triple X that’s uh…basically his gimmick. He’s the douche LI guy.
Thought I don’t know if you can really consider raw seeing him in action. I’d watch his Superstars matches for that.
Just wanted to drop in and say that I’ve been a fan of this since Ufford was running it, but since you started this feature you’ve successfully turned me back into a wrestling fan. (CM Punk being awesome doesn’t hurt) I swore I’d never go back after the Beniot ordeal, but your recaps reminded me of how much fun I used to have watching it with my brother. Just wanted to say thanks man.
/something something dick joke lead into John Cena gay
anything which somehow leads to Morishima backdrop-driving whole rosters for months at a time is A-OK by me.
I feel like you’re playing devil’s advocate on why it was the right time to bring Punk back. Here’s why it’s not.
In a nutshell, you know how there’s a really hot chick that you know? Isn’t the hookup a thousand times better a year after you’ve met her than a week after you met her?
Or to put it in wrestling terms, remember when the Undertaker was buried or coffined or whatever years ago? And he immediately shows up on the screen saying he’d back? We all knew he was coming back – he said so right after the match. But it wasn’t a week later – there was the whole thing with the awful Photoshopped “Bigfoot” style pictures in WWF Magazine, etc…and when he finally came back, it was great. Or as great as seeing the Undertaker could possibly be.
Punk may not be the anti-hero, rather he’s not SUPPOSED to be the anti-hero, but he is the anti-establishment. The Punk character would be happier hanging out with Colt Cabana on the indies with the WWF title just because. The Punk character can make a ridiculous list of demands not because he wants them, but because he knows he’ll never get them. He just wants to piss people off.
So he goes away. The ultimate EFF YOU. He runs off with the title, waves bye-bye to Vince, and puts the belt in his fridge. Does that guy really plan to come back two weeks later? Or does that guy think he’s gone for good?
If he was that concerned about being the “real” champion, wouldn’t he have come back once Rey won? Wouldn’t he crash that locker room party? I mean look at who they let in there – he surely could’ve snuck in.
Why did he wait for Cena to win other than the fact that it was the end of the show and they want people to watch next week?
It’s not like anyone would have forgotten about him. The crowd was chanting his name all night. So keep them waiting. Why, you ask?
Cena has his “fake” belt for five seconds. How can he lay any claim to being the “real” champ? Punk comes back and logic would say, bad guy or not, “Well, he’s back. So I guess he’s the real champ.” Why would anyone take Cena’s side?
Now picture Cena on a four-month run. He’s defending a championship we are told is legitimate because they made it and they gave it to him so why wouldn’t it be legitimate. THEN Punk comes back. “Ho ho ho, wait there Mr. Cena, I’m the real champ.” To which Cena replies, “You haven’t even been here for four months I defended this on PPVs I am the real champ derp”.
NOW there’s drama. The anti-establishment gets mad because he’s no longer annoying the establishment. Love me or hate me but spare me your indifference, right? If everyone’s ignoring him, he’s not bothering them, so he comes back to bother them. But Cena’s had his belt for four months, so Cena can sort of lay a claim that Punk’s title doesn’t matter. Boom. Conflict.
The way it happened…why do we care about Cena’s title? “Hey Punk just beat you like two weeks ago, and he said he’s leaving but now he didn’t so give it back Cena, fair is fair.”
Don’t get me wrong – obviously they want people like me and probably 90% of the other commenters here who haven’t watched in eight years to keep watching, so they’re grasping at straws to give us a reason to watch it again next week.
Good in the short term, bad in the long term. How much longer can this “my title is the real title” last?
And yeah, I’m gonna bring it up. Nexus comes in and kills everyone and then two weeks later it’s like “Wait, who?” Two Nexxi? WHAT HAPPEN
It’s silly. I don’t know. I think that’s all I have to say about that.
@Kevkage: “Isn’t the hookup a thousand times better a year after you’ve met her than a week after you met her?”
God no. Who the hell chases a girl for that long anyway? Seems like a waste of time.
Also, Punk is the hottest thing going on right now. From the WWE’s perspective, why would I keep a perfectly healthy guy off the air for a long time when him being on the “second biggest” PPV show will increase the amount of money I make?
Especially with kids these days, if Punk is out for a long time, there is that possibility that he could lose some of that steam he has right now.
Finally, if Punk were to come back four months from now and make everything Cena did in four months irrelevant, that would mean the fans would have just wasted 4 months of their lives watching meaningless title matches. It’s one thing if they do that with Del Rio, but it’s another if it’s the title. Plus, I want to see a new title belt being handed to punk at Summerslam.
The comments don’t have pages anymore? Holy crap. allthatshit.jpg But if they redesign the belt, that leaves Punk with the craptastic one and gives Cena cool points. Counterproductive at the moment.
@kevkage — If they wait four months, Punk no longer has a claim to the title. If it’s not defended within 30 days, the title is forfeit. So you might as well strike while the iron is hot.
@Thatsamare:
You keep the hottest guy in the company off TV because it makes you more money in the long run. If you keep the storylines compelling, people will be tuning in waiting to see when Punk comes back. Put another way – when WWF buys WCW, do you book Goldberg against The Rock in a week if you have SummerSlam coming up? Sure, you’d make a boatload of money on that PPV – but you’d also make a lot more money in the long term if you build and execute an angle properly.
Don’t you think the Nexus angle could’ve still been rolling in some form a year later if they hadn’t blown it up so quickly?
Punk isn’t losing any steam with kids because kids still like John Cena. The people paying to see Punk understand he will be back eventually and will watch regardless. Making them wait makes his return more impactful.
And finally, Punk coming back in four months doesn’t make everything Cena does irrelevant. The four months of Cena with the title are legit in “that world” because even though we all know Punk is coming back, they don’t. That’s the whole reason why the angle works, because Cena believes what he did IS relevant and Punk is trying to take that away from him.
There are two schools going on right now: the little kids who love Cena and the 25 to 35-year-olds who love Punk. The little kids aren’t going anywhere. The big kids are watching now for the first time in a long time. You have to deal with them differently. If this Punk thing is over in a few weeks, how many people are going to keep watching in the long run?
People bought that PPV because they thought Punk might “leave” with the belt, not because they think Punk is a cool dude and they want to see him fight Kofi.
Triple H is Poochy. He tries to be everything that the focus group says is cool, and because of that I hate him.
@Brandon: I used to have a wrestling column. One of the reasons I don’t anymore is because I’m extremely pessimistic about WWE and nobody really wants to read about me going to watch NWA Mach-1 shows where there are more guys on the card than people in the audience. I like your columns because you’re cynical and realistic without just ragging on the product the whole time, I think much of what you say is true or at least interesting, and I laugh out loud at least once every time I read one of these things.
Which is why I’m so interested to see how you react to Triple H as the weeks go by. Heh.
Seriously, though, keep up the good work. This is the only pro wrestling column I read right now, which is pretty much the same thing as it being the best.
@ThatMaskedMan – Thank you. I wouldn’t want to do these if everybody just agreed with me. And yeah, Triple H is going to turn me into a dirt sheets jerk in about three weeks, watch.
JT Lightning!
Can I request specific CAPW references? A Hobo Joe reference would be excellent, but the timing is right for a Gregory Iron reference.
How obscure can you get? Kenny Hendrix? Aftermath? “Action” Dan Spade? Tiger Young? Where will it end?
@Erik – I made a Dick Trimmins reference a few weeks ago. I can only claim to make references from the time I lived in Cleveland, so I think the most obscure one I can throw out is “Los Scrubs”.
Admittingly, I did get in touch with Kaitlyn, and her lawyer’s made it very clear that I need to keep my distance. I should send her some blood. Bitches love blood.
I kind of wish CM Punk had come back in a mask with a tag team partner as The Punk Machine for a few months.
Your explanation and justification of what they are doing with Punk is spot on, and your weekly recaps (along with a string of wrestling-related podcasts) were the only things keeping me a fan until Punk saved kayfabe.
Just bring back the Smoking Skull belt that the Rock threw into a river like 12 years ago. And don’t explain why or how they got it back.
Wow. You’re the FIRST person I’ve seen on the entire Net that 1) completely gets what Punk is doing and 2) understands the full ramifications of the new theme song. And then there are the jokes. THE JOKES. “The snowglobe of an autistic child.” My gawd. I will be here next week to read your stuff. Wow!
john cena likes hummus
@escrew7 – He should, hummus is more or less the greatest thing.
You put into words what I’ve been thinking in the back of my head about Rey Mysterio for years. I don’t think I realized how much I actually liked him before this RAW. Kudos.
Dude, your weekly wrap ups are great. I feel like I have reason to watch the shows just so I can enjoy your articles. It’s been a really long time since I’ve read any wrestling articles worth reading or that were on point. Yours are both, keep up the good work.
And, obviously Cena is gay.
Memo to everyone who thinks keeping Punk off TV for months is going to make people watch every week to see if he comes back:
Monday Night Fucking Football starts September 12. After that those people are going away unless CM Punk is being awesome as shit between now and then.
Thatsa lotta commentsa!
Just to chime in, best/worst of smackdown would kick ass.
Mysterio vs Cena was nothing short of amazing for a non PPV event. I challenge anyone to name 3 matches better from RAW in the past 5 years.
I love wrestling, and while I’m excited to see coverage on a sports blog, I have to say these columns are all pretty much the same… You gush over 80% of the product, and then make the same few complaints every week. Your preoccupation with being clever and making allusions to storylines and characters from wrestling’s past are funny for guys like me who have been watching literally their whole life, but they just make the columns less accessible to the general WithLeather audience who may be trying to jump on board during this boom period.
Also, the way you have been sneaking wrestling jokes into completely unrelated stories has made the blog almost unreadable as of late. As stated before, I LOVE wrestling, but I don’t want to hear about David Ortiz’s swings at Kevin Gregg being wilder than Zeus punching Abby. (See, I’m not just a troll. I’m completely on your level and just trying to give my honest opinion.)
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for covering wrestling, Brandon. I really mean it. But please, I beg of you, be better than the “smarks” and youtube shooters. I have been a WithLeather reader for 4 years, and I recommend this blog to literally everybody I know who loves sports. I believe that you can change the face of the internet wrestling community if you do these wrestling columns right, and I know you’re a good enough writer to pull it off. Just don’t fall into the pit of self-conscious cleverness that dominates all internet wrestling coverage.
@TotalMark – While I appreciate the feedback, I’m still not sure exactly what you’re asking me to do. Be more negative?
@Brandon you know it! (especially with a bit of lemon juice mixed in)
I apologize if I sounded like a dick. (I just read my post and it might have been a little better if I had front-loaded the compliments before jumping into the critiques…) Like I said, I appreciate the existence of these columns immensely. Obviously I don’t want you to be more negative. The world (especially the wrestling world) is bogged down in too much negativity as it is… I just think your use of the word “Best” can be a little hyperbolic. The WWE is the industry standard for wrestling, and as such should be expected to deliver a high-level product consistently. They’re like the Yankees — they’d better be good because they spend so much more money than anybody else in the business that it’s a joke. (Don’t get me wrong, they have the resources, so why shouldn’t they?) So I don’t think that just because they are doing something well it should be regarded as “the best.”
For example, I agree that Ziggler is a fantastic worker with daily-increasing charisma and star power, and while I think it’s great that you highlight him, I think it seems strange to categorize him as “the best,” but then immediately follow that statement with an example of how he is involved in something that is “the worst.” I mean, I know the column isn’t called “The Solid and the Pretty Good of WWE Raw,” but it seems just a little odd to me that a single seg could be both the best and worst in the same breath. If there’s an element of it that is “the worst,” doesn’t that preclude it from being “the best?”
I guess what I’m trying to say is Shutter Island was a totally watchable, entertaining movie, but I think it’s fair to expect more from Scorsese and DiCaprio. I don’t think people should constantly be directing negativity toward the WWE, but I think the company should be held to a very high standard, at least partially because they’ve proven many times that they can deliver consistently high-level television (unlike, say, TNA, where I’m just happy to make it through Impact with fewer than three ref bumps and two twenty-minute Eric Bischoff promos).
Anyhow, I’m a total asshole, but since you commented my comment, I figured I’d try to explain myself.
@TotalMark – Part of what I’m trying to do is not rate things. Best and Worst are arbitrary tags for me to type a paragraph or two about what I think. I’m vehemently against match ratings, and if I started assigning curved grades to things it would mess up my whole intent. That’s the most important thing I can stress; I’m not a part of the wrestling business, and I’m not a part of a wrestling website. I’m a guy who legitimately loves a lot about what happens in wrestling, and this is my thing writing about it. If I changed it up to be like “0.4 Best” it wouldn’t really be “me”. Do you see what I’m saying? Those references to indy wrestlers and older things aren’t for a reason, they’re because that’s how my brain works, and I like talking about those things.
It’s valuable feedback and I appreciate your point of view, I’m just not sure how I could do it without seeming forced or false. Sure, I think Jumbo Tsuruta is way better than Alberto Del Rio, but when I’m watching Raw, he’s one of the best parts.
B, it’s pretty obvious what he’s trying to say: Not everything can be either the Best or the Worst, so if you could come up with some sort of scale for how good or bad everything is (I don’t know, maybe you could use stars, but that’s just me spitballing), you’d really be changing the game.
I think he also maybe be disputing john cena gay. I don’t get it either.
Guys, I think CM Punk was doing a worked shoot.