Best: Progress
The show ended, as you probably know, with the announcement of John Cena being fired. Don’t worry, there is a huge, huge “worst” hidden in here about building a show on a tournament (complete with Miz battling the odds, Del Rio’s cash-in abilities, and Mysterio’s “doin’ it for the lil’ big fans” thing) only to wipe it out completely in favor of impromptu talking. It was a wrestling show capped off with the most soap opera thing they’ve done in weeks, and it was super phony sounding.
However.
Vince McMahon being removed as the WWE’s Big Bad is a strong, powerful move in the right direction. As shows like “The Wire” and “Game of Thrones” have taught us, you shouldn’t be afraid to sacrifice your darlings. The Mr. McMahon character worked well for the longest time, and every great character needs an end point. Do I think they’re actually going to go forward with Triple H and keep Vince off TV, save for a few Hall of Fame appearances, for the rest of his life? No, not really. Do I think Vince will be on TV next week, and the week after that, and probably the week after that. Yeah. I’m conditioned to.
But the idea itself is the step. The fact that it would even be suggested is a step. Triple H can assume the Vince role and work an entirely new set of situations and relationships, finding his own Jesse Ventura, finding his own Steve Austin, his own Shane and Trish Stratus and whoever. That’s good. Time moves on, and wrestling should move with it. That’s why history and continuity are so important, and why I’m always so pissed off when they get ignored. You can build something storied and complex here using the simplest, most basic-looking blocks.
So progress. That’s a best.
Worst: How Scared We All Are Of Triple H Ruining Things
Trust me, I don’t like him showing up either.
Triple H is an important wrestler who has done good things. He’s also singularly responsible for about 40% of the horrid sh*t that has made me ashamed of being a wrestling fan over the last decade. Katie Vick. Blowjobs under the table with Candice Michelle. Those 20 minute show-opening speeches. But the worst thing he’s done is create this feeling of unrest in the online wrestling community so tangible and real that when he shows up and does ANYTHING we start tensing up and backing away and covering our heads with blankets.
I don’t know if he’ll be a positive addition to shows in this role, or even how long it’ll last until somebody makes him mad and we have another dumb Wrestlemania sledgehammer thing. Probably until Summerslam. See? I’m trying to explain how we do it and I’m doing it before I can get it all out. H, you corrupted us, and I hope you’ve got a lot of good ideas for a prosperous future, because holy sh*t you owe us.
Best/Worst: Bipolar Audiences
WWE audiences don’t know what they want. One minute they’re NA NA NA NA HEY HEYing Vince for a goodbye, the next they’re chanting “THANK YOU VINCE”. That’s wrestling in a nutshell, sadly enough. A bunch of people who do what they’re told not sure what they’re supposed to be doing.
Worst: I LOVE YOU POP
lol
hey H, you aren’t Shawn Michaels, you can’t pull this off.
Worst: A Brief Discussion Regadring History and Logic in Pro Wrestling
The Deus Ex Board of Directors did not remove Vince McMahon from power when he
- Drugged his wife to manipulate her and make out with models basically on her lap
- Won the ECW Championship in a 3-on-1 handicap match, pretended to be black
- Said the n-word on television
- Had a gun held to his head and pissed his pants on television
- Destroyed the reality of kayfabed wrestling by screwing Bret Hart
- Organized a group of occultists to embalm and crucify Steve Austin
- Ordered said occultists to kidnap his own daughter to make Steve Austin mad (?)
- Whored out his daughter to businessmen for personal gain
- Challenged f**king God to a tag team match
etc. etc. etc.
They removed him from power when he
- lost the WWE title
- tried to fire John Cena
The guy they put in charge, Triple H, is the same guy who
- spray-painted their corporate offices
- mocked a manslaughterer by f**king a mannequin in a coffin in a funeral home
- was racist to a black guy, then pinned that guy like it didn’t matter
- hits people with sledgehammers
- broke Jim Ross’s arm
- shot a fireball into somebody’s face
- has taken off his pants on TV numerous times, including dangerous amounts of ball sack
- attacked Randy Orton and his family in their home
- kidnapped, drugged, raped (?) and married Vince McMahon’s daughter
- was friends with Road Dogg
and so on.
You know, maybe John Cena should just go to TNA anyway.
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@B, I’m not going to lie. I just read these posts for the Diva pictures and videos. great job nonetheless.
/hoping for The Dugout today
/hoping for The Dugout today
Just remembered today is Tuesday.
@UU – As long as you’re clicking through, I will only suffer minor disappointment that that. You should read some of it, though, especially after you’ve watched the videos.
@UU — there is always hope.
@B — your lists at the end is a thing of joy.
ARE. ARE a thing of joy.
john cena gay
@B, I read all of it, but the Diva vids and pictures are my favorite. Like I said, great job.
“Create a Wrestler as f**k.” Gold.
I can’t help but worry that this is going to devolve into a McMahon family fest by Summer Slam. It’d be nice if I’m wrong though. This is the first time I’ve enjoyed WWE in years.
Once again you disgusting cm funk fans make everything about being gay
John cena a great straight american and shame on you for suggesting otherwise
@Boo homophobia – In case you aren’t kidding, the “john cena gay” thing is a riff on dumber commenters who may not be up to speed with modern human thought. No purposeful homophobia here, I assure you.
…I….I need to kow.
GODDAMNIT I CAN’T TYPE TODAY
(because I am gay)
You told me to comment. I have enjoyed all these Best/Worst posts and I will continue to read them each week. Good job buddy!
@Mikey – That’s great to know, and thank you for complying. I appreciate it.
@Paul – One of the best compliments I could get.
I don’t think anyone gets what’s right and what’s wrong with wrestling better than this guy.
Kaitlyn has not @replied me back yet, but I passed on the message. Also, “the first truly black ECW Heavyweight Champion” made me guffaw.
Yeah, the WWE script writers really did a good job this past month or so. Granted it was mostly CM Punk doing all the work for them…but they left the door open for CM Punk to return in a meaningful manner. The reason why Wrestling “worked” in the Attitude era was because there were a bunch of pissed off and disenfranchised lower middle class workers who hated their boss and they got to see Stone Cold kick the shit out of Vince McMahon on a weekly basis.
There was a similar vibe with CM Punk and Vince McMahon, except this had something else too it. This had a vibe of a guy who was better than everyone else, yet was still passed over for a promotion in favor of the boss’ darling little kiss ass, i.e. the guy everyone in the office hates. This had another vibe that the disenfranchised pissed off asshole could identify with. I hope the Vince McMahon character isn’t gone for good, he was a great heel and some of the best moments on Raw were involved with him feuding with the faces. There’s a lot of interesting directions that they can take this in, they could have him reinstated on the condition that he renegotiates a deal with CM Punk forcing him to kiss Punk’s ass for the time being, only to screw him over at Survivor Series or the Royal Rumble. The thing that kept me interested in wrestling was the arcs that lasted a year or so, maybe even longer…the thing that brought me back was the break between what was kayfabe or what was real with CM Punk. If they can get back a successful story line I may be back for good.
On CM Punk, I have reservations that he’ll be back. I’m only about 55% sure that he’ll come back, though. WWE has always been a star orientated business and only went as far as their biggest star would take them. For a while they had some amazing headliners: Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold, Triple H, The Undertaker, Mick Foley, The Rock, guys that could really carry a show in the ring and on the mic. Then guys like Jericho, who I liked as a midcard draw, came to center stage and it pretty much went downhill after that. They need a big star to give the fans a reason to tune in, the fact that they let John Cena come over as a face makes me worry, for their sake, that CM Punk isn’t coming back. If Punk was coming back, they could let John Cena take part in his role as a heel. Maybe he could involve into a poor man’s Triple H, who knows. I’m interested to see what the future has in store for CM Punk and the WWE. I know I’ll tune in to Raw next week, or at the very least read With Leather’s recap.
It pains me to say it, but the past few weeks of Cena on the mic have made me hate him a lot less.
I feel like when they have a guy who does great spots (Devil’s Advocate O’Haire) they run with it until they feel it’s lost the power to captivate us. Then they let him job for everyone in the business in O’Haire’s case.
1. Agree on all levels re: Alex Riley. What pisses me off the most is his God-awful grunting when he gets on a roll. I used to love when Jericho hit a few moves in succession and started letting loose with a few Street Fighter ‘OOAAAHHHH!!!!’ grunts. Riley sounds like a constipated Serena Williams and needs to knock it off.
2. Once again, have to give credit to Cena. he was able to toe a fine line between his multiple major personalities and deliver a solind monologue. he kept his mouth shut and let HHH/Vince have their bro-to-bro talk. his reaction when HHH said he was still in the WWE was borderline brendan fraser retard clap meme worthy and had me laughing my ass off.
3. Hunter has been handed the keys to an empire that’s once again in the middle of a boom. don’t f*!& it up.
“- was friends with Road Dogg”
not gonna lie that put me into hysterics
@Doctor,
i got your typing gay. YOU SAID YOU WERE CLEAN.
*solid
John Cena is gay
I was actually hoping for (what I thought was going to be) the obvious outcome last night: R-Truth squeaks his way into the championship only to have ADR take it away seconds later and further cement his ‘crazy Troof’ paranoia. Alas, it was not to be. Rey strikes me as a good guy, but I am (and have been) over him for a while now. Can wrestlers take sabbaticals?
@Nonnie Mus – They can. A really great one started his Sunday night.
I just lost my mind at “was friends with Road Dogg”. The lists are hilarious, and that Vince one reminded me how awesome he’s been.
Also I had a pretty similar conversation about how AJ and Kaitlyn could be genuinely likable babyfaces for girls to like, given half the chance.
AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CARES THAT RILEY WAS DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN?!?!?!?
Great article, as always. I got tickets for next weeks Raw, so at least I’ll get a Championship match out of it(I hope HHH doesnt do anything to screw that up). Maybe this whole shift will be a good thing from a wrestling standpoint, maybe it’ll just be the Agression Era all over again with HHH in charge. All I know is I’m actually interested in seeing what happens. And more Kaitlyn and AJ, please and thank you.John Cena Gay.
Keep doing recaps
I read the other stuff too, but I never read this site regularly until I got this and The Dugout. I guess what I’m saying is I think you’re the best, B. However, I will not tweet Kaitlyn because I think her hair is stupid.
Great job as always. These recaps, combined with some of the current storylines, have me back to watching Raw weekly, something I haven’t done in so very, very long.
Honestly, I am very encouraged about HHHs return to “rule.” I don’t like him or what he has done in the past (in fact, HHH taking things over probably prompted me to stop watching Raw in the first), but I am curious what this means for Cena and Punk and so on. I can’t predict what direction WWE (and for the record, McMahon called it WWF once last night) is headed in the overall, and I like that.
God gave Rock N Roll to Rey Mysterio II.
Also, note: Triple HHH starts off his attempt at mking the next Austin, Rock, Stratus, etc. by bringing in Sin Cara. Well, maybe that counts as preseason.
@Greene – Sin Cara was a pretty great idea, honestly, it just didn’t work out. Like Gail Kim.
Oh yeah, in referring to Kaitlyn and/or AJ as Sparkle, that was one of the things I liked about Mickie James. She was fun to watch, and she was my young daughters favorite because of that. So yeah, we should have more meaningful female talent getting more than 5 seconds on the apron every week.
This column is the only reason I started tuning into Raw again. True story. you can Wikipedia it, bro. Strong work.
Despite not being a big wrestling fan anymore, I also really enjoy these recaps.
Here’s the only part that makes it difficult to read, though: You flop back and forth between “I-know-this-is-all-fake-but-I-love-the-technical-aspects-and-soap-opera-themes-of-wrestling” guy and “part-of-me-wants-to-be-9-again-and-believe-this-is-all-real”-guy.
Sometimes in the middle of a sentence.
But, I guess that’s what can make wrestling enjoyable. Getting to analyze both sides of it all.
@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos – Yeah, I tend to do that, sometimes not on purpose. That’s what’s going on in my head while I’m watching. Part of me is saying “ugh here’s this and this and this and this is why it’s crappy” and the other part can’t wait to see his favorites. I’ll try to be mindful of doing that and at least try to wait until the sentence is done.
as soon as Raw ended last night, I’ve waited for B/W of Raw. Thank you.
Del Rio and Mysterio seem to be getting the screw job. Now Rey gets to wait a week for Miz to heal up? They could have thrown in Ryder vs. Kofi, and then had the tourney winner face Del Rio as compensation for winning the triple threat. SOMETHING to get some semblance of continuity, and of course, some Broski.
This column is now up there with Fun with PK on my “Things I Most Look Forward To on Tuesday” list. It is eerie how everything I say on Monday night you say here, and I like reading articles by people who agree with me.
If I had a nickel for every time I called a wrestler “Default”…oh Attitude for PS1, you were the best thing ever
john cena gay
Requisite comment to boost Uproxx activity/ keep Brandon paid to write this column every week.
Also, 2011 gay-friendly John Cena has retconned 2003-2010 homophobic John Cena.
@Brandon -it’s cool — the column is always entertaining and I’ve learned to interpret it.
Plus, I’m guessing most of the diehard readers/wrestling fans have the same dichotomic thoughts like you do.
Like other readers, I’ve actually started following wrestling casually for the first time since the late 90′s/early 00′s — because of this column/post.
Forgot to mention yesterday that I am, in fact, a nerd that says dude. So while we aren’t known for the term, it’s not restricted to frat bros and surfers.
Aside from that pointless point, I’m running out of ways to write “i think you write jokes just for me and im just happy other people like them half as much as i do”
I don’t watch wrestling and never have, but I read these whenever they’re up. It’s really, really confusing (perhaps exacerbated by the phenomenon mentioned by PaleHos) but I enjoy it, so please continue doing them.
My question is why do only Rey Mysterio opponents fall on the second rope during matches? It drives me nuts! Would it kill a few guys to randomly fall on the second rope in some other non-Rey matches?
Also, great recap, as usual.
Sometimes you say what my opinion is before I’ve really come up with the opinion myself. You’re good at this.
My fantasy booking for last night was for ADR to win, making him the champion, the number one contender, and have the money in the bank briefcase. We would then have two consecutive PPV’s where he defends the title against himself.
Just found the best/worst column a couple weeks ago, and I’ve been going back through reading each week’s. Great work. I’ll make sure to tweet Kaitlyn for you.
@Dr. Sodomy – This is the first and probably only time I’m ever going to say “cool, thank you” to someone named Dr. Sodomy
“Aside from that pointless point, I’m running out of ways to write “i think you write jokes just for me and im just happy other people like them half as much as i do”” -Khris // AMEN TO THIS.
“So it pleases me to note that the older and wider Vince gets, the more he starts to look like someone’s ironic sofa. It takes a real man to pull off sorbet, and while I’m not sure even Vince pulled it off, it does add legitimacy to the size-of-fruit comparisons he bestows upon his own balls. If I showed up on TV wearing a Purplesaurus Rex suit I wouldn’t look like a millionaire pimp, I’d look like Lloyd Christmas. The man looked like he should be abandoned in a 1990s fridge in favor of Sunny D. Who’s his tailor, Urban Decay?”
This is the funniest freaking paragraph I’ve ever read on this site. A very hearty +1 to you, good sir.
Great writeup. “Was friends with Road Dogg” was my favorite joke in the whole thing.
I don’t know why but I like AJ more than I like Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn is fine but AJ always seems so genuine.
Here’s the question for you B: Kaitlyn or Maryse?
@Ragingape – Kaitlyn or Maryse in what capacity? That question deserves a very specific answer.
I am worried what my work thinks of me based on the amount of times they must see me surf a website called withleather.com, but it is worth it for this column. Always a great read that makes the day feel a little less like rape.
Seriously dude the most entertaining thing I read on a Tuesday. You should just start sending your resume on a weekly basis until HHH (or his pop?) hires you to be a writer.
Great column, keep up the good work, +1, Tweet bonus, etc. I don’t think I’ve even seen AJ on TV before, but she needs to be on a lot more. Every second wasted on the Bella Twins is a second that AJ could be out there looking hotter and wrestling better.
I am hesitant to believe that after languishing in stubborn stupidity and stale shows for so long that the WWE might finally be on the verge of a new era of unpredictable (i.e. watchable and interesting) programming. Well, maybe not unpredictable… let’s say ‘less predictable’. I’m willing to give HHH the benefit of the doubt that he’s learned from the colossal missteps of his past, at least until Summerslam.
I used to read WithLeather but eventually abandoned it due to time constraints. I still checked various Uproxx sites and saw the RAW reports on the side of them and had to check them out. You’re doing a great job with these things, and I love seeing some people treating wrestling respectfully while also realizing how utterly ridiculous the art form can be. I’m happy to see so many comments, so keep it up.
Also, Alex Riley seems like a nice guy and could be a pretty good wrestler in general. However, his attempt at a Texas cloverleaf last night looked worse than me trying to give my friends a Sharpshooter when I was nine years old/when I’m drunk.
@Matt – I don’t think they hire people who like wrestling, and I’m not sure I could pretend well enough to get through a day without wrestling cheesing, much less a career.
@the other Matt – Tweet bonus! I haven’t gotten one of those before, thanks! +2
@RH – Great to have you back, glad to be of service.
I will tell Kaitlyn to call you only if you promise that in that phone conversation you get you and me a double date with the chickbusters
@gkfflgsoat – Willing to do whatever I have to.
So, I’m commenting for two reasons:
1. I was told to, and wrestling fans do what they’re told.
2. To add that the Silent Rage crap sandwich WWE put on makes me hate all life as we know it. There is no hope for Creation so long as that stupid shirt exists. He’s being pitched as essentially just an angry guy with a chip on his shoulder who once in a while gets up the nerve to say something about it. He’s not the damn Hulk, a mild-mannered guy who transforms with rage. His gimmick ends up translating as being a beta male secretly hoping to be alpha. Which is fine, if you’re gay like John Cena.
Thank you.
@B I suppose I meant who is more attractive. Really I just wanted to try to stump you.
Absolutely on fire this week B. Really enjoyed how you broke down what a “stooge” was in wrestling terms. Also loved the description of Rosa Mendes at a SHIMMER Show. Seriously, why does Rosa Mendes even have a job?
You also couldn’t be more spot on about the Miz babyface potentional. To see this phenomenon in even more abstract terms – just go to a Hooters for a PPV, it’s full of twenty year old want to be Miz(s). Also, forty-year olds, but that’s far sadder.
Was…was that a “Destinos” reference on Page 3??
@Steely Danno – It sure was. Next week’s Best and Worst is just Kelly Kelly making vegetable faces.
John Morrison is the Guru of Gymkata.
@Finkle I thought about ADR defending against himself as well. Thanks for making me feel less alone!
You had me at “Purplesaurus Rex”. :D
Excellent stuff, as always. I found it interesting that Hunter was able to have his lines wriiten on Vince’s right shoulder pad without it showing up on camera. (That said, though, HHH in that suit? Rawr.)
Glad to hear you’ve discovered the genius that is The Three Stooges (lousy fake Curlys notwithstanding). I’ve loved them for years; in fact, their harmonious “Hello-hello-helloooooo!” is my ringtone. :)
1) Dear Sir, the best and worst of Raw has got me watching Raw on a semi-regular basis. Prior to that, I hadn’t watched in 5 or so years. As a resident of Canadia, I would appreciate if you could make your videos available to us. Normally, I’d agree with an American and say who cares, Canada is irrelevant. However, Wrestling, like hockey, beer and beautiful women are things Canada is relevant in. So please, make your videos available for us Mother Canuckers. Thank you, eh.
2) I want to see more of the chick in the red tube top (slide 5) on Raw. Not sure who that is.
3) Triple H being in charge makes me fear that we are about to see a Triphanie/Shane/Vince McMahon power struggle. 1997-1999, here we come?
4) I’d love to see a Cena/Miz double turn where Cena becomes the corporate champion and Miz becomes the people’s champ.
5) Bring back the cruiserweight title, bring in some talented guys, and make Rey Rey a heel. He’s way too stale as a face. I think he could only be a heel if he were in the cruiserweight division.
@Thatsamare – 1) The problem is that WWEFanNation is the only YouTube account that legally uploads high quality WWE videos, so my only alternative is shaky hand-cam stuff that will probably be down by the time you click it. I don’t like it, but as of right now it’s my only reasonable option.
2) That’s AJ, one of the girls I talk about in the paragraph next to the photo. She is cute and great [www.wwe.com]
PS: Is it just me, or does anyone else think of the Benoit murders whenever they hear Andy Leavine’s hidden trait of Silent Rage?
@Thatsamare – You aren’t the only one. I also think of Blind Rage from CHIKARA when I see or hear about Silent Rage.
BUENOS
DIAS.
By the way, SummerSlam 92 was honestly the thing that got me (and I imagine a lot of British kids) really into wrestling when we were younger. So I was about to get offended but I guess, looking back, it really is a one match show. I loved that Warrior vs. Savage match back when I was six (except Flair and Perfect trying to break Macho’s leg because boooooo) and probably the rest of it as well (not Nailz) but you make a good point.
Also, as cool as it would end up being, I can’t believe The Miz as an awesome babyface is even a possibility after how he started.
When I hear him say “silent rage” started in his childhood, I just think it sounds like he was molested.
Keep up the great work! Ever since the debut of this column, my Tuesdays seem to be that much better.
My husband loves WWE. I don’t really get it, and didn’t believe him at first when he said he liked it. But I watch it every week with him, knowing that I have these hilarious recaps to help me “get” it and entertain me. And I get to tell him stuff he doesn’t expect me to know, which is fun. So here’s my required comment – keep it up, this is my favorite feature on WithLeather.
I’ve been reading With Leather (and other Uproxx sites like WWTDD, Warming Glow, and FilmDrunk) for a couple of years now and don’t know that I’ve ever commented. I just want to say I fucking love these sites…they’re humorous and insightful, relevant and real, and sometimes they share pictures of girls with awesome tits and say funny things about farts and dicks in the same post!
Anyway, I’ve also been a wrestling fan for as long as I can remember, and I was born in 1982. I tried out moves on kids that told me it wasn’t real and asked them how bad it hurt. I told my friends that I was recording Silk Stalkings (this was before I knew what internet porn was) on USA when I was actually recording Raw. I had my entire month ruined when Michaels kicked Jannety through the window, first saw Cactus Jack on a lowly cable show in what looked like a bingo hall with a 300 capacity, marked the fuck out when Hall showed up in WCW and made it ok for me to tell my friends I loved wrestling, watched Rocky debut looking like the gay best friend from a Rom-Com, was reading minute-by-minute PPV updates when Benoit no-showed and that whole nightmare played out, and my wife and I both teared up when my favorite wrestler (Shawn Michaels) officially called it a career because we knew we had hit the point in our lives when icons from our childhood begin dwindling into retirement. I love the entire spectacle of wrestling and its characters, and I take it for what it is.
That being said, I just want to say thank you for including this feature on one of my favorite sites. It fuels the discussion, arguments, passion, and joy that comes along with diving into the world wrestling. I’m incredibly excited to see that there are level-headed people out there that can provide in-depth commentary on this industry without getting sucked into the bullshit, jaded mindset of the internet. I’m in the music/arts/events industry and have been to hundreds of shows but I have never experienced a surge of energy like the biggest pop of a wrestling event in any other venue.
So, uh yeah… Thank you for bringing this to us.
Andy Leavine is to Silent Rage what Van Hammer was to guitar chops.
And next week, I hope Cole finds a way to mention Twitter once or twice more. I found 86 times to be a bit lacking.
Finally, I’m really happy to see 75 comments on this article, and only about eight of them are “John cena gay.”
i missed all of this story arc, but i’ve loved keeping up with it through this column. brandon, you’re a goddamned american hero.
i love these, cant wait for them.
I am with you all the way on The Chickbusters. I almost got to meet Kaitlyn last week at FCW, but when I got around to her and asked John Morrison where she was, all he could muster was “must be takin’ a piss, dude!”
“It’s like, what are you bragging about? You more or less got the Rey Mysterio sympathy title run, Kelly, only your dead Eddie Guerrero is living in Kharma’s stomach.”
Probably one of the most amazing metaphors ever printed on the Interweb. Great stuff, Stroud. You turned a routine, somewhat disappointing Raw into a great read.
@Alexequalsmoney – That is unbelievably flattering, thank you so much.
@85 – Cena gay though, you have to admit
@Panther Joe – I can’t imagine a thing more terrible than expecting Kaitlyn and getting John Morrison. I need to get to an FCW show something fierce.
The Best and Worst of Raw = doubleplusgood.
You make me want to turn WWE on again tho I know it will never live up to Best/Worse
B – I’m obviously not disputing that john cena gay. America was built on john cena gay. In fact, I write “john cena gay” in Sharpie on all my paper money.
Stop me before I do terrible things to your Google results.
With all these compliments, I’ll try to remain brief. I just wanted to let you know that I got the following tattooed on my chest: “You know those people who say, “you know wrestling’s fake, right” every time it comes up in conversation? Those are the same people who send you a “whoa did you see that I think that was real!” IM when something unconventional happens on TV.”
Keep up the excellent wrestling writing. It’s really been a delight for us all.
Every time Jack Swagger loses he should just sigh, hang his head and slump to the back as “Christmas Time Is Here” plays.
Those Vince/HHH bullet points gave me the best laugh I’ve had all day
The Best and Worst of Raw is definitely the best thing on withleather. I look forward to it every Tuesday!
The chickbusters are awesome.
Katie Vick is still a running joke in my circle of friends.
Also, keep up the good work. I think your Best and Worst alone can help bring some long lost fans back to Professional Wrestling (not just sports entertainment).
Another great Best / Worst, my favorite part,
“And the Horsemen paid a cameraman to follow them out into the parking lot because they wanted everyone to see them break Dusty Rhodes’ hand. “
No lie, I have the Repo Man entrance theme on my iPod.
RREEEPPPOOOOOOO MMAAAAAAANNNNNN
doo doo doo doo do doo doo doo do doo
“was friends with Road Dogg”
Awesome.
The “best-and-worst-of” pro-wrestling segments are awesome. Keep at it!
i dont have anything to say but i really like these features
“john gay cena”
…f*ck! Can’t get it right, pop!
Whenever CM Punk is doing something on the WWE’s television shows I become intrigued and get excited about watching, then whenever anyone else is on TV I am embarrassed that, as an adult, I continue to follow this drivel.
Jesus, I’m used to coming here, seeing a few comments, then leaving my own. I stumble in here to see 4 pages of comments by 8pm PST? Brandon, you shameless whore.
Great as always, though, and even though it was already pointed out, “Create-a-Wrestler as f**k” was by far the funniest thing I read all day.
Regarding Kelly Kelly: “…your dead Eddie Guerrero is living in Kharma’s stomach.” Beautiful.
Wow. Never saw that Triple H – Candice Michelle thing before. Good God was that dumb.
Ok, fine. I’ll be the one who doesn’t get that ‘fight or flight’ reaction when Triple H rolls into the ring. The transfer of power should have been maybe one or two sentences and then done… and the I LOVE YOU POP reminded me a lot of Simple Jack, but that’s Triple H and for all of his bad work, he’s had brilliant matches and that’s the only part I want to remember and hope to see again.
I was a young kid at the beginning of the Attitude Era and the Monday Night Wars, so growing up with wrestling was pretty awesome for me. Unfortunately, I didn’t have USA or TNN/Spike for my first 2 years of college, so that’s when I started getting out of it. For the next few years, I’d only catch RAW maybe for the second hour once every month or 2. If it wasn’t for this column, I might have missed almost the entire CM Punk angle. Because of it, I didn’t miss a second. So thanks, B.
John Cena gay.
ah these are fun to read. really start thinking about doing smackdown man, I’d read it
The best/worst is one of, if not the main reason I’ve gotten back into wrestling. It’d been 6 or so years since I’d watched wrestling with any sort of regularity. Reading these reminded me why I started watching in the first place.
Where can one find the tubes scoreboard for all these +1′s people are always dishing out? By what authority are they able to be given out? Are there redeemable prizes ala KoolAid points?
Ehhh, sorry. John Cena gay.
Stymie rules!
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@The Mutt – Best comment so far.
I dunno if you can really hang Sin Cara on Triple H. I mean, unless HHH was like, “here, little elf-person, these are called steroids. they will make you into a viking trollgiant and someday you will sit on a throne made of Motorhead and pass judgment and somehow be called ‘cerebral’.” Triple H seems like he’s actually a pretty smart guy, but completely awkward about how people actually communicate, so he’ll come up with some brilliant insight over dinner but spend way too much time trying to get you to comment on the waitress’ tits.
Plus, he and HBK were the “worked shoot” innovators of WWE back in the ’90s, so who knows?
John Cena gay.
I’m going to stop reading this blahg is the wrastlin coverage continues. It was cool when I was 10. Not anymore. Just sad.
GO BACK TO YOUR OWN CLUBHOUSE THEN, SLIM!
You bringing up Test reminded me of the blind fury (silent rage?) I got when he wouldn’t name his finisher “The Final Exam.”
Further, I guess this is my chance to gush about how much I love this column and your writing. Loved it since PBoi, I even bought your book but then didn’t get around to reading it and lost it in a move. What I’m trying to say is you’ve had me since you wrote a fantasy match involving Goldberg vs. Britney Spears based strictly on the fact that they both are connected to the word “spear.” Oh, and I found out about MySpace only after I read HySpace. Oh and the Internet Hanna Barbara Fashion Database.
Shit, sorry. Not stalking you. I’ll just wait for security to escort me out.
@Mox – No, don’t worry, you just became my favorite person ever.
I do enjoy the people who take the time to tell us WRESTLING COVERAGE SUCKS and then eagerly await the times when undereducated large black men give each other concussions for eighteen weeks. THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT.
Typically the only time I comment on a wrestling article is to pick a fight with someone in total heel style, usually bashing Bret Hart or Sting even if they aren’t even mentioned, but I’ve been meaning to give you props for a while Brandon… Great work as always!
I laugh at the usual stuff, but I milked out the nose on “oracle of open relationships” and “pre-crisis Stephanie”. Why are they running promos for J Mo anyway, didn’t he already come back a few wks ago when Truth okey doked him?! (because it was Truth’s turn with Melina and he didn’t want to get CB’d).
Speaking of which, I also feared Truth’s momentum would fade into a walking punch line. I’m on the edge of my seat to see when you finally transition your boy from best to worst. Maybe it’s time to face da Truth!
Lastly, I’ve 100% totally agreed with Miz’s uberface turn – he will be one of the biggest faces of all time. If anyone saw MITB when he hobbled back out on one leg and how the crowd went absolutely ballistic they’d agree. And even on RAW, one leg, his mouth all bloody, chest slapped red, cheesey catchphrases, t-shirts kids love to wear… the dude reeks of superhero. He hasn’t mattered since Mania, what are they waiting for?!
It would be one of the easy turns in WWE history, Miz just gets on the mic and says, “Hey I’m Mike. I’m a good guy now. Awwwwwwwwesome!!!”
Cena, Sting, Bret Hart gay.
@thatsamare: Heel Rey is terrible. See the “Filthy Animals” run in WCW after he got unmasked.
Hold hands, you lovebirds
/Sitka
@ keith: Good point. I blocked that out from my memory because Mysterio’s face was hideous.
@Brandon: I’ll start harassing WWEFNation then.
Snitsky: I like your poems
Heidenreich: I like the way you kick babies.
Bring this tag team back!
OK you made me feel guilty so I’m going to comment before I even read the article. In no particular order:
1. You called Mark Henry a thwomp. OMFG. ROFL and all that stuff. I about choked on a potato chip I laughed so hard. If I knew anything about photoshop, I’d make you a banner with Mark Henry squishing Toad….
2. CM Punk + just being himself = better anti-hero than Randy Order + his natural level of charisma X 1000.
3. I have to be honest. I get a little annoyed having to wait until Wednesday to read your Best and Worst. Take that as a compliment.
Crap. I mean Randy Orton…
@Ohio Matt – Wednesday? Why can’t you read them when they go up, on Tuesday?
With work schedule, that’s usually when I can get around to it…
Since I’m not the only one now, I can finally come clean about the fact that I’ve been reading B since the Pre-Dugout Progressive Boink days. Somehow I missed that you had a book though. Hm.
Like B, these recaps = Best!!1
best/worsts and dugouts
are the best things on uproxx
also, cena gay
Love the BWR.
The bipolar audience thing was..strange, but I felt like they were saying goodbye to Evil Genius McMoose and then realised “Oh crap, this is goodbye to Vince too” and changed their tune to suit.
There are much worse bipolar moments in wrestling, most involve Triple H coming back to cheers when he has a long history of sledgehammering people that inspired Andy Samberg to punch people before they could eat. I know Samberg’s game.
Judging on the amount of comments you get from these posts, it seems like you need to start a wrestling site.
Laughed like a maniac at Triple H’s list of accomplishments.
Nothing they could possibly have done short of Dixie Carter walking out and then spontaneously combusting in the middle of the ring would have seemed anything other than anti-climactic after the last month. I’m surprised when WWE creative provides more than three or four minutes of compelling television. I’m going to take my three weeks of Punk being my hero and accept that next week Stephanie’s probably going to take over Smackdown and they’ll feud over which is the better show until she inadvertantly gets hit with a sledgehammer and marries Hornswoggle.
Well you can explain away most of the reasons he wasn’t removed from power before due to there being good ratings which equals money for everyone. Got nothing for the ECW championship and God challenge other then maybe the board was so damn confused by it hey didn’t even try.
The ending of RAW (7/18) was a copy of TNA. What I mean by this is that they took the idea that the network was controlling Hogan (nonsense). WWE (McMahon) is now pretending that a committee board is controlling him (more nonsense). The truth is that everyone can see that McMahon is too old to continue anyway. Thus a storyline to go along with his leaving. As for McMahon’s fake crying that’s very easy to do. All you have to do is think of some very sad moment in your life and concentrate (think about it) at the right moment. The tears will then come naturally. What will probably happen is that after Punk finishes his vacation (a couple of weeks perhaps) WWE (McMahon) will reveal their excuse to bring him back as a superstar (which he’s not). The entire Punk thing was scripted and planned months in advance. In no way was this real. The other scenario is that Punk was retiring all along and the staged storyline was used to make his departure more dramatic. I just wish both WWE and TNA would stop their stupid storylines. They also should stop copying each other and just try to be original! Then we’d have 2 good wrestling shows instead of one huge silly circus.
I agree that this was fake. HHH’s acting was bad. This was no more real than when McMahon pretended he got blown up. Just another ridiculous story. Also who cares if Punk took the so called championship belt. WWE can easily make 100 belts a day if they want. They can always say they took it from Punk and nobody would know the difference!!!
I’m happy we’ve finally got some commenters who can explain to us which parts were real (“shoot”) and which parts were fake (“work”). Anybody know Triple H’s real name?
His real name is Paul Levesque. HHH is his stage name.
HHH stands for Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The dumb thing is that some wrestlers are given fake retarded names which are obviously fake (if you’re over 4 years old). Examples are CM Punk, Edge, Bossman, Honkey Tonk Man, Big Show, Golddust and Booker T.