The show ended, as you probably know, with the announcement of John Cena being fired. Don’t worry, there is a huge, huge “worst” hidden in here about building a show on a tournament (complete with Miz battling the odds, Del Rio’s cash-in abilities, and Mysterio’s “doin’ it for the lil’ big fans” thing) only to wipe it out completely in favor of impromptu talking. It was a wrestling show capped off with the most soap opera thing they’ve done in weeks, and it was super phony sounding.
Vince McMahon being removed as the WWE’s Big Bad is a strong, powerful move in the right direction. As shows like “The Wire” and “Game of Thrones” have taught us, you shouldn’t be afraid to sacrifice your darlings. The Mr. McMahon character worked well for the longest time, and every great character needs an end point. Do I think they’re actually going to go forward with Triple H and keep Vince off TV, save for a few Hall of Fame appearances, for the rest of his life? No, not really. Do I think Vince will be on TV next week, and the week after that, and probably the week after that. Yeah. I’m conditioned to.
But the idea itself is the step. The fact that it would even be suggested is a step. Triple H can assume the Vince role and work an entirely new set of situations and relationships, finding his own Jesse Ventura, finding his own Steve Austin, his own Shane and Trish Stratus and whoever. That’s good. Time moves on, and wrestling should move with it. That’s why history and continuity are so important, and why I’m always so pissed off when they get ignored. You can build something storied and complex here using the simplest, most basic-looking blocks.
So progress. That’s a best.
Worst: How Scared We All Are Of Triple H Ruining Things
Trust me, I don’t like him showing up either.
Triple H is an important wrestler who has done good things. He’s also singularly responsible for about 40% of the horrid sh*t that has made me ashamed of being a wrestling fan over the last decade. Katie Vick. Blowjobs under the table with Candice Michelle. Those 20 minute show-opening speeches. But the worst thing he’s done is create this feeling of unrest in the online wrestling community so tangible and real that when he shows up and does ANYTHING we start tensing up and backing away and covering our heads with blankets.
I don’t know if he’ll be a positive addition to shows in this role, or even how long it’ll last until somebody makes him mad and we have another dumb Wrestlemania sledgehammer thing. Probably until Summerslam. See? I’m trying to explain how we do it and I’m doing it before I can get it all out. H, you corrupted us, and I hope you’ve got a lot of good ideas for a prosperous future, because holy sh*t you owe us.
Best/Worst: Bipolar Audiences
WWE audiences don’t know what they want. One minute they’re NA NA NA NA HEY HEYing Vince for a goodbye, the next they’re chanting “THANK YOU VINCE”. That’s wrestling in a nutshell, sadly enough. A bunch of people who do what they’re told not sure what they’re supposed to be doing.
Worst: I LOVE YOU POP
hey H, you aren’t Shawn Michaels, you can’t pull this off.
Worst: A Brief Discussion Regadring History and Logic in Pro Wrestling
The Deus Ex Board of Directors did not remove Vince McMahon from power when he
- Drugged his wife to manipulate her and make out with models basically on her lap
- Won the ECW Championship in a 3-on-1 handicap match, pretended to be black
- Said the n-word on television
- Had a gun held to his head and pissed his pants on television
- Destroyed the reality of kayfabed wrestling by screwing Bret Hart
- Organized a group of occultists to embalm and crucify Steve Austin
- Ordered said occultists to kidnap his own daughter to make Steve Austin mad (?)
- Whored out his daughter to businessmen for personal gain
- Challenged f**king God to a tag team match
etc. etc. etc.
They removed him from power when he
- lost the WWE title
- tried to fire John Cena
The guy they put in charge, Triple H, is the same guy who
- spray-painted their corporate offices
- mocked a manslaughterer by f**king a mannequin in a coffin in a funeral home
- was racist to a black guy, then pinned that guy like it didn’t matter
- hits people with sledgehammers
- broke Jim Ross’s arm
- shot a fireball into somebody’s face
- has taken off his pants on TV numerous times, including dangerous amounts of ball sack
- attacked Randy Orton and his family in their home
- kidnapped, drugged, raped (?) and married Vince McMahon’s daughter
- was friends with Road Dogg
and so on.
You know, maybe John Cena should just go to TNA anyway.