The United States Women’s National Soccer Team had a hell of a run in this World Cup. After knocking off Brazil in truly exciting fashion and taking care of business with ease against France, though, they had to take on the sentimental underdog Japan yesterday, and the U.S. eventually lost 3-1 in a shootout after a 2-2 tie. Regardless, millions of Americans watched in patriotic awe as Hope Solo, Abby Wambach, and the rest of the U.S. women gave their all.
While the loss was deflating and the women will soon drift back into anonymity – or at least the state of “Not that chick who took her shirt off but that one with the pink sports bra” – until the next World Cup rolls around, we offer a hearty “HUZZAH!” to our soccer sisters, because while it sucks not to win the Finals, at least we beat Brazil and that smarmy Marta. Oh how I hate her so.
In case you missed yesterday’s action and you need something to look at while you attend your treason hearing, I’ve put together this hasty retelling of the 2011 Women’s World Cup Finals, and as always, there is no chance that the pictures are in the right order, but you’ll just have to live with it.
(Images via Daylife.)
After a scoreless first half filled with what felt like a million missed opportunities for the U.S., Alex Morgan breaks the ice with an awesome goal and an even more awesome celebratory pose. But just how awesome was the goal?
This kid thought it was pretty awesome.
"Haha, all right flashing chubby kid!"
Morgan's goal sparked a pretty significant Twitter debate with women taking offense to people pointing out that Morgan is quite pleasing on the eyes, and not the goal itself. Hey ladies and Twitter feminists, deal with it. She's very attractive, so it's going to be mentioned. You know who won't mind people talking about how attractive Alex Morgan is when she's receiving a ton of cash in endorsement deals for the next decade? Alex Morgan.
Abby Wambach clearly agrees with me.
Speaking of Wambach, she scored another big goal on a header to put the U.S. up 2-1 in extra time. I'll miss her when she goes back to her job as Tom DeLonge.
This sign actually sparked a moment of debate between two of my friends when one of them said, "Too soon." I know, I need new friends.
How dare you trip the very attractive Alex Morgan?
Hey Bibiana Steinhouse, are you going to do something about that?
"Two girls with green eyes?"
This was probably the only goal Japan's keeper actually blocked. Every other U.S. shot on goal hit the side of the net or the cross bar. So damn maddening.
Ultimately, the game was settled in a shootout, and a bunch of ignorant Americans (me included) complained that overtime should be sudden death without realizing that the U.S. would have never made the Finals if that were the case. At the very least, they could have changed the rule after the Brazil game.
Yeah, Carli Lloyd knows what she did. Someone better be walking home.
Hope Solo, who is also quite attractive much like Alex Morgan, didn’t do so well in the penalty kicks, as the U.S. lost 3-1. Frownies.
And you know the rest. Congrats, Japan. Wonderful job, U.S. ladies. Long, experimental hugs all around.