Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett is a Renaissance Man. In the last week and a half he's live-blogged a run-in with the police and purchased an alligator as a response to almost being bitten by one. Now, the only man to date to use wealth and social media properly is live-blogging his own response to the Casey Anthony trial, a trial America has been forced to follow in detail whether they want to or not thanks to the bumrush of television and online coverage. Seriously, it's everywhere. I opened up my copy of Great Expectations and found an illustrated chart of Casey's imaginary friends folded up and crammed inside.
So begins part two of our Darnell Dockett @Storytime series. A couple of warnings: this is reproduced from Dockett's Twitter, so beware some foul language and adult situations even if the heavier stuff is edited. Also, there is a picture of Dockett's son in some extremely small pajamas. And he's trying to go to sleep in them! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Please enjoy a recap of (and a shared emotional response to) the Casey Anthony trial courtesy of a guy who owns an alligator and knows Kim Kardashian.
brb
[citation needed]
No modern conversation is worth having until Kim Kardashian weighs in.
A brief intermission to establish how Darnell Dockett's point of view is one of a loving, nurturing parent, and because it is f**king hilarious.
Back to the whole "murdered baby" thing.
This is where we start in with the "somebody's going to kill this bitch" meme.
He burried the body next to that mofo alligator.
/race card
I have often asked myself "WHO THE HELL IS NANCY GRAY?"
The verdict is in.
Especially if he'd gone missing in those little ass pajamas.
Darnell Dockett is going to personally kill Casey Anthony with his bare hands.
It's 10 in the morning and even I want to go to bed after seeing that picture.
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So… What you’re telling me is Casy Anthony is back on the market?…
I only know about this because the work cafe televisions are set to Headline News and Fox News.
/suicides
I vote for letting his kid wear those pajamas to bed.
And if my kid was missing for 31 seconds much less 31 minutes much less 31 days I would be flipping out.
Let that boy wear them shits. Lookin like Bebe’s Power Ranger.
Its easy to make fun of Dockett for this; but this was pretty much the reaction in the exact order yesterday for all of my male friends who never heard about the case until it blew up all over Facebook Feeds.
Perhaps we write a little better than Dockett… But probably not.
@SEC Rebel read my mind, but he won’t beat me to the punch.
/may the stalking begin
Let the kid wear em
WELL? Did the kid sleep in the pajamas or what?!
Also, using “lil ass” as an adverb* makes any sentence at least 10x funnier.
*[citation needed]
Casey Anthony I think is the most hated person on this planet right now!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!! HOW THE HELL DID SHE KILL HER 2 YR OLD DAUGHTER IF FOR THE LAST 3 YRS SHE WAS IN JAIL??? U RETARDS!!!!!!!!