Site note: The Dugout should be back today. Restocking new computers with programs necessary to create an esoteric baseball webcomic is harder than you’d think.

Sports

The Best and Worst of the Milwaukee Brewers First Half - Miller Park Drunk apes the Best and Worst of Raw format without my permission and makes me wonder if my sports news would be best reported this way. I’m not sure I could do this about the Indians. My Best would be “everything” and my Worst would be “nothing, shut up”. [Miller Park Drunk]

The Ridiculous Argument About What Is Or Isn’t A Sport - I thought this argument ended when you left high school and didn’t have to hear teen girls defend cheerleading. Apparently somebody thinks soccer isn’t a sport because they don’t like it, which is seriously a great qualifier for adults who use words. I don’t like celery, so celery isn’t a food! It’s a mineral! [A Slice of Bacon]

The Rock Responds to John Cena - CM Punk called some people in Australia “homos” and it necessitated an apology and a formal statement of regret from WWE. A major Hollywood Disney movie star cuts a 15 minute promo about how John Cena deepthroated a bunch of dudes in college (that is also transphobic, hateful toward fat people and the abstinent, and sort of racist) and nobody gives a crap. Because he’s cool! Yay the Rock! [The Wrestling Blog]

Kevin Love & Blake Griffin Square Off in an Intense Jenga Series - I am fairly confident that I could beat both of these guys at Jenga. And “Last Word”, if they know what that is. Oh, and Scattergories. [Smoking Section]

With Leather

@Storytime with Gilbert Arenas - A free Slurpee promotion from 7/11 becomes a call for racial equality. Did you know that if you live near a bunch of other races you can’t be racist? Did you know that athletes should probably not have Twitter accounts? [With Leather]

The 82nd MLB All-Star Game in Pictures - In case you missed it (and chances are, you did) relive the majesty and wonder of a mid-season baseball game that barely matters. The pictures are really cool, at least. [With Leather]

Whoops - Watch the biggest boob moment at Fenway Park since Roger Clemens retired. [With Leather]

A Look at Tour De France Crashes - Nothing makes French bike riding more awesome than dumping the riders into a ditch and slashing them mercilessly with barbed wire. Also, please view this gallery and see what cycling does to human legs so you will NEVER CYCLE EVER. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Diablo Cody is Polishing the Evil Dead Remake Script - I’m sure this won’t end with a teen girl pretending to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer against a bunch of rapist trees at all. Chances of a “barking up the wrong tree” joke have risen to 100%. Why are we letting Suicide Girls make movies, again? [Gamma Squad]

Real Housewives of the Bible - Slightly less sacrilegious than an episode of “Superbook”. At least this one doesn’t suggest that Original Sin could’ve been prevented if a boy from the future had just properly winded his Christianity robot. [Warming Glow]

The Kid in the Clover Grill - The companion piece to any of those stories where athletes are suddenly concerned about gay marriage, Jason Fry writes about the beauty of being able to change your mind. [Jason Fry]

Tom Green Invented Planking in 1994 - … you know, in case you need any more evidence to prove what you’re doing is dumb. Ten years from now some jerk on the Internet is going to put his ass on a Swedish guy and post it online like he made it up. [Uproxx]