Jeter moistened the pinstriped panties of many ladies at Yankees Stadium last Saturday, after he became just the second player in history to hit a home run for his 3,000th hit. The other player was Wade Boggs, who did it while playing for his 19th team.

Lopez made a guest appearance in the YES booth during the next game to talk about how a guy his size was able to stop a few guys one-third of his size from sort of trying to take the ball away from him. But cynicism aside, good for Lopez, and hopefully nobody will write “F*ck Face” on his baseball card.