Best: Mark Henry is Running
Okay, so no, seriously, Rambi from Donkey Kong Country Returns
TELL ME Big Show didn’t look like one of those ashtray-headed guys spinning off the stage to his doom when Henry came out of the shadows and pounced him into that secondary stage of cardboard boxes and blankets. That’s one of the things I love so much about Mark Henry — sure, he’s the world’s strongest man, but that can be faked with some rubber pipes and phony dumbells. What you can’t fake is that he is a terrifying fat f**king Predator running at you. If an actual rhinoceros was charging at me I would say “wait, what’s going on, what’s happening”, but the second Mark Henry emerged from his dimension of darkness like goddamn Dagger I would say “oh sh:t” and start running. He is legitimately terrifying when he’s scowling and shouting and running, and that should be his resting state.
Lying on the stunt floor cuddling with The Big Show and then hobbling off making me think he’s hurt himself again should not be his resting state. This should be John Morrison’s resting state.
In a related Best, my resting state should be with John Morrison’s swinger girlfriend after her appearance at Wizard World Austin.
Worst: Pretty Sure McIntyre Just Got Hassan’d
There were a lot of “Bests” to come out of the Big Show handicap match segment. Big Show running after people and tackling them to the ground to punch them to death is a best. So is Dolph Ziggler making it through a softball handicap match loss without getting beaten up or losing anything. However, two handicap matches in one show gets a giant “Worst”, and so does Drew McIntyre getting the Muhammad Hassan treatment.
For those of you who don’t remember, Hassan was an Arab-American character who opened his mouth as a progressive character and a statement of xenophobia, and by the time he finished his first sentence he was an evil Sand N-Word terrorist from Derkaderkastan. He tried to have Undertaker killed by terrorists on the same day actual terrorists tried to kill people (which is every day), and they wrote him off by having Undertaker Last Ride him through a stage. He went back to his home planet, and died on his way there.
I got a similar feeling from Drew watching him get insulted by Vince McMahon, beaten into oblivion by Big Show and gored off a stage onto Actual Floor by Mark Henry. I think McIntyre is one of the most talented guys they have, and while he is clearly an attractive man I do not want to stick him at Wizard World Austin, I want him on Raw (or at least Superstars) putting on great (at least good) matches with John Cena (at least Goldust).