Worst: Kingston Versus Ziggler Again. Really. You’re Seriously Doing This. Kingston and Ziggler. Again. Really. You’re Really Doing This Match Again.
From last week’s Best and Worst of Raw.
I’m not kidding. If they wrestle again, an entire page of Best and Worst is just going to be curse words and a picture of me taking a sh:t on my television.
I’m just starting to make a name for myself with these, so I might as well keep my promises.
sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t
sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t sh:t goddammit and bastard
STOP DOING THIS
I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS
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Nailed it.
exacta-fucking-mundo
Best promo since Heyman went off on Vince the Smackdown before Survivor Series ’01. Well done Brandon.
Enjoy your newfound Puro addiction, little Jimmys of the world. Hope you weren’t planning on getting anything done for the next 10 years.
Is this a joke? I don’t get it.
@slimJim – It is. “Critical” didn’t actually flash across the screen when Kelly applied her Boston Crab. Sorry for the confusion.
I’ve been hitting refresh since I woke up this morning waiting for this.
Reading your insight into Punk makes me realize that his promo may have been to WWE what Crisis on Infinite Earths was to DC Comics.
All I’ve seen from the show is THAT promo so far, but I definitely need to sit down and watch the rest of it for Mark Henry being hilarious, Bourne/Cara and maybe Kelly Kelly: Submission Master.
This is yet another great article, maybe one of my favourite Best/Worst posts. The stuff about the Punk segment and everything of that nature is perfect, and the other parts are hilarious.
Also: the Ziggler/Kofi section was brilliant. I perversely want ANOTHER rematch to see how you react to that.
I still maintain that apart from her trying to work out iambic pentameter with forced syllabic emphasis, Maryse’s accent was pretty much gone. Like she either forgot to do it or dropped it on purpose, and punISHment only slipped in by accident.
@Greene – My theory is that she was talking to Alberto in a more casual voice, which wouldn’t amplify her accent as strongly as if she were speaking into a microphone, or to a large group of people. My voice does that. Also, she was next to Mr. Accent Alberto Del Rio, so she’s not going to sound as affected.
So the biggest shame of me missing the Matt Classic family photo is that I don’t get to be on the Best and Worst of Raw.
I think the best part of your reports is how neatly you tie everything into a bow. It’s getting to be that I hardly find myself really pushing to watch Raw anymore, because I can just read this this next day, and you’ll have everything into perfect perspective with Dragon Gate jokes (they’re workin’ for me just fine.)
So awesome. And you hit the nail on the head with Punk. CRITICAL!
Been waiting for this since I saw the clip on the internets last night. I’ll be interested to see where they do take this (although not so interested as to actually watch–I’ll still be happy to wait until Best & Worst comes out every Tues.)
@Jacktion! – Me too. I stayed up late to watch it again. Best time I’ve had on Raw since the Hart Foundation reformed in 1997.
Last night, and today while waiting for this, I found mys elf having the same thought you wrote about: that Punk’s promo was awesome because it made people who don’t talk wrestling talk wrestling. And with stuff like Twitter, you can watch people like Traina or even Simmons go “Whoa, this Punk guy” while people who really follow it freak the fuck out because someone’s hearing us. So, some credit to WWE for at least acknowledging the minority opinion, and some credit to Vince for letting Punk say the company would be better off if he was dead. ‘Cause shit yeah.
And B, after last week I said I could handle another Kofi/Dolph rematch because they tend to have good matches with each other, and I can live with that. I was wrong. It’s not their fault, I can only imagine finding new ideas for a match with those two at this point is completely impossible. And Mark Henry was awesome last night.
The best moment of the night for me was during the Evan Bourne-Sin Cara ridiculous no count-outs match when Lawler congratulated the ref (Zapata) for not starting a ten count when the wrestlers left the ring. This came on the heels of Zapata mistakenly calling for the bell before Justin Roberts could announce the stipulation and Roberts ended up walking around the ring like he was lost in a fog.
If A-Ri starts hitting second rope Riley 555s on people, I’m sold. Hell, I’d settle for a Muscular Bomb.
@Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer – What’re the chances of him doing that and Cole calling it “Riley Five Five Five” instead of the proper “Riley Fives”?
By the way, in case anybody is wondering, that is my actual downstairs toilet. I didn’t just google image search “television in toilet”.
although i probably should have
Great writeup. You credit the writers for the promo but at the same time I imagine very nearly all of what Punk says is written by him. Still a great angle and it’s amazing that they are trusting Punk with this.
Yes that Kelly picture is very funny.
I can’t focus on a robust comment when I have to scroll past that Kate Upton article image. Great post as usual!
I got so excited that I tweeted to CM Punk. Very out of character for me since I do what I can to hide the fact that I watch this stuff.
Most definitely a worked shoot, but what a worked shoot. Holy crap. Smark heads exploding all over the Internet. And yeah, it’s not just what was said, but how it was said, and Punk killed it. Amazing.
@Dr. Awesomus – Did you read that thing I wrote at the end about the Internet and saying “worked shoot”
Also: I see HBK’s presence and opening segment as a handing over of the WWE tradition of fucking with “reality” to Punk. My $.02.
So … you should really clean your toilet.
@Brandon — sorry.
/goes to timeout
Is it odd that I haven’t watched wrestling in 15 years but I love reading this section every week? I don’t care if what CM Punk did was real or not; The fact that we’re even discussing it shows how well it was delivered. A complete breath of fresh air after years of stagnant performances.
I often fantasize that if Colt would have just went to WWE when Bryan Danielson did that he could have been on NXT and Punk could have been his mentor and NXT wouldn’t have sucked as bad. Then he would have been apart of Nexus and he’d still have a job today. In this scenario we probably wouldn’t have the Art of Wrestling or the amazing Classic/Darkness Crabtree pairing, but it’d probably be worth it.
in regards to Jeff Jarrett, let us not forget he was the man at a Survivor Series many many years ago who took a Chuck norris boot to the head outside of a Yokozuna/Undertaker casket match. and he sold the living fuck out of it, or chuck would have really let him have it
The mic being cut off and the show cutting to black was so nicely done. That whole clip is almost enough to make me watch wrestling again.
Best line I heard regarding Raw had nothing to do with Punk. Rob Naylor called Kelly Kelly’s submission the “Boston Crabs caught from pissing in a sink.” GOLD.
Also, it can’t be stressed enough how much Punk fucking destroyed that promo. Look, while we get that it was a work, the fact is that no other wrestler alive right now could’ve cut that promo with the same amount of effectiveness and general fucking brilliance as Punk. Was he catering to Smarks? Obviously. But was he saying anything that wasn’t true? No. And that’s what makes a REALLY good heel, being an asshole and yet saying shit that’s true.
And just wait till the Little Jimmys discover Kota Ibushi. There will be a full generation of males who don’t lose their virginity until age 25+.
I’m thoroughly convinced he straps on a fake beard and is a relief pitcher for the SF Giants. Only an imbecile would think one second of that is real. He most likely went backstage and high fived Vince.
I think I’m spoiled to have been around your wrestling writing for so many years friend. Well done. I always wanna say each week that this was the best B&W. Thanks for putting my handsome mug up.
LOL I WENT BACK AND READ THIS, I WIN.