Worst: Keith Stone
Remember when Robert Wuhl showed up on Nitro as Arliss, and he wasn’t Robert Wuhl, he was supposed to be actually Arliss? That’s the vibe I got when Keith Stone showed up for no reason alongside the Bella Twins, who were also showing up for no reason. What’s next, a run-in from the “we’re GUYS and we’ve got to GET READY” shampoo commercial guy? One of those shitty CGI babies from the Gerber Generation?
The only thing that would’ve made a Keith Stone appearance bearable would’ve been Stone Cold Steve Austin stunning everybody and doing his call for beers thing, and then we zip over to the timekeeper’s table and Keith Stone is there with a case of Keystone tossing them out. We reveal that Keith Stone has always been there, and the reason he gets women despite looking like Bill Paxton in a fake mustache is because he’s been clearing big dollar WWE paychecks for the last 15 years.
Best, I Guess: Bourne? Again?
Evan Bourne wrestled Jack Swagger. The end!
Best: Booker Thinks That’s Actually Obama, Doesn’t He
Back to Reggie the Racist Fake President, I actually laughed out loud when Booker T tried to get his attention by yelling HOMEY, HOMEY over the microphone. He brought Faux-bama back into the ring and listed off a bunch of his accomplishments (I was seriously expecting the WWE universe to boo the “first black man to be President” line), so either Booker thought that was shoot Barack Obama, or he’s like the blind Klansman from “Chapelle’s Show” and just hangs out with Vince McMahon, coming up with ways to say “black folks is stupid” on television. I’m going to go with the less racist sounding one, as soon as I figure out which one sounds less racist.
Worst: The Racist Republican-a-Roonie
ugh
Okay, Reggie Brown is a worse American than Sergeant Slaughter. In one week the guy has made Kim Kardashian jokes about Barack Obama’s mom to a room of hooting Republicans and had the black President breakdance to a bored wrestling crowd. I expect him to take off the hair and wipe his face and be Jamie Kennedy. Or Howie Mandel. Or SOMEBODY doing this as a Borat-style rib on America.
But no, it’s just Barack Obama breakdancing. It’s just… Barack Obama breakdancing.
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Huss! Thanks for the summary!
“shave her little burgeoning mohawk and pay her thousands of dollars to spear the water bra off of Kelly Kelly once a week.”
If the WWE isn’t willing to do this I’m sure porn industry will be.
YAYYYYYY
*reads recap of what sounds like a pretty depressing show*
BOOOOOOO
also where did you find that pic of that internet man
*the porn industry…
Thank you so much for a reference to The Foreigner.
Yeah the R-Truth thing is pretty spot on. For as excited as he has been outside the ring his in ring performance hasn’t been getting better and at the end of the day it has to if he’s going to go anywhere. You don’t hide people with the belt.
That Obama stuff sounded so terrible. The McMahons and politics are always terrible together.
@Ragingape — McMahons + politcs = awful, but that’s a subset of McMahons + comedy = awful. Vince is the guy with no sense of humor who insists on telling jokes. Hey, entertainer guy, entertain me by putting on good wrestling matches, not by making fart noises.
I’m going to comment more when I’ve watched some of the show (the recap is awesome but doesn’t really inspire me to watch the whole thing) but I will say now that CZW’s ‘Family Dollar employees stab each other with bulb shards’ is amazing.
Bethesda, MD is the tits. Though I now think you’re rich, seeing as how I could never afford to live in Bethesda, MD.
That’s a sweet Moe Howard haircut on Cap’n YouTube up there.
1. Great article. Happy to know you didn’t spend the $50. We were probably watching the same feed.
2. The crowd was God awful. It was way more annoying than Faux-bama and Keith Stone. Wait… no Keith Stone walking towards the ring was still way more annoying.
3. Would have preferred Maryse cut the same promo than Barett, because even though I still wouldn’t have cared what the subject was, just watching her walk and talk would have been worth $5 of the $50. (You can call me Sexual Brownie)
4. Thank you for blasting fat ass living in their parents basement guy. At first when I started reading web articles, I wanted to be that guy. But than I realized I wanted a life, and make money, and have sex, and find out you got an std from that check who you thought might have a had something, and than die. (What a terrible path). I’ll stick to reading your article only when I’m on my break at my job.
5. Let’s be honest, this PPV could have been last week’s 3 hour RAW.
5. Last, I want to know, how does one start a ‘#RyderOrRiot’ Riot. Not order a PPV? Or watch RAW? Oh wait, WWE is doing a pretty good job at making us do that right now.
Botchamania RULES! End.
“I hope Raw features R-Truth calling that kid out and beating the hell out of him. You touch the wrestlers, you gon get GOT.”
Best article punchline yet, I cracked up like a loon.
Why do I have a feeling this Zack Ryder thing is going to turn out like that Matt Hardy thing, or that Daniel Bryan thing—the people chant like crazy for the WWE to bring them in and/or do something with them, and when they finally do, the people stop caring, because nobody’s being screwed anymore.
i think i just read somewhere that zeke just became an american citizen. we stole hakeem olajiwon, why can’t we steal him?
@Paul: I would argue that what Ryder has (a personality), both Hardy and Bryan lacked.
This needs to happen for SmackDowns.
To me the biggest problems with rating matches is the granulated star scale. What makes 3 3/4 better than 3 1/2? Can anyone tell the difference? The way it’s designed is specifically for guys like the one in your picture to feel way more important than they are.
I like reviewing things and am not opposed to any scores, but giving individual matches ratings also ignores the fact that you aren’t buying Undertaker/HBK individually no matter how good it may have been. You watch the show as a whole.
IN CONCLUSION i thought capitol punishment was a 3 out of 5 nyah
not gonna lie I wanted the people near the entrance ramp to throw their shit at racist fake president guy and boo him out of the arena, but I guess what he did the prior night wasn’t well-known.
Ugh. McMahon’s “clever” attempts at political humor have always made him look like more of an assclown than anything. The bad part is I actually feel more stupid for having watched it.
It’s pretty obvious he doesn’t have much respect for the average wrestling fan’s intelligence, but at least keep the goddamn politics out of it.
I personally could not agree more, if CM Punk leaves, I think I may follow him.
I had no idea who Keith Stone was and was dumbfounded by his sudden appearance. I figured he was some kind of famous because the Bellas were attached to him, but my guess was that he was part of some band I didn’t know about. So he’s a dude in a beer commercial? Huh.
@sebastian – Yep, he’s the low rent Caucasian Old Spice Guy