If you don’t watch pro wrestling, you’re missing out on athletic moments like this, when a Hawaiian Tropic model jumps in the air and takes down one half of a set of twins with nothing but her crotch and gravity. Two other things you’re missing: fake fighting, and my weekly Best and Worst reports about Raw. This week’s was pretty good, and if I don’t shill it to people who don’t like wrestling, I’m never going to have someone get upset about my “Mark David Chapman shot on John Lennon” joke.
Sports
The Best and Worst of Raw: Power to the People - For those of you who read Best and Worst, I’m looking for some survey feedback. Should I do more of these? Cover Smackdown or maybe (gasp) Impact Wrestling presents IMPACT? Maybe Best and Worst of older shows? Would anybody read that? [With Leather]
Dana White Loves Sunglasses, Prince Valiant Haircuts - In the event that you hate wrestling too much to even laugh at it, here’s a bunch of pictures of the President of Ultimate Fighting Championship looking like a member of my family in 1978. [Cage Potato]
Vancouver Riots Kissing Couple on ‘The Today Show’ - If the Internet had been around 70 years ago, that kissing sailor would’ve been dissected for patriarchal normativism (or whatever) and put on every Flour Brand Presents Radio Hour in the country. I just wanted the guy to be like “I saw they was breaking stuff, and I just got so horny”. [Uproxx]
Jack McKeon is Old - He sure is! Read all about it! That old guy, I mean honestly! [Pineriders]
Not Sports
Christina Hendricks as Wonder Woman? - I hate to be the one to say it, but for as cool as Joan is, an nonathletic 36-year old with huge boobs is not the ideal Wonder Woman. At the same time, neither are those waifish plastic surgery cases like Megan Fox people are always suggesting. For once, give me a “butt kicking heroine” who actually looks and acts like she could kick someone’s butt. [Gamma Squad]
Insane Clown Posse Will Sue You If You Make Fun of Them - F**king litigation, how does it work? I’m surprised that anybody who booked Vampiro to wrestle at their clown-themed rap music soda convention for like ten years can do anything more complex than flail around in their own urine. [Uproxx]
This Week in Statutory Everything - Percy Wetmore from The Green Mile marries a pop singing 16-year old who looks like the hooker with the saggy boobs from “Futurama”. I mean, I believe she’s 16, I just don’t believe IT. [Warming Glow]
Paul Blart: Zookeeper Rocks the Rom-Com Lean - That lean is the number one way to keep me from seeing your movie. For about five years I thought Matthew McConaughey grew up in Yogi’s Cave and just walked around leaning like the Smooth Criminal all day. [Film Drunk]
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SURVEY TYME:
Smackdown — sure! why not. If it wouldn’t put you out. I mean, more is usually better.
IMPACT — Here’s the exception to the “more is usually better” rule!! Senior citizens fighting new-NWA breakouts for filthy energy money and stories that are WCW retreads. I would never, in good conscience, ask you to do that for any reason, not even your sports comedy blog.
Survey:
Smackdown! – YES! I mean, I start watching Smackdown! half drunk so it will help to put the whole in a better perspective.
Impact Wresting – Man, I have not had the stomach to watch since the Jeff Hardy / Sting fiasco. I agree with the Doctor, no one deserves to go through that punishment on a weekly basis and then be forced to relive it.
Agreed with the good Doctor on both counts. WWE is probably the most ripe for comedy; watching IMPACT PRESENTS IMPACT is more of a guarantee that after like six weeks you’ll never want to recap a wrestling show again.
I’d read a “Best and Worst of Dragon Gate USA,” too, but I doubt that puts me in any sort of majority.
Survey: More isn’t necessarily better. RAW B&W + PPV B&W is great the way it is. I think the frequency you’ve got going is just right.
Survey Time:
Smackdown – Hell I’ll read it, you usually talk about the Smackdown guys when they are on 3 hour RAW or PPV.
IMPACT – Maybe for PPV only but I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to do a Best & Worst of seeing how the only Best will be Eric Young.
As for older shows – Maybe some shows that people may not be familiar of and it features something that you think wrestling fans should check out.
I would read anything you write about wrasslin.am eagerly awaiting best worst of awa challenge series
@Baollis – I would write the shit out of that, and you know it.
NO! For the love of god stop covering the stupid fake wrestling garbage!
I’d definitely be interested in a Smackdown Best/Worst. I love the RAW and PPV stuff, so put me in the more is better camp.
I vote a hearty no on Impact, that show is brutal.
Older stuff could be fun, only if you alternate between classic and “classic”. Like, Wrestlemania 3, and then a Best of WWF 96 VHS. I require your insight on Duke the Dumpster Drosse.
@Yoda – Give the latest Best and Worst a try, it’s not just a puff piece about wrestling or a recap of what happened, I’m actually trying to be funny and entertaining.
@Trent Cole Train – I’m very close to doing a Best and Worst of Unforgiven 2005 after picking it up for a dollar at Half Price Books.
@Yoda — pfft, like baseball isn’t fake.
Survey: Yes, obviously.
B/W is my only source of news on pro wrestling so I have no idea what is going on on Smackdown. WHAT IS THE GREAT KHALI UP TO BRANDON???
@Phil – He’s beating people up at the command of Jinder Mahal, a guy whose name should be an easy pun, but I just can’t seem to make it.
That is pretty frustrating actually yes
I’d love to see a Smackdown B&W, and I think an Impact B&W would be entertaining exactly once.
I would happily read ANY Best and Worst you wrote up. Your B&W of Raw on Tuesdays is usually the highlight Raw on Monday nights.
I would go for a Smackdown recap, or some good Attitude-era reviews.
But more than anything, I vote for bringing back the old Vintage Promos column from Fanhouse. Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer for the gat-damn win.
I just wanted the guy to be like “I saw they was breaking stuff, and I just got so horny”
I lulz’d
Hey yo, it’s survey time:
You should totally do a Best and Worst: Smackdown edition.
I would skip the TNA Impact watching altogether. We wouldn’t want you to burn out of writing these things, thus making your B&W’s seem like a chore. Keep us wanting more.
As someone who hasn’t watched Impact in 4 years, but hears about what’s going on from friends once in a while, I’d stay away from Impact with a 10 foot poll in general.
I religiously read your wrasslin updates… I’ve been reading With Leather for a loong while now and I am really enjoying the addition of pro wrestling to the fold. I can’t bring myself to watch pro graps anymore (as a teenager, I would be front row at ECW shows on the regular, and I wrote about Raw and Nitro for a Geocities wrestling site, and when I moved to Chicago I attended a few ROH shows). I did catch an RVD-Joe match on iMPACT (sigh) last night, which would have had me marking out five years ago, and last night made me feel very unnerved. I mean, RVD can pin Samoa Joe with a frogsplash? AS IF. So I love it. I miss when I truly cared about pro wrestling/when pro wrestling was doing something worth caring about. Go Bryan Danielson, Go CM Punk, is all I can manage anymore. Let me know if you need a lady to write some crap about pro wrestling. Punte knows I’m good for it.
Here’s a vote for the “Best and Worst of RAW” to keep going just as it is … Keep up the good work, B!
Survey-
I would read all three of them, but I’m not sure enough happens on smackdown. TNA would be nothing but worsts but I’d be interested in reading how you interpret what they’re doing
Survey: FUCK AND YES to both. Your reviews are awesome man, keep up the good work