David Tyree Gay Anarchy

Former New York Giants receiver David Tyree once helped win a Super Bowl by pressing a football into his head as he fell down. In a first paragraph that will hopefully get me a job writing for CNN (or at least the Sporting News), Tyree is now holding something else to his head: the promise that gay marriage will lead to a state of lawlessness. Okay, that sounded catchier in my head. If the New York State Assembly approves a same-sex marriage bill, Tyree is promising anarchy.

In an interview with Food Network show “NOM”, Tyree “casts down his crown” and “stands up for marriage” because that whole giant part of the Bible where it says you should love people and stop judging people isn’t as important as saying stupid things on the Internet.

As a blogger, it’s obviously not my job to tell people what’s wrong or right or how they should feel about things. Tyree’s job was to run fast and catch a football, which has even less to do with judgmental proclamations than sports blogging. But since one guy’s doing it, I might as well play along:

“You can’t teach something that you don’t have,” Tyree said in the video. “So two men will never be able to teach a woman how to be a woman.”

It is not justifiable to alter a long-standing institution “because a minority — an influential minority — has … an agenda,” he said.

It’s like Lego blocks, one side’s got prongs, the other’s got holes, you can’t build things with Legos with prongs on both sides!

At the risk of Fire Joe Morganning this entire thing (and without any sort of agenda to speak of), I hope Tyree will be able to one day appreciate the nicer, more constructive aspects of Christianity without being one of those guys who ruin it for everybody. And hey, if the bill gets passed and I’m fleeing down a city street being chased by a gang of gay hoodlums in a Mad Max car, I’ll print a retraction.