The Texas Rangers have been one of my favorite teams for almost as long as I’ve been a fan of baseball. The best part about the Rangers is that they’re completely alright with handling bags of explosives. Every major dickhead I’ve ever come to love has decked out in the blue or red then blue again then red again then blue again. Even Elvis Andrus alternate bp warmups are retro!

The Rangers’ most recent fireworks display comes in the form of 23 year-old Leonys Martin. He defected from Cuba in 2010 for the opportunity to escape communism. Or he caught wind of Fatburger and is hoping for a trade to the Dodgers before he retires to sunny, breezy communist torture-jail.

Please enjoy today’s Dugout. I sure hope Ron Washington doesn’t know what the internet is.

The Dugout

	**Online Host** Welcome to the Don’t Mess With Texas! Chatroom.
	ThisLandIsMoreland: Sweet mercy, it’s been hours. Where is this guy?
	ThisLandIsHolland: It’s been 45 minutes and Skip said they’d be here any minute. Put on your happy face, we’re acquainting this merfuga.
	ThisLandIsMoreland: I’m hungry.
	ThisLandIsHolland: Eat some sunflower seeds.
	ThisLandIsMoreland: Seriously man? These are just salty female sex buttons. I may as well eat movie theatre popcorn.
	ThisLandIsHolland: What sex organ is popcorn?
	ThisLandIsMoreland: ( _ )*( _ )
	ThisLandIsHolland: Awwhawww how’d I miss that.
	**Online Host** BoomBoomWashington has entered the chatroom. **Online Host** YouCantHideYourLeonys has entered the chatroom.
	BoomBoomWashington: hey guys, sorry we’re late. Leonys here wanted to see Cowboys Stadium.
	YouCantHideYourLeonys: place es stupid
	BoomBoomWashington: he kicked a soccer ball into the big screen and got kicked out. anyway, welcome to Rangers!
	ThisLandIsMoreland: Derrr it’s "The" Rangers, "Smokin’" Joe Frazier’s Decayed Corpse. Somebody get this old fool a new hippocampus
	YouCantHideYourLeonys: ha swag
	BoomBoomWashington: I was hoping you two could show young Mr. Martin here a good time tonight. Take in some of the local nightlife, you know?
	ThisLandIsHolland: You know I don’t like cocaine, Coach.
	BoomBoomWashington: then take him to a poetry reading or something I don’t care. just make sure he doesn’t get shipped back to The Motherland’s bastard aunt.
	ThisLandIsHolland: Sure thing, Skip.
	BoomBoomWashington: I hate you when you call me that.
	ThisLandIsHolland: I know.
	**Online Host** BoomBoomWashington has left the chatroom.
	YouCantHideYourLeonys: lets get retardo
	ThisLandIsMoreland: …
	ThisLandIsHolland: …
	ThisLandIsHolland: …do you have any blow?
	**Online Host** AllAboutTheHamiltons has entered that chatroom!
	ThisLandIsHolland: … Should we…? uh…
	AllAboutTheHamailtons: yep
	**Online Host** ThisLandIsMoreland, ThisLandIsHolland have left the chatroom.
	AllAboutTheHamiltons: so, youre from cuba?
	YouCantHideYourLeonys: si
	AllAboutTheHamiltons: /straightens face
	YouCantHideYourLeonys: /breaks out the goods
	**Online Host** BoomBoomWashington has sprinted back into the chatroom!
	BoomBoomWashington: Yes! Cuban defectors!
	BoomBoomWashington: you brought 30 million in dander dollars right?
	YouCantHideYourLeonys: that was el deal
	BoomBoomWashington: nice
	AllAboutTheHamiltons: i love you skip
	YESWayJose: hey i heard you need cuban defectives

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