Best: Ricardo Rodriguez and Alberto Del Rio’s Reaction To Him
Raw’s opening segment (once again reinforcing the kayfabe idea that the Raw general manager doesn’t make any matches before the show and just waits for a bunch of guys to walk out when it starts and throw out some challenges … there’s like a huge single-file line of guys waiting to start off the show, but Ryder and Kaitlyn always show up late and never get on the show … also, if nobody starts off the show with a challenge, the Raw GM sends Michael Cole an e-mail that says RAW ROULETTE or BATTLE ROYAL FOR NOTHING) was fun. Alberto Del Rio and his personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez continue to be a wonderful part of my wrestling program, especially now that their dynamic is evolving past “rich guy and his employee employed for arrogant purposes.”
Del Rio is easily the best addition to WWE programming in the last few years, and he’d win that if he never wrestled and just stood in the ring winking and making faces at people. Watching him get surprised, then turn and start clapping his hands with a big smile on his face when Ricardo interrupted the Miz with ALBERTOOOO DEEEEEEL RRRRRRIOOOO was tops. I love that Del Rio really seems to like Ricardo, and claps for him like he’s a disaffected parent with a talented child. It’s sort of like Lisa Simpson telling Snowball to “be the baby” for Nelson Muntz. And then he did this!
Ricardo Rodriguez is money, and until Archibald Peck ends up WWE Champion (and it will happen) he’s my favorite CHIKARA-alumni success story.
Best: John Morrison is Dead, So Let’s Forget About Him Forever
The best wrestling news of the week is that John Morrison was parkouring across the street and got murdered by an oncoming bus, simultaneously ending his life and disproving his parkour “overcome any obstacle in front of you” philosophy. Then I checked my facts (thanks a lot, Bleacher Report) and found out he was having neck surgery and would be out for a long time, which is also okay. I’m not happy that a human being is going through so much pain, but I am extremely happy that fictional character John Morrison assumedly broke his own neck a la the Joker in The Dark Knight Returns by flipping his hair out of the way after the attack on last week’s Raw. Maybe Morrison can learn to squirm around through some handrails while he’s in a wheelchair.
I’m hoping the rehabilitation process involves Morrison telling Melina that it’s okay if she wants to have sex with Mason Ryan, he understands, because he can’t really move. And then she looks up from Mason Ryan’s lap and is all “I’m sorry honey did you say something.”
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“Dolph Ziggler starts swimming around in it like he’s some sort of perverse Jersey Shore Scrooge McDuck. I made a joke about Ziggler looking like Evan Bourne with his new haircut, but no, last night he looked like f**king Tigger. All he needed to do was hit the Zig Zag on Santino and yell THAT’S WHAT ZIGGLERS DO BEST!”
…every single part of that is hilarious.
Another hilarious Best/Worst, especially early on with the trope examinations.
“Imma kick your cat” is a reference to Jay-Z, if you didn’t catch it. Justify My Thug, I think.
Starting a petition to make WWE Champion Archibald Peck a real thing.
The faces everybody else in the ring made while Truth was doing his “hospital food” speech were great. The Miz legitimately looked like he wanted to interrupt him and ask what the hell he was rambling on about.
“I Don’t Write Best and Worst of Smackdown”
You should. You’re good at this stuff.
btw… you think Truth’s stuff is scripted, or do they just say… “grab the mic and be crazy”…?
@Mitch – I would, but we don’t update on Saturdays. I could do “best and worst of Smackdown spoilers,” but that’d be pretty assumptive. As for the Truth stuff, I think it’s one part “grab the mic and be crazy” and one part “Ron Killings isn’t sure how to insult people without cursing.”
I really enjoyed this but maybe that’s because I have always hated Kane.
A No Limit Soldiers joke! It’s my little brother’s birthday all over again!
So, who was Ricardo Rodriguez in CHIKARA?
@Brian – “Chimaera.” Hard to believe it’s the same guy. [www.youtube.com]
I was thinking the same thing when I saw Ziggler last night. He looked painful, and by painful I mean his tanning bed burn looked horrendous, and because his “new and improved Dolph Ziggler” facial expression makes him look like he just ate a flatbed full of John Morrison’s hospital food.
Also worst: why in the fuck did we have to watch Riley walk a mile and a half to get from the dressing room to the ring? If that was Truth he’d have stopped for a smoke.
Not only is the Miz from Cleveland rather than L.A., but he’s actually from Parma, which is a nice enough little suburb but chiefly a place where old Ukrainian men sit around in Denny’s and plot in their own language to take over the world.
A grand dismantling of a fairly ridiculous wrestling program, as always. Better than last week’s abortion though, I’d have to say.
it’s crazy when they have a guy like rodriguez (mediocre high-flier) and all they have him do is announce. reminds me of shawn daivari doing nothing with mohammad hassan doing all the work, and i’m pretty sure armando alejandro estrada was the same deal?
I want to remind Jericho that his only amazing storyline post-return was written by him and Shawn Michaels and had almost nothing to do with the howler monkeys in WWE Creative.
Brandon, you’ve disappointed me for the first time. I was expecting to read a “When a angry black man is talking, you shut it up” joke.
@David – I didn’t want to make him any angrier, I own a cat and love it very much.
Uh yeah, if I wasn’t married, I’d totally be a Beth Phoenix groupie.
Awww… I like Kane!
You have me actually interested in wrestling again. I tried to watch but your review is still more entertaining. Bonus for Fire Pro references. Which was your favorite Fire Pro? I played “D” the most and pretty much everything pales in comparison to its glory.
Anyone else notice in the segment when A Ri was talking to the Miz in the locker room, that his shirt was dirty? Then he barges out to call out Cena and his shirt is clean?
Little things like these make me realize that I should start paying attention to the NBA playoffs instead.
I would give anything to have Shawn Daivari back on my television screaming in Arabic. It’s possibly my favorite gimmick of all time…
A+ coverage of the wrasslin’ show!
See, what I like about your style overall, Bran-man, is that you drop in a Wire reference when appropriate, whereas a drooling moron masquerading as a sportswriter might craft an entire sports op-ed piece around quotes from The Wire. But that would just be crazy!
I was a fan of A-Ri’s endless walk to the ring. I bet Kevin Dunn was screaming “Gahdammit thish ish takin too long!”
Lot of sites are giving this Raw bad reviews, but I had a blast watching it. Squash match after squash match, followed by a cool main event.
Being in the business, I’ve gotta tell you, love these recaps. (and the Homocide/Danielson title change, wasn’t a fan when we did that either)
@Kyle – Thank you, that means a hell of a lot to me. People in the business reading the recaps and not thinking I’m full of shit is the best. And yeah, I knew the Homicide thing was coming when it happened, but I was so sad. I’m such a Dragon fanboy, you can see me on like a quarter of the DVDs during his title reign, screaming and cheering like an idiot for him.
Okay, that backstage segment between Miz and Alex Riley was giving off serious Smithers/Mr. Burns vibes. Will The Miz ever realize that A-Ri loves him?