Best: Sheamus and Daniel Bryan Get a Make-Up Game
It wasn’t the most thrilling match, but Sheamus and Bryan got to do a quick version of what I will still assume was an epic 25 minute Wrestlemania Savage and Steamboat contest on Raw. They got to debut their new gear, which I am lame enough to want to devote like six “bests” to. Daniel Bryan got a fancy ring jacket, Sheamus got amazing red, white and blue United States Champion gear, and Daniel Bryan got to look like orange-ass Randy Orton standing next to Sheamus. So… let me see how I can phrase this.
Best: Everything about this, including clothes and Mistico
Worst: This was not the entire show
Worst: Hey Crowd, Do You Think These Strangers Are Tough Enough
WWE crowds are starting to do this weird thing where nobody new is accepted. It’s why guys like Alberto Del Rio or Daniel Bryan have trouble getting over despite being great at what they do. People have been beaten to death with the Ryan Braddocks and Braden Walkers and Vance Archers of the world that when a WWE ring fills up with 20 douchebags in dress shirts and lady jeans, they expect the worst. Compared to other times when this has happened, last night’s “introduce yourself in the most awful way you can think of” fest wasn’t the worst, but it certainly wasn’t something I wanted to spend ten minutes on.
I wonder what it’s like to get a developmental deal like this?
You: “Hi, I’m the new guy.”
WWE: “Are you a man or a woman?”
You: “Uh, a man. My name is Joe.”
WWE: “Your name is Starden Craid and you have known your whole life that you are beautiful, a future WWE champion and better than each and every one of these people. Here is your baggy dress shirt, go out there and awkwardly smirk.”
And then you just kinda have to wrestle Santino a lot and hope it works out. If you’re a woman, the last part reads “be a bitch, get implants, learn a DDT.” Your name is still Starden Craid.
Best: Yeah, But Austin
I turn into a total hypocrite talking about Steve Austin, because I hate Rocky singing the classics, but could watch Austin mudhole/Lou Thesz/elbow drop/stunner/alcoholism all day long. Seriously, I never get tired of it. They wouldn’t have started a “stun them all” chant if there wasn’t a chance Austin was going to stun them all. I enjoyed Austin vs. Riley more than I’ve enjoyed most matches on Raw this year.
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Don’t know how you can sit through a match with Sheamus, the glare off that pasty bastard is blinding.
Seriously though, he looks creepier than Goldust and Vicera combined. Never thought I’d say this about a pro wrestler, but that guy needs to hit the spray on tan harder.
I’m surprised they were able to find enough Valtrex to scrub the ring with in so short a time.
The best was when Miz called the afroed dude “Buckwheat”
ALSO, one thing to remember is that the WWE couldn’t be trusted to give us a money payoff for the EASIEST angle ever to give us a money payoff (Cole/Lawler). How am I going to trust them to give me a payoff for a 12 month build?
HEY GUYS ITS THE ROCK AND HES MAD
amazing
Oh yeah, did anyone else imagine Vince screaming in Booker’s headset to shut up when he remarked that John Morrison probably didn’t get all of Starship Pain?
@TH ha, yeah, at this point you know the production team sees Morrison setting up for Starship Pain and is all “sighhhhh shoot it from over Vickie’s shoulder.”
*has spikey hair*
*jobs to Great Khali*
Are you gonna tell me your favorite match DOESN’T feature Judah Friedlander as the world’s worst Joel Gertner?
Cena/Rock as a storyline is just the worst. The WM27 main event was DESTROYED to make way for the next year’s. No one is paying $60 to see an advertisement for 2012′s show.
@TH Yup. “Keep those details out of it, damnit!”
I’ve never seen the greatest match of all time before. Thank you for introducing me to it, I can die a happy man now.
The intro for Judah Friedlander was pretty damn funny though.
Now I’m a pretty patient guy,but who the hell is gonna care about the Cena/Rock beef a year from now? Cena should have told him “now or never”,and then punched him in the jaw. Also,Sin Cara’s debut was pretty sweet. It would be refreshing to see some more matches and downplaying all the in-ring trashtalk/backstage beef sessions. That shits gotten real old.
Orton/Mysterio/Punk/Rhodes was more than just mildly disappointing for me. I really Really REALLY wanted Cody to take a punt, just to solidify his imagined disfigurement. Also, not really mentioned, but Tough Enough is a lot better than I expected. Austin FTW.
It looked to me like there was almost a Shockmaster kick-off to Sin Cara – did he just barely clear the top rope, or actually skim it and not make a “smooth” dive?
The intro to this article is kind of the best thing ever.
Am I the only one who got fucking crazy chills when Miz+Cena ALMOST won the tag team belts right before facing off at wrestlemania? i thought that would have been awesome. I still want to see some superstaresque teams show up… Rock+Cena, Edge+Christian, Miz+Rhodes?/Punk?/Orton?
@BRandon: I think you cursed Stone Cold the other day. He dropped at least two beers. It looked like he couldn’t believe it was happening either, at least going by the look on his face toward the end of the segment.
Does nobody in WWE know any Spanish besides those announcers? Cole and Matthews constantly saying Sin Care-uh was annoying as hell. If you’re going to spend weeks marketing this new international superstar, don’t you think you should learn to pronounce his name correctly? Also, just go ahead and set Cole on fire. He doesn’t even do heel commentary well, since he doesn’t do it across the board. He just stays on Miz’s, Punk’s, and his own nuts the whole time. Lawler was the master, Cole doesn’t have a clue how to do this right.