Videos of overweight people showing irrational happiness are always fun to pass around, and that’s exactly why I’ve never made a sex tape. Seriously, how would I have any clue where that video would appear next? Oh sure, it works if you have a fantastic ass or you have no other redeemable talents whatsoever, but I’m a human being, dammit. I have opinions and stuff!

But conversely, I do not have courtside seats at Nets games, and that’s one of the reasons I’ll never be as awesome as this kid. He hasn’t been this excited since that new Dairy Queen opened up three blocks away from his house.

vid via Weed Against Speed.