For those of you who are new to The Dugout, each year we spend March writing “The Dugout: Spring Training.” We cover 30 teams in 30 days, and fans of the Pirates or the Astros get their one strip a year before we start calling Alex Rodriguez gay and Manny Ramirez stupid for seven months. With a March 15 end date set for FanHouse, I started 2011′s Spring Training in the middle of February, thinking it would give me time to get to everyone before I was outsourced. Out of nowhere, the Sporting News decided they wanted FanHouse to be incomprehensible and awful RIGHT AWAY, and March 15 became March 1.
Now that The Dugout is back in full swing on With Leather, we can pick back up where we left off. Today’s Spring Training is about the Twins, and it has nothing to do with Jim Thome being a member of the team and me wanting people to like these right away, swear to God.
So read, enjoy, and drop a comment. I love The Dugout fan community more than I love baseball itself (which is not a lot, apparently), so make your voices heard. Dugout got, after the break.
Welcome to the Minnesota Twins Spring Training 2011 Chatroom!
|DammannSaveTheEmpire: I’m glad the Twins are turning Japanese.|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: sank you, I’ve very happy to be on the team.|
|DammannSaveTheEmpire: oh, i’m sorry, is that what that means|
|DammannSaveTheEmpire: I thought it meant we were going to masturbating more|
ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau has entered the chatroom.
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: I’m sorry, what is this chatroom about again???|
|WordUpThome: AND REFERENCES TO THINGS. DO YOU REMEMBER THE STREET FROGS|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: then why are we talking about Japan?? haven’t we talked about japan enough|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: sorry, what|
|WordUpThome: WHO CAN DO HIP-HOP BETTER THAN A FROG CAN|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: I turn on the news and all I hear about is Japan this, Japan that. And now even the Twins are turning Japanese.|
|DammannSaveTheEmpire: /zips up pants|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: sorry, but what happened to Japan is karma|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: A couple hundred Japanese die in a tsunami and I’m supposed to feel bad? I can care less! I remember Pearl Harbor.|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Japan went crazy in WW2, snuck on us, killed millions and we never got them back|
|DammannSaveTheEmpire: aren’t you Canadian? It didn’t happen to you, and you never get anyone back|
|WordUpThome: WHO IS ABLE TO DO HIP-HOP BETTER THAN A FROG IS ABLE TO DO HIP-HOP|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: and hmmm you kill dolphins and whales and now the ocean got back at you, coincidence, I think not|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: it is completely unrelated and involves fault lines|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: it is completely related, God related it, God is an enormous dolphin and it is YOUR FAULT|
WordUpThome: STREET FROGS
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: and where were you guys when Hurricane Katrina happened, huh|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: private and personal donations from Japan totaled $13 million for Katrina aid|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: yeah, but I didn’t just know that, so how is it important?|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: you’re damning a nation because a few fishermen poach illegally. That’s like hating everyone who has ever played baseball because Kirby Puckett beat the ever loving dogshit out of his wife|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: did he die because God is ironic and choked him to death with an electrical cord, or because he’s a person and people have a lifespan and die|
ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Kirby Puckett didn’t die. He multiplied.
Figured you Asians would know a little thing or two about MATH.
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: why are white people so into being racist to Asians all of a sudden|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: not racist, just speaking the truth. Japs can’t handle it I guess! I mean, I say what I think to EVERYBODY, and if you-|
|DudeYerGettinADelmon: ay get out the way bitch|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Oh, sorry Mr. Young! Didn’t know I was standing in your way! "My bad!" heh.|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: no, I say what I want to all races, whether they can beat the hell out of me or not|
|WordUpThome: WHO HAS BEEN ABLE TO HIP-HOP|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: wait, sorry, I’m not sure what I just typed|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: hold on, my consciousness is bleeding, I am still more or less horribly concussed|
|WordUpThome: STROTE FROGS|
|ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: sorry, please ignore everything I typed. Man, what kind of an asshole would I be if I actually thought those things and didn’t just type them because my brain is dying|
|InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: lol I don’t know|