For those of you who are new to The Dugout, each year we spend March writing “The Dugout: Spring Training.” We cover 30 teams in 30 days, and fans of the Pirates or the Astros get their one strip a year before we start calling Alex Rodriguez gay and Manny Ramirez stupid for seven months. With a March 15 end date set for FanHouse, I started 2011′s Spring Training in the middle of February, thinking it would give me time to get to everyone before I was outsourced. Out of nowhere, the Sporting News decided they wanted FanHouse to be incomprehensible and awful RIGHT AWAY, and March 15 became March 1.
Now that The Dugout is back in full swing on With Leather, we can pick back up where we left off. Today’s Spring Training is about the Twins, and it has nothing to do with Jim Thome being a member of the team and me wanting people to like these right away, swear to God.
So read, enjoy, and drop a comment. I love The Dugout fan community more than I love baseball itself (which is not a lot, apparently), so make your voices heard. Dugout got, after the break.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to the Minnesota Twins Spring Training 2011 Chatroom! | |
 | DammannSaveTheEmpire: I’m glad the Twins are turning Japanese. |
 | InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: sank you, I’ve very happy to be on the team. |
| DammannSaveTheEmpire: oh, i’m sorry, is that what that means |
| DammannSaveTheEmpire: I thought it meant we were going to masturbating more |
| **Online Host** ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau has entered the chatroom. | |
 | ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: I’m sorry, what is this chatroom about again??? |
| DammannSaveTheEmpire: Baseball? |
 | WordUpThome: AND REFERENCES TO THINGS. DO YOU REMEMBER THE STREET FROGS |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: then why are we talking about Japan?? haven’t we talked about japan enough |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: sorry, what |
| WordUpThome: WHO CAN DO HIP-HOP BETTER THAN A FROG CAN |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: I turn on the news and all I hear about is Japan this, Japan that. And now even the Twins are turning Japanese. |
| DammannSaveTheEmpire: /zips up pants |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: sorry, but what happened to Japan is karma |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: how |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: A couple hundred Japanese die in a tsunami and I’m supposed to feel bad? I can care less! I remember Pearl Harbor. |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Japan went crazy in WW2, snuck on us, killed millions and we never got them back |
| DammannSaveTheEmpire: aren’t you Canadian? It didn’t happen to you, and you never get anyone back |
| WordUpThome: WHO IS ABLE TO DO HIP-HOP BETTER THAN A FROG IS ABLE TO DO HIP-HOP |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: and hmmm you kill dolphins and whales and now the ocean got back at you, coincidence, I think not |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: it is completely unrelated and involves fault lines |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: it is completely related, God related it, God is an enormous dolphin and it is YOUR FAULT |
| WordUpThome: STREET FROGS STREETED FROGS |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: and where were you guys when Hurricane Katrina happened, huh |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: private and personal donations from Japan totaled $13 million for Katrina aid |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: yeah, but I didn’t just know that, so how is it important? |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: you’re damning a nation because a few fishermen poach illegally. That’s like hating everyone who has ever played baseball because Kirby Puckett beat the ever loving dogshit out of his wife |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: did he die because God is ironic and choked him to death with an electrical cord, or because he’s a person and people have a lifespan and die |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Kirby Puckett didn’t die. He multiplied. Figured you Asians would know a little thing or two about MATH. |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: why are white people so into being racist to Asians all of a sudden |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: not racist, just speaking the truth. Japs can’t handle it I guess! I mean, I say what I think to EVERYBODY, and if you- |
 | DudeYerGettinADelmon: ay get out the way bitch |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: Oh, sorry Mr. Young! Didn’t know I was standing in your way! "My bad!" heh. |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: no, I say what I want to all races, whether they can beat the hell out of me or not |
| WordUpThome: WHO HAS BEEN ABLE TO HIP-HOP |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: wait, sorry, I’m not sure what I just typed |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: hold on, my consciousness is bleeding, I am still more or less horribly concussed |
| WordUpThome: STROTE FROGS |
| ZackAndMiriMakeAMorneau: sorry, please ignore everything I typed. Man, what kind of an asshole would I be if I actually thought those things and didn’t just type them because my brain is dying |
| InjuredMarioTsuyoshi: lol I don’t know |
| WordUpThome: STR |
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com
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![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/jean-machi-dugout-fart-2-180x141.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/manfume-jose-canseco-180x180.png)
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Considering Morneau is Canadian, I dont think he’d refer to what happened in pearl harbour as a happened to “us” thing…..
He would at least spell it “Harbour.”
That was actually part of the joke and I accidentally edited it out. It has been edited back in. Also, I don’t make any mistakes /shifty eyes
I missed JI
JIM THOME. So glad to see him back.
I think it’s a great sign that people are so excited to comment they don’t bother reading the strip in full.
Great work. Super excited to have these back.
Oops. Sorry didn’t see the update from B. My bad.
I wonder how much of the established Dugout mythology and continuity is going to carry over to any hypothetical people on this site that didn’t follow The Dugout before the move. How are they supposed to know the trials and history of LadyCop or know how to play spies?
god is an enormous dolphin. amazing.
This made me happy. I’ve been reading the dugout since 2005 and I have no intention of stopping any time soon.
P.S. Does anyone remember Baseball is Boring? Can we bring that back? I loved it.
@George Berry – Well, we have a Wikipedia entry, but it’s bad form to update it ourselves (plus I think that gets us deleted). So, hopefully some helpful soul will update it.
@destruction – Baseball is Boring was so much fun (and was so awful, and barely about baseball), I’d love to bring it back here.
This was awesome. Disappointed, though, by the lack of Destinos references.
I love jokes about Canadians, and I love Jim Thome. There isn’t anything not to like in this dugout.
“still more or less horribly concussed.” Thank you for bringing back The Dugout
Good to see ol’ Jim is still in fighting shape!
‘God is an enormous dolphin and it is YOUR FAULT’ is amazing. So is STROTE FROGS.
Great stuff, looking forward to getting back into the Dugout despite not knowing who a lot of the guys even are.
OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OV
OVER!
I have no idea what Jim Thome is like in real life, but I hope he’s at least a little like his character on here.
Well done. Seeing Delmon without him flipping bats at human targets didn’t even bother me. Just happy to see the Dugout alive.
I would love for more baseball is boring.
Oh my god, dude. I’m so glad the Dugout didnt go away.
I mean where else can I read about the life ( and wife ) beating ways of Kirby Puckett? He’s the reason I never collected baseball cards, because when I was a kid I bought two packs of cards and ended up with three Kirby Pucketts.
Also STREETED FROGS
I was all ready to turn on you for making Morneau an a-hole, and then you made a joke about his brain bleeding, and somehow it was all better.
My day–no, my YEAR–is officially made. I can now enjoy my vacation knowing the Dugout has returned. Now, who wants to play spies? :)
k what do spies do
I think what I like even more than Jim Thome Dugouts is that everybody feels compelled to make their own Jim Thome jokes in the comments. WELCOME BACK, DU
DUGOUT
It’s weird to think that a very intelligent argument against “karma is the reason for the tsunami” is in a webcomic about based balls, but The Dugout just happens to be a very intelligent webcomic about based balls. I can’t recommend this comic to enough people.
Whatever shall we do without 5 comments either referring to how the strip is stupid and unfunny or how one of the teams mentioned sucks without any attention paid to the strip whatsoever.
I have nothing more to add, but I saw I was supposed to comment, and I do as ordered by the great PECOTA.
This makes my day. I just turned Japanese over it
LOL! Great Job, Brandon! I really did LOL. Keep it up!
Oh man, this was hilarious. The utter decimation of this ridiculous “Japan Karma” thing that I just found out is a thing, coupled with Delmon coming in out of nowhere, and lovable ol’ Jim Thome. Awesome stuff.
and oh god, a bebes kids reference
I’m going to attempt to use this pun to help my dad remember how to pronounce Tsuyoshi. At the very least, it will get him closer than “the jap guy”.
There is a Bebe’s Kids reference in rational explanation on why the Japanese Karma thing. This is beautiful.
Wait, why are you writing at With Leather? Who is Fanhouse? What happened to Olive Garden? Sorry, haven’t been able to pay attention, been too busy reading your posts without reading your posts.
I’ve tried reading the Dugout backlogs from the very beginning a couple times, and it’s never worked out. Just too much (brilliant) content. I’ve recently started playing baseball (softball) for the first time in over a decade, so maybe this is karma from the god ocean that I just start reading here and do my best to keep up. I’ve never used RSS feeds, would RSS feeds work for this? What is an RSS feed?
Uh anyway, this was funny and I’m glad that there were no real antagonists in the end. I hate antagonists.
@Higgs Glad to be of service. People seemed to stop commenting about the screen names when we moved to AOL.
OMG! Nate Dammann! Thank you so much for putting my all-time favorite bullpen catcher in the Dugout! (Is he the first ever bullpen catcher to grace your wonderful chatroom?)
Thank you Mr. Stroud. Also, it’s a great thing that Firefox doesn’t horribly mangle the webpage like Fanhouse did.
And to the W/ Leather people if they’re reading — Thanks to you getting B on board, I’ve been reading a lot of other articles on here. Thanks.
I’m watching the return of Grandmaster Sexay on my DVR, and now JI
JIM THOME is talking about STREETED FROGS. Nate Dogg didn’t have a stroke, he just went peacefully knowing that hip-hop had reached its absolute peak.
Poor Morneau
I took my Manny the Torpedoes shirt out of storage in honor of the Dugout’s return. It’s a glorious day indeed. Ef a dumb Boston.
This was a great way to end the day. Every new to The Dugout will want to play spies in no time.
*everyone
With Leather commenter here. Being the baseball fan I am, and also a’hypothetical’ person who has (unfortunately)never read the Dugout…I must say…I am intrigued by your ideas, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
In conclusion WELCOME TO WITH LEA
LETHER.
/ Now do the Brewers.
Love your work, Mr. Stroud. Keep ‘em coming. Can’t wait to see PECOTA return.
I feel like a horrible person, because what ZachandMiriMakeaMorneau said about the ocean getting revenge on Japan made me lol for real. Awesome. Could have used a BOOM BITCH, but hey. Something to look forward to.
Jim Thome referencing things. He knows how to work the internet. A good veteran
KSK used to be my favorite Deadspinoff… but now With Leather has the Dugout, so competition is back on. Heart!
EET FROGS
for some reason the part of this that had me laughing out loud was “beat the ever loving dogshit out of his wife”
i feel like a shitty person for it, but you should feel pleased that your phrasings of words and images are inspiring the laughters!
well that and “and we never got them back” which is funnier by the second
I liked this! Good job.
ahahahaha we never got them back, why didn’t that part hit me before
The Dugout’s Back! Long live the Dugout!!
Took me most of the day, but “InjuredMarioTsuyoshi” is really great.
Sooo glad this is back.
Jim Thome irl is the nicest baseball player I’ve ever met. (Smiliest: Dennis Martinez)
This is a very offensive article. Not just to me, but to all baseball. Do not try to purport this schlock as real baseball reporting. Who has the ERA’s that matter? That is what I want to know.
great stuff. my favorite was “yeah, but I didn’t just know that, so how is it important?”
i feel that’s many peoples true feelings when presented information they were unaware of in an argument. but few will admit to it.
Wonderful! Glad to see the dugout back in action.
B, maybe you could pull out some classics from the archives, to help acclimate the newer viewers? I could just be being selfish though. I can’t tell.
PS God is an enormous dolphin. True story.
This years Tampa Rays Spring Training was great. How can it not be with appearances from Manny, Papi, and the proFF3ssor.
here’s the link
[dugout.progressiveboink.com]
The Rays this year are the most Dugout team ever.
If the Rays trade for Thome midseason you’ll know they’re just screwing with us.
JI
So glad The Dugout is back! Let’s hear from Ster-ROD!
Reading this dugout I thought that people new to the dugout would read half of it and then start screaming that it is insensitive and racist rather than hilarious and insightful. Luckily that doesn’t seem to be the case.
It’s sad that there are always people who think that horrible disasters are karma. I remember some people thinking that the World Trade Center attack happened because America doesn’t like God enough.
Oh well, the Dugout is back! happiness
this is all fantastic and you are a fantastic person for making it
Hey, anyone else remember that guy LEW from FanHouse, saying the same stupid things about the Mets over and over again? I don’t know if I can truly enjoy Dugout comment sections without at least one dude who seems to have no idea how to use the internet.
Also, “streeted frogs” – YES.
Just wanted to say that
A) I’m glad to see The Dugout hopefully get a new home on the Internet
B) I registered an account here because of The Dugout
I remember Lew, but hadn’t seen him comment for quite a while before the Dugout moved.
Good to see ol’ Jim is still in fighting shape!
Just incredible. One of the best Dugouts has some of the least swears? How can this be?
So excited to see the Dugout back and in fine form as always. Also, I really hope you bring back “Baseball is Boring” on here, I loved those.
My brain is dying too. Goddamned Canadians.