A Guide to Recognizing Your Mascots – Northwest League
03.21.11 at 12:43 pm
Saturn
I think I saw that Canadians ninja preventing Teddy from winning the President’s Race at Natstown last year.
03.21.11 at 12:49 pm
Otto Man
For the record, I am only half Spokaneasaurus, on my mother’s side.
03.21.11 at 12:49 pm
Culby
Dude, Crater is like, friggin’ metal.
03.21.11 at 12:50 pm
Matthew Hardaway
What I like most about these write-ups are how they take me back to a time where I didn’t understand anything in sports outside of the fact that these nondescript, uniformed men were loosely associated with a giant, living plush toy. One of my earliest memories is interacting with the San Diego Chicken. I’m still eagerly awaiting your coverage of the Montgomery Biscuits. My old college roommate assures me that the mascot is a giant biscuit who shoots regular biscuits out of a special biscuit gun.
03.21.11 at 12:52 pm
Upstate Underdog
AquaBats would be a better name. Not only that, The MC Bat Commander could be the mascot and his band could perform during the 7th inning stretch.
03.21.11 at 12:53 pm
Upstate Underdog
Side note: my Godson’s little league down in Georgia uses minor league team uniforms for their teams. It’s pretty cool.
03.21.11 at 12:55 pm
Upstate Underdog
I would have been diappointed if there wasn’t a Mr. Bill reference for the Sluggo write up.
03.21.11 at 12:59 pm
Upstate Underdog
“I hope that means he throws salt in their eyes.”
Mr. Fuji and Mr. Saito approve of that tactic.
03.21.11 at 1:02 pm
Brandon Stroud
@Matthew – I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but your old college roommate wasn’t on the level.
03.21.11 at 1:07 pm
Upstate Underdog
Can’t wait for the NY-PL. For some reason the TriCity Valley Cats have seven mascots.
03.21.11 at 1:18 pm
Chris
that fucking horrible mauve dinosaur, man
absolutely terrifying
03.21.11 at 1:29 pm
Matthew Hardaway
@ Brandon Stroud
If you only knew.
03.21.11 at 1:30 pm
najeh
I love that Japanese Heritage Night in Canada means a ninja running around attacking two sushis and a wasabi. I really expected to hear that “didda-didda ding-ding, ding-ding-dinnnnng” music
03.21.11 at 1:31 pm
Destiny Talley
You are so funny. MORE PLEASE!
03.21.11 at 1:35 pm
Ragingape
I think you deserve credit for getting through that last one without a single Dusty Rhodes reference. Woah-oh smoke and mirrors.
Good stuff as usual.
03.21.11 at 1:48 pm
Mr. Snrub
You had me at Christian Puppet.
03.21.11 at 1:54 pm
tmbg13
I’m not “that guy” either, but geez, Crater’s giant, off center, anime-esque eyes are creepy as hell. Also Keizer seems to be an easier name to riff on than, say, Eugene.
03.21.11 at 2:03 pm
Brian G
Christian Puppet is fantastic.
The Canadian’s logo may be lame, but would still make a better logo for WWE Supergroup “The Corre” than spelling out the entire, mispelled word diagonally across your entire torso.
03.21.11 at 2:04 pm
Jackie Rippee
Keeps me laughing!! Thanks for my funny fix, again!!!
03.21.11 at 2:06 pm
Josh Miller
What’s the fate of the C’s now that they are no longer affiliated with the A’s?
03.21.11 at 2:15 pm
ROBERTO BEAST
Mascots aren’t taking enough steroids these days.
03.21.11 at 2:15 pm
TeenWolfmansBrother
Every mascot should have the ability to protect my feet from broken glass on the beach so I fully support the Aquasox.
03.21.11 at 2:25 pm
Higgs
You’d think you could find a better potato costume in Idaho than a hobo’s stained blanket with holes and a Dreamworks face.
03.21.11 at 2:25 pm
Jade
Looking forward to seeing you cover the NY-Penn League. My home area used to be in that league.
03.21.11 at 2:37 pm
Dave
Maybe if I lived in a country where the sports had awesome mascots I would care more about sports. All of this stuff is fantastic, but the concept of evil Chef Wasabi blows my mind.
03.21.11 at 2:52 pm
Matt
“The team name is the ‘Yakima Bears,’ so the mascot is an enormously fat lesbian cowboy with a tiny bat.”
This line and the accompanying picture wrecked me.
03.21.11 at 3:34 pm
Ben
I wonder if he spells Eugene backwards like Nick Dinsmore
03.21.11 at 3:41 pm
Hirsby
I like to think that Dusty later returned to those two girls, out of costume*, and tried a line like, “Hey ladies, you might not recognize me, but I’m Dusty! Remember when we were hanging out earlier? Yeah, that was fun. Hey, what’re your phone numbers?” The sad thing is, I have no idea if that would work or not.
* = Pretend that the person in the Dusty outfit is also 18 years old, lest this scenario get creepy
03.21.11 at 3:42 pm
Jason RL
Yay Boise matters for once :)
03.21.11 at 3:52 pm
Brandon Stroud
I might end up in Boise over the summer, so I can’t wait to get a picture with that hard plastic factory chicken.
03.21.11 at 3:59 pm
CH
Pop Fly is the bastard love child of Statler and Waldorf. With early onset male pattern baldness.
03.21.11 at 4:52 pm
Later-era Dugout Convert
I really love these mascot things. Please continue them. Are you planning on only doing affiliated leagues, or would you be willing to venture out into the world of independents?
03.21.11 at 4:59 pm
Angry_Ed
The Canadians’ logo reminds me of the weird generic logos that Accolade went with for the teams in the Hardball series even after they got the MLBPA license. In fact I’m almost surprised it wasn’t the Cincinnati logo from those games with the anomalous Canadian Maple Leaf in the middle of the “C” for no reason.
03.21.11 at 6:47 pm
AndyG
crater looks like some sort of damn pokemon.
WHY ARE THERE POKEMON MASCOTS.
03.21.11 at 8:31 pm
Moira
I am angry and bitter and filled with hatred toward minor league baseball since the city of Portland slayed my beloved Beavers with the Sword of Apathy. (ps, guess what our mascot was!) But my heart is softening a bit, because this whole entire post is The Best. Also, one of my favorite parts is how Otto’s publicist is Jim Thome.
03.22.11 at 8:46 am
Philip
I guess I am that guy cuz I am terrified and will not let my hypothetical children near that thing
03.22.11 at 12:46 pm
JimDog
I can’t believe I just watched a video where a ninja somehow attacked a giant, walking wad of wasabi, right there in foul territory.
Also, who among us HASN’T gotten busy in a Burger King bathroom?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Jaxson-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/phillie-phanatic-habitat-180x180.png)
I think I saw that Canadians ninja preventing Teddy from winning the President’s Race at Natstown last year.
For the record, I am only half Spokaneasaurus, on my mother’s side.
Dude, Crater is like, friggin’ metal.
What I like most about these write-ups are how they take me back to a time where I didn’t understand anything in sports outside of the fact that these nondescript, uniformed men were loosely associated with a giant, living plush toy. One of my earliest memories is interacting with the San Diego Chicken. I’m still eagerly awaiting your coverage of the Montgomery Biscuits. My old college roommate assures me that the mascot is a giant biscuit who shoots regular biscuits out of a special biscuit gun.
AquaBats would be a better name. Not only that, The MC Bat Commander could be the mascot and his band could perform during the 7th inning stretch.
Side note: my Godson’s little league down in Georgia uses minor league team uniforms for their teams. It’s pretty cool.
I would have been diappointed if there wasn’t a Mr. Bill reference for the Sluggo write up.
“I hope that means he throws salt in their eyes.”
Mr. Fuji and Mr. Saito approve of that tactic.
@Matthew – I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but your old college roommate wasn’t on the level.
Can’t wait for the NY-PL. For some reason the TriCity Valley Cats have seven mascots.
that fucking horrible mauve dinosaur, man
absolutely terrifying
@ Brandon Stroud
If you only knew.
I love that Japanese Heritage Night in Canada means a ninja running around attacking two sushis and a wasabi. I really expected to hear that “didda-didda ding-ding, ding-ding-dinnnnng” music
You are so funny. MORE PLEASE!
I think you deserve credit for getting through that last one without a single Dusty Rhodes reference. Woah-oh smoke and mirrors.
Good stuff as usual.
You had me at Christian Puppet.
I’m not “that guy” either, but geez, Crater’s giant, off center, anime-esque eyes are creepy as hell. Also Keizer seems to be an easier name to riff on than, say, Eugene.
Christian Puppet is fantastic.
The Canadian’s logo may be lame, but would still make a better logo for WWE Supergroup “The Corre” than spelling out the entire, mispelled word diagonally across your entire torso.
Keeps me laughing!! Thanks for my funny fix, again!!!
What’s the fate of the C’s now that they are no longer affiliated with the A’s?
Mascots aren’t taking enough steroids these days.
Every mascot should have the ability to protect my feet from broken glass on the beach so I fully support the Aquasox.
You’d think you could find a better potato costume in Idaho than a hobo’s stained blanket with holes and a Dreamworks face.
Looking forward to seeing you cover the NY-Penn League. My home area used to be in that league.
Maybe if I lived in a country where the sports had awesome mascots I would care more about sports. All of this stuff is fantastic, but the concept of evil Chef Wasabi blows my mind.
“The team name is the ‘Yakima Bears,’ so the mascot is an enormously fat lesbian cowboy with a tiny bat.”
This line and the accompanying picture wrecked me.
I wonder if he spells Eugene backwards like Nick Dinsmore
I like to think that Dusty later returned to those two girls, out of costume*, and tried a line like, “Hey ladies, you might not recognize me, but I’m Dusty! Remember when we were hanging out earlier? Yeah, that was fun. Hey, what’re your phone numbers?” The sad thing is, I have no idea if that would work or not.
* = Pretend that the person in the Dusty outfit is also 18 years old, lest this scenario get creepy
Yay Boise matters for once :)
I might end up in Boise over the summer, so I can’t wait to get a picture with that hard plastic factory chicken.
Pop Fly is the bastard love child of Statler and Waldorf. With early onset male pattern baldness.
I really love these mascot things. Please continue them. Are you planning on only doing affiliated leagues, or would you be willing to venture out into the world of independents?
The Canadians’ logo reminds me of the weird generic logos that Accolade went with for the teams in the Hardball series even after they got the MLBPA license. In fact I’m almost surprised it wasn’t the Cincinnati logo from those games with the anomalous Canadian Maple Leaf in the middle of the “C” for no reason.
crater looks like some sort of damn pokemon.
WHY ARE THERE POKEMON MASCOTS.
I am angry and bitter and filled with hatred toward minor league baseball since the city of Portland slayed my beloved Beavers with the Sword of Apathy. (ps, guess what our mascot was!) But my heart is softening a bit, because this whole entire post is The Best. Also, one of my favorite parts is how Otto’s publicist is Jim Thome.
I guess I am that guy cuz I am terrified and will not let my hypothetical children near that thing
I can’t believe I just watched a video where a ninja somehow attacked a giant, walking wad of wasabi, right there in foul territory.
Also, who among us HASN’T gotten busy in a Burger King bathroom?
/crickets
dawww, fiddlesticks