I apologize in advance for showing this to you after lunch, but I’ve sat on this for a day and I have to talk about it with somebody.

This is Jazz Ison Sinkfield, and she hasn’t cut her fingernails in 22 freaking years. And that’s not the best part. Jazz says that her long nails are a talent and a gift, and that she hopes that her twisted tree-branch fingernails will get her on “Oprah”. Oh, and she maintains them. Her monthly salon visits, according to the report, are five hours long and cost $250. Mother of God, that’s a f#cking car payment.

This is really the most disgusting thing that I’ve ever seen. And I went to Ohio State. I don’t even think common fingernail clippers could fix this. This has to be fake. WHO ON EARTH CAN GO THROUGH LIFE WITH TUMBLEWEED AROUND HER DAMN HANDS FOR TWENTY YEARS?! And how is she driving a Cadillac? Hell, how does she put her clothes on?!

You can watch the video after the jump, or just run to the bathroom and puke, like I’m about to do right now.