I have it on good authority that David Letterman is still alive, and the fact that he’s still appearing on nightly television where the audience claps instead of laughs. There was more clapping when Letterman brought out the SI swimsuit models for his nightly Top Ten list.

Alyssa Miller, who I guess I’m now stalking in my free time, did No. 4, and she was right: acting is in her blood. I’d like to see her play a talk show host serial killer. What show? Oh, it doesn’t matter. I’ll settle for a Letterman-inspired character’s demise for now until the real Dave has the decency to put us out of our misery.

Video’s after the jump. via Extra.