Oprah Winfrey is without a doubt the most powerful woman in the world, 1 million times stronger than a Voltron of Jewish mothers. She has the ability to save even the most damaged careers by humanizing people who have committed terrible acts and using her sorcery of pleasantness to coax her most spiteful followers into giving second chances. And with that said, Michael Vick has chosen not to appear on her show next Thursday, and he really didn’t say why, other than:

“After careful consideration, I will need to postpone the taping of the Oprah Winfrey interview scheduled for February 22. I admire and respect Oprah and hope to be able to participate in an interview in the future.” (Via Entertainment Weekly)

Vick has done a few small interviews, he’s offered some apologies at press conferences, and all the while he has spoken with the fluidity of a Speak N Spell. He’s still an immensely controversial figure, despite winning the 2010 NFL Comeback Player of the Year, and sitting down with Oprah and giving her and her bon bon loving fans a glimpse into his tattered soul might actually tip the scales of public perception in his favor. Sure, PETA and other animal activist groups will still protest his presence and rip the NFL for giving him a second chance, but he’ll have Oprah on his side. That’s like bringing a nuke to a pencil fight.

As for a replacement for Vick on the Feb. 24 show, I assume it will be Kevin Kolb. Wait a second…

*checks under seat, removes envelope*

No, it will in fact be this guy:


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