Sassy Ostrich is on loan from the FilmDrunk collection.

Kim Clijsters, the No. 3 ranked women’s tennis player in the world, will face France’s Alize Cornet today in hot, steamy third round women’s action at the Australian Open, but I’m not watching because I don’t even get out of bed unless it’s the No. 1 player. But after her win over Carla Navarro on Wednesday, Clijsters met with former Tennis dude Todd Woodbridge and she called him out on his behind-the-scenes shenanigans.

Woodbridge, an Australian, sent a text message to Rennae Stubbs – also an Australian tennis player, small world! – remarking how Clijsters looked grumpy and had larger boobs than usual, leading to the assumption that she’s pregnant. Stubbs showed the text to Clijsters, and holy sh*t did she rip Woodbridge a new one…

Man, Belgian women are awesome. They make great waffles and they don’t care if you call them pregnant. I bet if you told Serena Williams that she looked pregnant she’d rip your spine out of your body like a Mortal Kombat fatality. (Side note: After Serena and Venus Williams – No. 4 and 5, respectively – the next best female tennis player from the US is No. 48 Bethanie Mattek-Sands. We suck.)

Meanwhile, top-ranked Caroline Wozniacki got a little snippy after some media comments as well. Before her most recent post-match press conference, she told the media that she was aware there had been complaints about her being boring and giving all the same answers. She told them that’s what they get for asking all the same questions and then someone yelled, “OH SNAP!”

The rest of the press conference is somewhat amusing, my favorite excerpt being:

Q. What do you expect in a guy?
CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: What do I expect? Honesty. Understanding what I’m doing. Maybe a sports person himself.
Q. You’re not going to find it in here.
CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: You know, sometimes the media is too good looking here, so I can’t really focus on what I’m supposed to say (laughter).

Haha, nice try, Caroline. But I’ve been in too many press boxes to know that any media gathering looks like a Twihard group’s 10-year reunion. You can listen to her serve *snicker* the media after the jump or read the transcript here. And I do believe this concludes our women’s tennis coverage for the year.