In last Saturday’s game that had the Los Angeles Kings beating the Edmonton Oilers 5-2, Kings defenseman Drew Doughty decided to decapitate (please acknowledge that great alliteration) Edmonton’s poor little rookie Taylor Hall, the pride and joy of the Oilers right now. The very clean hit did not go over well with the rest of the Oilers, including Dustin Penner, who promptly stopped playing hockey (as is hockey player reflex when someone on your team gets rocked) and started jumping on any Los Angeles player near them.

Hall, who looks like a douche from his roster picture, gets up after the hit, shoves a guy once, then stands there, probably with tears streaming down his face that we can’t see. It’s absolutely precious for a kid whose middle name is Strba (that’s not a name, that’s a bunch of random letters). At the two-minute mark is the greatest replay of Doughty’s crushing check, because it’s in SLOOOWWWWW MOTIOOONNNNN, the greatest invention for sports ever. Seriously, show me a person who doesn’t like slow-motion replays, and I’ll kill him. Simple as that.