6. Catch a Tiger’s Tale
Speaking of sex addicts, Tiger Woods’ woes began around Thanksgiving in 2009, and while new mistresses seemed to pop up every 13 seconds in the first half of 2010 (dude, I can’t even make eye contact with a Perkins waitress, let alone bang one) the real story wasn’t the demise of his marriage (this is America, we f*cking rule at infidelity and divorce) but his decline on the golf course. Tiger didn’t win a single tournament in 2010, leaving frat boys and investment brokers across the country to wonder: “Why is golf so boring now?”
While it was hardly shocking that a man who was universally regarded as the greatest to ever pick up a driver could suffer professionally from personal issues, the PGA took a beating without its star doing what he always did best – win. Appearing in only 12 events, Woods finished 68th on the 2010 money list. Meanwhile, the field leveled and 6 golfers, including Ernie Els and Steve Stricker, won two tournaments, while Jim Furyk won a tour-leading three. A recent PGA commercial implies that the field simply caught up to Tiger in 2010. I hope I don’t hurt my dominant arm with this dismissive wanking.
5. The Rise of Donovan
The World Cup almost pushed the casual American fan – like myself – over the soccer hump, but the day after I still couldn’t tell you who won. However, it also gave us vuvuzela-related violence and domestic murders, so it was a great deal of fun while it lasted. While Spain’s fans probably had a blast celebrating their team’s World Cup victory, they can kiss my red, white and blue butt, because thanks to Landon Donovan, Americans finally cared about soccer. Even though it was short-lived, for a few days in the summer, millions of people went crazy because Landon kicked the game-winning goal (a rebound off a post shot by Clint Dempsey) giving the U.S. team its first group victory in 80 years.
It could be another 80 years before the U.S. ever wins another World Cup soccer game for all we know, but that video above is my pick for the coolest fan moment by far. Well, except for anything involving hot chicks flashing. Sorry, Landon but that’s America’s real pastime and I expect you to respect that.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1110/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Johnny-Manziel-with-Davey-Johnson-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Kate-Upton-Jersey-Model-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/bluth-frozen-banana-stand-yankee-stadium-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Sad-James-Dolan-is-Sad-180x180.jpg)
I was going to say the World Cup video should’ve been at the top, but your argument about the hand grenade and strip club convinced me New Orleans deserves the honor.
New Orleans had an unfair advantage, as I had been there recently and indeed experienced hand grenades and boobies.
I thought it was Cheese Doodles that Stephen A. cherished like none other?
WTF is a Perkins?
//Why oh why oh did I leave Ohio
I know we’re all supposed to forgive the guy now since he’s winning games, but i still think that Mike Vick is disgusting.
What he did was inhuman and unforgivable. His being allowed into the league makes me like the NFL a lot less. That so many are so willing to overlook his repulsive behavior because he’s winning games makes me like NFL fans a lot less.
I know there are those that will say “the guy did his time” or mumble about forgiveness, but for gawds sake, this guy killed mans best friend for the fun of it.
No, he ran a dog fighting ring for profit. There’s a difference.
What? No Hawkeyes getting hit by trucks? I call bullshit.
Johnny needs to acquire Roberto Alomar AIDS.
@YMFC – Forest for the Trees.
@Johnny – You don’t have to forgive OR forget.
No Blackhawks Cup win after 50 years or Lingerie football? Now that’s just a disragious outgrace it is!
@Johnny-you should give some dogs your Roberto Alomar AIDS.
Michael Vick didn’t just run a dog fighting ring. He OWNED dogs that he personally killed by hanging, drowning and electrocution. He took his own household pets and used them a dog bait. His people took teeth out of dogs so they won’t bite while being strapped to a breeding device, and as to not be able to bit back during dog baiting.
While everyone is patting him on the butt for being soooo good, his dogs (those that survived the abuse) are still so traumatized from living in his kennel and will never be able to go to a home.
Yes, he has paid a debt, and perhaps even be allowed to play, but he should not be exulted, nor be given any award or special pats on the back. He is not a hero.
it’s funny how vick playing causes people to rage englessly (even though he did 2 years in prison and is still suffering the consequences) but no one says a word about ben roethlisberger still playing, even though he got off mostly scott free.
i find it hard to believe that people would think a dog killer is worse than a serial raipist, so i’m just going to go ahead and call you all racist now.
yeah. deal with it.
The only thing I remember beyond 2 weeks is shaking Bill Wennington’s hand at Game 2 of the White Sox / Astros World Series in ’05. Kudos for remembering all these great sports stories.
Stephen A. Smith is a poo head.
a dog killer is worse than a serial raipist, yes, and if i’m a racist for that, so be it
vick, GB will send you to hell
gaby, you are an idiot and I weep for those you know you.
rex grossman, you are indeed a sexy, sexy man!
gaby, I assume you are yourself a serial rapist or are one of Big Ben’s bodyguards.
Well, one could argue that Big Ben wasn’t even arrested, let alone tried and convicted of any wrong doing.
But, ya, a lot of the hatred at vick does seem irrational.