Fresh off the news that President Barack Obama called Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie to commend him for giving Michael Vick a second chance, as well as Vick and Tom Brady leading the Pro Bowl voting, Fox News bowtie enthusiast Tucker Carlson gave his own opinions on the trials and tribulations of the Eagles QB last night when he filled in for the universally beloved gentleman scholar Sean Hannity on Hannity Live. While Vick was busy begging the Minnesota Vikings to intercept his passes, Carlson claimed that he believes in second chances, but not in Vick’s case. No, Mr. Vick, he expects you to die.

That’s right, folks, the guy who Jon Stewart once called a “dick” on his own show, said that Vick should have been put to death for his role in a dog-fighting ring and the torture and killing of pooches. Give me a cookie treat for being a good boy, Tucker…

“Michael Vick killed dogs, in a heartless and cruel way. I think, personally, he should have been executed for that.” (Via Mediaite)

Politics aside, I understand that these cable news talking heads have to make absurd statements to get a reaction, and I’m evidence that it’s working for them, but I can’t get past my hatred for the name Tucker. And I apologize in advance to any WL readers named Tucker, but all I know are Carlson and Max, and based on them it’s the kind of name that should be accompanied by “Instant douchebag, just add water.” I’m also glad to see professional golfer Ben Crenshaw getting a chance to weigh in on the heavy issues. Next week on Hannity Live, Bjorn Borg will offer his thoughts on balancing the budget and Gary Gaetti stops by to chat about the proper punishment for nun rape.

Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs and I especially love living in a state that’s not afraid to fire up Ol’ Sparky, but I like to reserve my legally-mandated death for murderers, serial rapists and anybody that f*cks with children. In cases like Vick’s, I firmly believe that it could have been settled with his nuts and a bear trap. I don’t know, maybe I’m just losing my touch.

Video of Tucker’s journalistic brilliance after the jump, as well as a wonderful retelling from our friends in China Taiwan…