While most of the country is honoring World AIDS Day or the 55th anniversary of Rosa Parks’ refusal to give up her seat on a Montgomery bus, I’ve been looking at stories about boners and hair plugs. My parents are seriously proud. But poor old Tom Brady was back in the tabloids yesterday, as on the same day that it was announced that he would be the new face and product consultant for the men’s line of UGG – those terrible oversized boots that girls seem to think are necessary in Florida – the National Enquirer has “reported” that the New England Patriots quarterback has recently been tracked to a hair transplant specialist in Rhode Island. Ah scenic Rhode Island, the Ocean Hair Plug State.

According to the NY Daily News, the Enquirer’s “reporters” discovered that Brady has been visiting Dr. Robert Leonard at the request of his wife, Gisele Bundchen, to keep his alleged bald spot from affecting their beautiful couple image. Leonard apparently made some remarks to the Boston Herald about Brady’s bald pattern two years ago, and the Daily News even gave an advertorial received an expert opinion from a local doctor:

Dr. Robert Bernstein restored Bob’s hair [Bob is an unnamed person who gives an almighty testimonial to Bernstein’s work, hooray validation! – Ed.]. The doc’s customers swear only their hairdressers know for sure they had it done.

Asked how Brady might fare, Bernstein said that judging by recent photos, it appears “he has good growth” and enough hair for a successful transplant.

There you have it. While some of us may be waiting patiently to watch what should be the Monday Night Football game of the year, as the Patriots play the New York Jets, the New York and national gossip media are taking care of the matter at hand – Brady’s stupid haircut. Who cares if Brady has a bald spot? A lot of people look good bald – Matt Hasselbeck, Bruce Willis, Britney Spears. Tom should embrace nature and scoff at his critics. Besides, being bald would make him more aerodynamic and would allow him to demand penalty flags with greater precision.