Oops, Gary Lineker Crapped His Pants

English soccer legend Gary Lineker celebrated his 50th birthday on Tuesday with his second wife and his son and probably other people, but none of them mattered because LOOK AT HIS WIFE! But as much as I’d love the story to be about Danielle Lineker’s awesome boobage, there’s an even more fitting story making the rounds about this futbol star, who leads England with 10 career World Cup goals.

Apparently while playing in England’s opening round match of the 1990 World Cup against Ireland, Gary, a striker in her majesty’s service, pooped his Umbros. Now let’s take a piece of two-ply and wipe that “apparently” away, because there is outstanding video footage of the act in question, accompanied by Gary’s testimonial of when he was sliding into Liverpool and he felt a quiver stool… diarrhea. God, I miss being six-years old.

After the jump, you can check out the year’s best video involving an athlete pooping himself and wiping it on the ground, as well as – you guessed it! – a more detailed look at Danielle Lineker…