David Beckham is sporting a new hairstyle, and of course we wouldn’t be talking about it here if it didn’t look like ass. I can’t help but wonder if that’s a distorted image or if the LA Galaxy star just has a horrible case of dandruff. If it’s the latter, I’m sure it’s trendy, premium dandruff. Anyway:

The soccer stud premiered the new look alongside look-alike son Brooklyn, 11, while attending The Sun Military Awards at the Imperial War Museum in London earlier tonight.

–People.

I think I vomited five times while reading that sentence. I hope he gets sued by Florence Henderson. She could certainly use the money, provided that she’s still alive…is she still alive? I’d look that up, but I still need to eat lunch.