By now, if you have basic Internet, then you’ve seen the clip of Driscoll Middle School’s football team pulling a fast one on their opponents, and if you search “Driscoll Middle School” or even “trick play” on YouTube, you’ll get 400 pages of “Greatest Trick Play Ever” and various other verbal celebrations and tributes. And it’s an entertaining clip, featuring a ballsy kid following his coach’s diabolical plan to snap the ball and just walk nonchalantly through the defensive line and take off for the end zone. Everyone loves it, your co-workers and frat brothers have probably emailed it to you 100 times – it’s probably the biggest viral sports video of the year. And of course someone has a problem with it.
Writer, commentator and Grandpa Munster impersonator Frank Deford wrote a piece for NPR (Punte’s favorite!), calling the heralded play “child abuse" as he shakes an angry fist:
But the Driscoll team didn't act instinctively to try to put one over on a ref. The middle schoolers didn't even come up with the ruse. Their coach dreamed up the play, and even participated in it, hollering from the sideline. The referees weren't victimized. In fact, they had to play along.
No, it was only the other team's kids who were embarrassed and belittled by a children's coach being a wise guy, a bully of sorts. It wasn't genius at all; rather, it was a form of child abuse. Sure, it was legal, but it wasn't fair.
Laugh at kids being outslicked by a grown-up, and you're cruel. That isn't sport.
Part of me wants to give this guy a wedgie and shove him into his locker, but part of me also… agrees. Sort of. I can understand the idea that Deford is expressing, and when we’re watching these videos we aren’t thinking, “Hey, those kids on the other team feel pretty sh*tty right now.” But this isn’t anything new, so let’s chill out with the child abuse bit.
Morris Buttermaker told Rudi Stein to lean into a pitch, and so did one of my old little league coaches. Adults are dicks when they’re coaching kids, because they’re competitive. It’s good for kids to get a taste of it early, because – and I think this can be said for pretty much everything, without getting all political – our kids need to learn how to take a punch. Besides, if we don’t teach kids trick plays now, who will grow up to run Wall Street?
Join us as we examine five types of trickery on the football field...
At the heart of Deford’s argument is this play, orchestrated by Driscoll coach John Delosantos, who thought to himself, “I need to come up with a play that will fool a team of children.” Quarterback Jason Garza takes the ball and just wanders up the middle, untouched by any defenders, mostly because they have no clue what’s happening. The play aired on ESPN and countless other sports shows and network news broadcasts, with Delosantos and Garza making TV appearances along the way. Next stop: Boise State.
Unlike the Driscoll play, these kids went with the old “Hey coach, it’s the wrong ball routine” and the QB takes off for the end zone. I’m honestly surprised that when these videos are posted on YouTube they’re not also accompanied by videos of the opposing teams’ coaches brawling in the parking lot. Thank God these kids games don’t have postgame press conferences.
This is the perfect example of the counterpoint to Deford’s argument. If you want to stop an opposing team from making your kids look foolish, then be aware of the game. The defense saw this play coming and the only kid that feels bad after this play is the quarterback as he was flattened. I hope for the sake of fairness that it was the coach’s son.
I don’t even know what was going on here. I assume that the kid who breaks off the chain of backflips is well known for his gymnastic abilities judging by the response from the crowd, but apparently the refs missed the memo. Was this a distraction play? Was it in response to the genocides in Rwanda? We may never know.
Sometimes the best trick plays aren’t even tricks at all. Like this play, for instance, as the player drops the ball, kicks it, recovers it and then throws it to an open receiver in the end zone. The announcers question if the play was actually designed that way and then the last thing I hear is the cyanide caplet in my mouth pop.
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Frank Deford is right. And he’s still alive? This is all very confusing.
I had to shut the radio off when this guy started blathering on about how uncool this play was. Part of it was the way he set the whole thing up: “this was a great play we’ve all seen and laughed at, right? wrong! you’re an a**hole child abuser!”
But mostly I switched stations because he was just plain wrong. Trick plays are part of the game. May as well complain about the other team practicing or the fact that they are bigger or stronger.
“I had to shut the radio off when this guy started blathering on about how uncool this play was.”
Or you could have just done that when, you know, you realized you were listening to NPR?
The first fucking rule of football is you go balls out until you hear a whistle. Then you open your eyes and take the condom off.
If we don’t teach kids trick plays, then who will grow up to be the next Jim Zorn?
Life is 100% fair, and sports mirror life. That’s why we love them.
That’s why phrases like, “it was legal, but it was unfair,” shouldn’t make your blood boil.
I don’t know if sarcasm translates on the internet, but I’m trying to lay it on pretty thick.
“Wah wah wah. They did something that we weren’t prepared for because they thought we wouldn’t be prepared for it. Wah wah wah. Unfair. Don’t penalize us for being dumb. Unfair.”
NPR does sports? Huh. I thought they only talked about things that nobody cares about and asked for donations every 10 minutes because they only talk about things that nobody cares about.
Some of the best lessons learned come from getting suckered on a trick play. Once that happens, it usually (also shouldn’t) doesn’t happen again, and like the third play shows, the QB gets demolished by an aware linebacker waiting for a free shot.
So is every play that works a form of child abuse? Because it’s an adult who successfully calls the play and tricks the opposition.
The team in yellow are a bunch of pussies anyway. Once the center moved, they should have been attacking and taking a free shot at the QB.
It’s child abuse to expect kids to pay attention?
No wonder we’re doing so well compared to the rest of the world in education.
Wait, someone on NPR had a problem with something someone did? WOW! They probably wanted everyone to get medals after the game and this play didn’t allow everyone to sing and recite, “we are all winners, we all matter” after the game. WAHHHHH!
I have always wanted to perform a hyperbolic act of X on person Y, where X is is the “insensitive implied act” and Y is “the whiny bitchface that needs to grow a pair”.
So, for example, I would go back in time with magic/technology/outerspace and abduct, beat, and rape (being X) Frank Deford (being Y) as a child. Not only would I rape him, though, I would dress like a clown and buzz a chainsaw REALLY loud during it whilst screaming, “THIS IS FUCKING CHILD ABUSE YOU UPPITY LITTLE PRICK!”
Rorschach test. I see this and I am not particularly excited for the kids who scored on the trick play. But, my first thought is, what would my dad have said to me if I was on the team that gave up the TD? He would not have bitched or complained about it being a weak-ass trick play (which it is). He would have told me I fucked up for not tackling the guy when the whistle never blew.
I will get political. Douchey libs will whine about this as “unfair”. Choke back your tears and join the real world. Life isn’t fair. Getting hosed like this when you are a middle schooler just might teach you a life lesson you won’t forget.
in elementry school we used to run the center sneak once a game. when real passing isn’t an option (little kids/big football). every year you’d hear about someone fing with the rule book. thanks internet, you fuced us again.
The Obecian is on to it… the only kids more embarrassed than the tricked kids are the ones who pulled the trick.
Any kid that would celebrate this bullshit is broken. A nine year old does not want to win this way. Viva Frank Deford !!!
Oh COME ON. Getting to live out your frustrated sports dreams through children is the ONLY reason to have kids. If Tiger Woods’ dad taught us anything it’s that putting immense pressure to succeed at sports on your kid will have absolutely no negative effects. none.
I hereby nominate Dormammu’s performance here for Greatest Comment OF ALL TIMES
The last time Frank Deford was relevant was at a time before football was invented. If at all. NPR continues their longstanding tradition of hiring people who could not possibly get a job anywhere else in broadcasting.
My old football coach would never have come up with anything like that. Not because of innate virtue or fairness, but because he didn’t have enough imagination. Not that we let his imagination limit us…
“The first fucking rule of football is you go balls out until you hear a whistle. Then you open your eyes and take the condom off.”
Condom? What are you playing? Canadian football?
This makes me want to hit a child.