jaredallen

Minnesota Vikings defensive lineman Jared Allen–he of the “partying with two Rs” set–is the proprietor of what might be one of the worst on-field celebrations in the history of sport. That little butter-churning move he does after every sack is actually a pantomime of a calf rustling, like you might see in a rodeo. Fortunately, due to a new interpretation of NFL rules, that will be the only place you’ll see it.

The league prohibits players from going to the ground in celebrations. After sacks, Allen takes a knee, pretends to rope a calf and then throws his arms in the air. Allen presumably can still perform his celebration as long as he’s standing on his feet.

Allen has performed his post-sack celebration for years so it’s curious the league is threatening punishment now. Asked about the new stance, a league spokesman wrote in an e-mail: “That is how the new head of officiating wants it enforced.” –Star-Trib.

Jared has one sack to his credit on the season, and it’s unclear whether he either avoided the routine after the fact, or performed some permutation of it. Either way, I consider it a positive to see this little dance get hog-tied. It looks like Nancy Kerrigan having a stroke and masturbating at the same time. No offense to those of you that are into that sort of thing.